Not sure, never sure.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: the Netherlands
Posts: 5
Not sure, never sure.
Hello wonderful people,
I'm a 20 year old girl from the Netherlands and I need some support and answers. I've been reading here for the last couple of days and I'm amazed at the strength I've seen. I've struggled with and been treated for psychiatric problems for years (I spent a year and a half in patient) and the last five months I've been drinking every day. It started as a replacement for other self-destructive behaviour, but it soon replaced basically everything in my life. It's all I can think about. I don't really have any friends and I don't go out, so I just sit in my room by myself and drink bottle after bottle of wine until I pass out.
I know that I have nothing on most of you, only five months in, and I feel like I'm overreacting and that I don't really have a problem. My psychologist has been asking me to start treatment at the addiction care here and I refused at first, signing up eventually mainly because she asked me to. And they won't be able to see me for at least two weeks and to me that feels like a perfect excuse to keep drinking until then.
I know I need to stop. I want to stop... well part of me does anyway. My liver functions are already off and the things I've done and said while drunk... well let's just say there are many regrets. But my mind still refuses to believe I have a problem. It's been five months, not five years. It's just a temporary thing, I'll get over it. Etc etc.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here... but here I am.
I'm a 20 year old girl from the Netherlands and I need some support and answers. I've been reading here for the last couple of days and I'm amazed at the strength I've seen. I've struggled with and been treated for psychiatric problems for years (I spent a year and a half in patient) and the last five months I've been drinking every day. It started as a replacement for other self-destructive behaviour, but it soon replaced basically everything in my life. It's all I can think about. I don't really have any friends and I don't go out, so I just sit in my room by myself and drink bottle after bottle of wine until I pass out.
I know that I have nothing on most of you, only five months in, and I feel like I'm overreacting and that I don't really have a problem. My psychologist has been asking me to start treatment at the addiction care here and I refused at first, signing up eventually mainly because she asked me to. And they won't be able to see me for at least two weeks and to me that feels like a perfect excuse to keep drinking until then.
I know I need to stop. I want to stop... well part of me does anyway. My liver functions are already off and the things I've done and said while drunk... well let's just say there are many regrets. But my mind still refuses to believe I have a problem. It's been five months, not five years. It's just a temporary thing, I'll get over it. Etc etc.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here... but here I am.
Last edited by Stroopwafel; 10-11-2010 at 12:13 AM. Reason: grammar is important
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hello and welcome!
The disease is unique to everyone for some people it takes 5 months....others 30 years. You are fortunate that you are not in csomplete denial daespite the short time you Have been drinking...and it sounds like you have a good doctor.
If you don't have a problem you should Have no problem going the next 2 weeks without...from your post it sounds like that would be hard.
Read here and welcome, you have our support#
The disease is unique to everyone for some people it takes 5 months....others 30 years. You are fortunate that you are not in csomplete denial daespite the short time you Have been drinking...and it sounds like you have a good doctor.
If you don't have a problem you should Have no problem going the next 2 weeks without...from your post it sounds like that would be hard.
Read here and welcome, you have our support#
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
hi Stroopwafel
I wasn't sure what I wanted to do when I got here - much less what I needed to do.....but I learned a lot from the people here and eventually I was able to make some good choices
I know you'll find a lot of support here too
Welcome
D
I wasn't sure what I wanted to do when I got here - much less what I needed to do.....but I learned a lot from the people here and eventually I was able to make some good choices
I know you'll find a lot of support here too
Welcome
D
Enjoying Sobriety
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 143
Over two years ago, I read "If you think you are not an alcoholic, just try some controlled drinking." I tried to control it, again and again and again. When I finally realized I could not stop and I could not control it, I got help.
I drank for a long, long time. I believe there was a time I could have stopped but somewhere I crossed a line. After that, I was out of control and needed help.
At any rate, I'm glad you're here. You will find love, acceptance, and support and I personally think we all need that. Alcoholic or not.
Keep us posted.
I drank for a long, long time. I believe there was a time I could have stopped but somewhere I crossed a line. After that, I was out of control and needed help.
At any rate, I'm glad you're here. You will find love, acceptance, and support and I personally think we all need that. Alcoholic or not.
Keep us posted.
Drunk in Recovery
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 143
Good day stroopwafel,
SCRedhead did what I did. Me, I spent 10 years trying to control it. Then I experimented seriously to try to go 30 days dry (I made it 4 days). Sometimes "controlling" my drinking worked. But it never worked for good. It took me almost a decade to accept that I really can't control it, at least not predictably.
