Onewithwings

Life clean and sober is so boring to me. Not because of the lack of drugs, but because of everything that comes with using-- the drama, the parties, the hangouts, acting crazy, it was good times if it weren't for the drugs! Now it is all bill paying and housekeeping and surfing the web and going to meetings.

I hear people talk about how you have no true friends when you're using. I don't know, I have great friends that I am still in touch with. Most use some substance, but many don't. They are real friends that have been there for me BECAUSE we are friends, and that's what friends do.

Now, clean, and having moved far from my hometown, the only "friends" I have are those in the program, and even most of them don't bother to call me, don't care to hang out, and only listen to my problems out of sympathy and service-- helping me stay clean will help them stay clean.

I am just really Jaded with life right now. I have hobbies but I don't feel like participating in them. I have friends but I don't want to disappoint them with news that I relapsed AGAIN. (Now at 15 days, after a 52 day streak).

I miss the parties and the hanging out and the sitting around taking about anything that comes to mind. I had friends I could relate to. Now that I am in the process of getting clean, many of my friends are trying to get clean, too.

I am 23 and usually a lot younger than those in NA or AA. I know a few cool people my age, but it doesn't help that I live 30 minutes from where I generally go to meetings.

I want to find happiness, clean, but I just get so bored with my life, being my age and having a husband of almost 5 years, a 2 year old son, a mortgage, and credit card debt, which is the extent of today's "drama".

So I land myself in the hospital this last relapse and get sent to the psych ward for a week and a half. There was drama there too, just enough to amuse me. I thrive on distractions.

Also, I can not seem to just give up addiction once and for all. I have many addictions, and always have at least one active. Now that I am not using, and quit cigarettes, coffee, soda, etc. I am falling back into my eating disorder, where I can only eat small amounts (like a few bites) of anything, and then stop and deal with the urge to throw up. If I get too full (more than a few bites) I will feel like throwing up. I am tired a lot because I can not eat properly!

I miss my old using buddies, and I miss my old life. I just want to enjoy sobriety and find friends and hobbies and stuff. I need a social outlet that isn't NA, but still has people that will understand me a bit.

LaFemme

Hi OWW. Sorry you are having a hard time. Its just me but it sounds like you have some stuff going on outside the using...have you ever tried CBT. People in AA are great but are not trained mental health care providers.

Hugs!

Dee74

I agree with LaFemme - do you have a counsellor or therapist?
This would be a good topic to broach with them, I think.

I didn't want to give up the fast life or my friends - but the fact was I couldn't handle the lifestyle. It nearly, literally, killed me before I decided sobriety might not be so bad.

Sometimes, fair or not, as adults we have to accept what we want to be good for us...really isn't.

I hope you get to your acceptance quicker than I did OWW - I could have saved myself and those who loved me a lot of suffering.

D

Kmber2010

Definitely think that you would benefit from counseling. I found getting sober in itself left me with a lot of questions/mixed emotions/etc. Counseling has been tremendous in helping me understand what is going on, what I really wanted, what I really needed in my life. It is a wonderful tool for me.

I know that I had quite a social life as an alcoholic but I know that when the good times ended and my addiction took over completely.... I had no one. Kinda like the music stopped and I was the last one standing.

You can do this and these feelings will pass.

least

Since I got sober my life might be seen as 'boring' to some but I don't see it that way at all - it's predictable and I like it that way. I know what's going to happen most of the time, and, more importantly, I know what's NOT going to happen: ie; dui's, injury, sickness, jail, accidents, no self-respect, not enough money, wasted time, feeling like sh!t, hating myself... none of these things will happen and that is enough for me to stay sober every day - boring or not.

I agree that counseling might be a great idea to find out why you feel the need to use/drink or be around it. I wish you peace of mind.

Anna

I was SO glad to be done with the drama and excitement.

I was ready to embrace boring, but it has never been boring for me since I stopped drinking.

I wonder if you could be depressed and I think talking to your dr and/or a counsellor would be a good idea.