Carrie36

Overheard my son and his friend on the phone talking about smoking a few joints together. I confronted him and he admitted "he smokes a little".

He is 17 years old and aside from this concern a really good kid. Doesnt get into trouble, good grades, very helpful at home with chores and his siblings.

Frustrated and I feel like such a hypocrite getting upset with him when im an addict myself. Recovering..but an addict.


I havnt talked with him yet, basically told him i was not happy and to go away from me for now.

Ahhh teenagers. not sure how I am going to handle this one.


Any advice? I may or may not take it ok..lol but still would like to hear it.

Thanks for listening.

Dee74

I have no experience in this area, I'm afraid, Carrie - but I think you're right to wait and cool down, gather your thoughts, and look for guidance here

D

nandm

My two oldest girls started using drugs around the ages of 14 and 16. I tried confrontation with them, tried explaining why drugs are bad for their health and welfare but what happened was the harder I tried to get them to stop doing them the further they ran from me.

I finally had to stand my ground and mean what I said. I set a boundary and told them that if they did not stop using the drugs, bringing drug users into my home, and start attending school again I would send them to live with their father or grandmother. I gave them three tries and on the third I followed through. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I hate boundaries but have learned that I need them to help the other person as well as protect myself.

What happened was they both went to harder drugs like meth and both wound up in prostitution. My oldest daughter did not speak to me for a year. It took them almost a year and a half to realize that the life they were living was not all it was cracked up to be and my oldest asked me if she could come home. I let her and she stopped using any drugs does not even drink. She went to school to get her Certified Nursing Assistant certificate. Succeed in that and has been a productive citizen since then. My younger daughter struggled a bit more but finally got her GED and went on to school for her Veterinary Tech certificate. She moved back in with me this past year along with her son.

I don't know for sure that I made the right choice all I know is that ultimately things worked out for the best. I don't know if any of this will help you but it is the only experience I have to share. Best of luck to you in this. I would suggest you consider ALANON as it was great for me as I learned how to let go of people, places, and things that I had no business trying to control. It has simplified my life a lot.

Kmber2010

Carrie I wish I could offer input but I don't have experience in that area.

What I can do is support you and I 100% agree with walking away to collect your thoughts.

I think as a recovering addict/alcoholic (whatever we call ourselves) we are concerned for others especially those that matter most to us. We have been there and the fear of watching someone else go down that path can be a difficult burden to share.

Have you posted this on the friends/family forum? There is so much input from others going through this that may be able to offer suggestions/advice.

Hang in there and I think the best thing that any of us can do in life....and the only guarantee we have is to - lead by example.

All the best!

coffeenut

I think Nan hit it. Stand your ground. If you don't want it in your house....it's your house.

Teenagers are scary. Even to themselves.