People say alcoholism is a progressive disease. Whatever your opinion on that, it seems that for many people, it might be possible to quit at one point, but much harder the next time if they pick up a drink again -- whether it is a week, a month, or even years down the road.
If you are already having damage to your liver function, you would do very well to get help sooner rather than later. It sounds like you do not drink like "normal" people, and that for me is how I define an alcoholic. I have learned that alcohol actually affects me differently from the way it affects most people, and that is why they can drink socially but I cannot. Or rather, I can, sometimes, but I cannot reliably predict whether I will really have just one drink at a party ... or ten drinks.
Let us know how we can help you. I hope you keep reading and keep posting, and let us know how it goes for you with your treatment.
SCRedhead did what I did. Me, I spent 10 years trying to control it. Then I experimented seriously to try to go 30 days dry (I made it 4 days). Sometimes "controlling" my drinking worked. But it never worked for good. It took me almost a decade to accept that I really can't control it, at least not predictably.
People say alcoholism is a progressive disease. Whatever your opinion on that, it seems that for many people, it might be possible to quit at one point, but much harder the next time if they pick up a drink again -- whether it is a week, a month, or even years down the road.
If you are already having damage to your liver function, you would do very well to get help sooner rather than later. It sounds like you do not drink like "normal" people, and that for me is how I define an alcoholic. I have learned that alcohol actually affects me differently from the way it affects most people, and that is why they can drink socially but I cannot. Or rather, I can, sometimes, but I cannot reliably predict whether I will really have just one drink at a party ... or ten drinks.
Let us know how we can help you. I hope you keep reading and keep posting, and let us know how it goes for you with your treatment.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
It doesn't matter what you drink, or for how long, or how much - what matters is what it does to you. If it's causing problems in your life, then it's a problem and quitting is the best thing to do.
Welcome to SR!
You'll find lots of support here.
Welcome to SR!
You'll find lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome! You have our support and there is much useful info and experience here.
I think you are wise to recognize now what took me years of self destruction and banging my head on the wall in a vicious cycle to see.
I stopped when I found no other way to improve my life. I couldn't moderate (tried to many times) and I couldn't control what happened to me when I drank. The first one or two left me feeling happy as I was buzzed (it was the booze causing this charged effect) but then I spent the rest of time drinking to maintain that feeling. I couldn't stop and yes I obsessed over alcohol...when I could begin to drink, who would be around watching, how much alcohol was instock, hiding empty bottles, gulping and refilling in hopes no one would notice. I see clearly now what I was but when I drank.....oh how I would make every excuse and justify every damn bit of it.
You are here and you can do it. For me, alcohol was unhealthy for me and no one liked me when I drank. I didn't like me either.
Solution - quit completely and get support. I am a better person and live a better life without alcohol so NO I will never have a drop of it again. Just what I had to do.
We are here for you.
I think you are wise to recognize now what took me years of self destruction and banging my head on the wall in a vicious cycle to see.
I stopped when I found no other way to improve my life. I couldn't moderate (tried to many times) and I couldn't control what happened to me when I drank. The first one or two left me feeling happy as I was buzzed (it was the booze causing this charged effect) but then I spent the rest of time drinking to maintain that feeling. I couldn't stop and yes I obsessed over alcohol...when I could begin to drink, who would be around watching, how much alcohol was instock, hiding empty bottles, gulping and refilling in hopes no one would notice. I see clearly now what I was but when I drank.....oh how I would make every excuse and justify every damn bit of it.
You are here and you can do it. For me, alcohol was unhealthy for me and no one liked me when I drank. I didn't like me either.
Solution - quit completely and get support. I am a better person and live a better life without alcohol so NO I will never have a drop of it again. Just what I had to do.
We are here for you.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Stroop - I'm glad you found this forum (it's the best!) Sorry to hear you've had a rough time of it. I know it feels good to drink - I used to turn my brain off with a few drinks and it seemed like a big relief, until it started affecting everything in my life. I drank alone, too, and always wanted one more - no matter how many I'd already had.
You probably already know that as long as you're drinking, any other issues you might have can't be addressed and it also screws with medication. I hope you stick around and lean on this place for support in stopping. It's worked wonders for me!
You probably already know that as long as you're drinking, any other issues you might have can't be addressed and it also screws with medication. I hope you stick around and lean on this place for support in stopping. It's worked wonders for me!
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