I'm a mess
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
I'm a mess
I'm having a pretty hard day. I thought that him being in treatment was going to mean that I'd have time to refocus on my life. Instead I find myself depressed and sad. I hope this is just a stage. I can't stay like this for months and months. I miss him so much.
When he was relapsing I was anxious and sad. Now I am depressed and sad that he is in treatment. I guess I am never satisfied.
The worst part is, I can't really share my feelings with family or friends. No one understands what it is like to care about someone in recovery. I also feel very protective of him and don't want any negative feedback about 'why are you in this relationship?' or 'now is your chance to move on and get over him'. When that is the farthest thing from my mind.
So I keep it inside. I tried al-anon but the ones in my area are very large so it seems too impersonal. Maybe I just didn't find the right meeting for me. I am in therapy so that is where I share about our relationship. But other than that, I feel isolated and alone in this.
Maybe it is just the realization that he will be gone for a very long time. I won't even hear from him for weeks initially. I know my happiness isn't dependent upon hearing from him but he makes me happy in so many ways. I feel lucky and loved. But it is gone for now. Or is it? I haven't figured
that part out. He should focus on his recovery and not sit in there and obsess over me but something tells me this is just as painful for him which makes me even sadder.
What a soppy mess this is.
Thanks for letting me share all this.
When he was relapsing I was anxious and sad. Now I am depressed and sad that he is in treatment. I guess I am never satisfied.
The worst part is, I can't really share my feelings with family or friends. No one understands what it is like to care about someone in recovery. I also feel very protective of him and don't want any negative feedback about 'why are you in this relationship?' or 'now is your chance to move on and get over him'. When that is the farthest thing from my mind.
So I keep it inside. I tried al-anon but the ones in my area are very large so it seems too impersonal. Maybe I just didn't find the right meeting for me. I am in therapy so that is where I share about our relationship. But other than that, I feel isolated and alone in this.
Maybe it is just the realization that he will be gone for a very long time. I won't even hear from him for weeks initially. I know my happiness isn't dependent upon hearing from him but he makes me happy in so many ways. I feel lucky and loved. But it is gone for now. Or is it? I haven't figured
that part out. He should focus on his recovery and not sit in there and obsess over me but something tells me this is just as painful for him which makes me even sadder.
What a soppy mess this is.
Thanks for letting me share all this.
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Be gentle with yourself babyblue. You've gone through so much, it is understandable that you're not spinning cartwheels and singing and dancing!! Allow yourself to feel what you feel but don't forget to take care of YOU. Go for a walk, treat yourself to something nice, journal etc etc. Try and keep the focus on you and what you can do today to help you get through it, one day at a time. Don't look to the future right now. You don't need to make any decisions about it right now. Just stay in the now and you will work through this. And please don't worry about what others might think of you. If your depression is persistent, go see your doctor who should be able to help.
:ghug3
:ghug3
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