AS coming round, still getting high
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
AS coming round, still getting high
AS heroin addict still using off and on. I think the only thing that stops him from using is lack of money. His girlfriend, with whom he's living, along with her family, really grills him if he uses, doesn't let him out of the house except for job related business, controls his money, etc. For a while he stopped using, but then started slipping again. He hates the control she imposes and I think it just makes him rebel all the more.
I don't think he can stay clean for more than a week and he's convinced he's not strung out!!! He also still thinks he's fooling us when he uses, like we can't tell. He is so in denial. All thoughts of rehab are gone. He just wants to get a job again. He feels rehab's a waste of time and you don't get anything done just sitting around and talking in groups.
Even though I'm getting better at detaching it still tears me up. He's come by a couple of times now when he's obviously high and has used in my bathroom again. He seems to be just using my apartment as a place to get away from his girlfriend and the controls. I've told him he can't do this anymore, but I haven't gotten the strength to turn him away. The fact is I do miss him sometimes, especially since we were apart the last 5 years. However, when he shows up high I clearly don't miss him or the drama and behavior that follows, which does make it easier to detach. I know intellectually and in my gut that giving him a place to hang out and stay when he's high definitely isn't helping. He has to take 4 busses to get back to his girlfriend's hourse and usually doesn't have any money to get back there, so I have helped him out or else he'd have to panhandle to get a ride back. Today I only gave him a dollar in change cause that's all I had. I don't want him to think he can stop by to get $5 or $10 to get back and get cigarettes. Today I didn't give into that and I'm glad.
I still have real mixed feelings about turning him away. I don't see him that often. I know most of the people here will tell me not to let him in, etc. It seems that it doesn't really matter what I do....he'll use no matter what and if he doesn't stay here or stop by then he'll just go somewhere else. He probably is just coming here to see if he can get some money....that's been his mo the last few times.
His coming here and his using and drama really pisses off my younger (19yrs) son. Clearly there's nothing productive about older AS coming here lately.
I still get caught up in thinking I can help him, but he really doesn't want anything I have to offer. Despite how sad this all is, I'm really getting the fact that all I can do is pray and try not to enable him.
It's just so upsetting to see how sick my son is and he doesn't want to do anything to get better. I don't know what it will take and can only hope he sees how much this heroin and his addiction is messing up his life.
I don't think he can stay clean for more than a week and he's convinced he's not strung out!!! He also still thinks he's fooling us when he uses, like we can't tell. He is so in denial. All thoughts of rehab are gone. He just wants to get a job again. He feels rehab's a waste of time and you don't get anything done just sitting around and talking in groups.
Even though I'm getting better at detaching it still tears me up. He's come by a couple of times now when he's obviously high and has used in my bathroom again. He seems to be just using my apartment as a place to get away from his girlfriend and the controls. I've told him he can't do this anymore, but I haven't gotten the strength to turn him away. The fact is I do miss him sometimes, especially since we were apart the last 5 years. However, when he shows up high I clearly don't miss him or the drama and behavior that follows, which does make it easier to detach. I know intellectually and in my gut that giving him a place to hang out and stay when he's high definitely isn't helping. He has to take 4 busses to get back to his girlfriend's hourse and usually doesn't have any money to get back there, so I have helped him out or else he'd have to panhandle to get a ride back. Today I only gave him a dollar in change cause that's all I had. I don't want him to think he can stop by to get $5 or $10 to get back and get cigarettes. Today I didn't give into that and I'm glad.
I still have real mixed feelings about turning him away. I don't see him that often. I know most of the people here will tell me not to let him in, etc. It seems that it doesn't really matter what I do....he'll use no matter what and if he doesn't stay here or stop by then he'll just go somewhere else. He probably is just coming here to see if he can get some money....that's been his mo the last few times.
His coming here and his using and drama really pisses off my younger (19yrs) son. Clearly there's nothing productive about older AS coming here lately.
I still get caught up in thinking I can help him, but he really doesn't want anything I have to offer. Despite how sad this all is, I'm really getting the fact that all I can do is pray and try not to enable him.
It's just so upsetting to see how sick my son is and he doesn't want to do anything to get better. I don't know what it will take and can only hope he sees how much this heroin and his addiction is messing up his life.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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Sometimes when he's come over, especially with his girlfriend, and he's straight all is well, which is why I give him the benefit of the doubt when he comes around. Sometimes he has stopped by because he was on an interview in the area or wants to use the computer to job search.
you,know, cynical one, you have a point. Even when he's not using, and then he's in withdrawals, he's soooooo negative about everything. I try not to react and just encourage him to keep trying. Don't know if it would be that different if we met out somewhere. I still feel like I need to give him the benefit of the doubt since he has been straight at times, but I can tell him that if he seems high, disappears into the bathroom, gets dramatic and starts tripping, then he will have to go to keep the peace in my home and that he's welcome here when he's not using. I have to remember its about the peace in my home and the quality of my younger son's and my life that I wouldn't let him in. I forget and think that somehow that will help him stop using, but that's something I can't control. I just hate to feed into his sense of rejection, but he has to learn that he has to not create drama and destroy the peace in my home if he wants to be here. Maybe I'll suggest he and I meet somewhere else next time and see how it goes. Thanks.
you,know, cynical one, you have a point. Even when he's not using, and then he's in withdrawals, he's soooooo negative about everything. I try not to react and just encourage him to keep trying. Don't know if it would be that different if we met out somewhere. I still feel like I need to give him the benefit of the doubt since he has been straight at times, but I can tell him that if he seems high, disappears into the bathroom, gets dramatic and starts tripping, then he will have to go to keep the peace in my home and that he's welcome here when he's not using. I have to remember its about the peace in my home and the quality of my younger son's and my life that I wouldn't let him in. I forget and think that somehow that will help him stop using, but that's something I can't control. I just hate to feed into his sense of rejection, but he has to learn that he has to not create drama and destroy the peace in my home if he wants to be here. Maybe I'll suggest he and I meet somewhere else next time and see how it goes. Thanks.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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vaya--I can definitely relate to what you are dealing with. I haven't seen my son for several weeks now.........
cynical one--I like that suggestion about a coffee shop meeting and keeping the home a sanctuary-- peaceful and drama-free (and drug free)
cynical one--I like that suggestion about a coffee shop meeting and keeping the home a sanctuary-- peaceful and drama-free (and drug free)
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
That's what I did when my ad was using and I wanted to see her. We went out to luch or for coffee. I didn't trust her at my house and it needs to be aplace wher I can feel safe and peaceful.There is nothing peaceful about active addiction and I wouldn't allow it in my home. They are so jumpy and negative even when not using..I never wanted to give her the opportunity to hang out too long. Short and sweet. They are active addicts even when they haven't used for a little while. The benefit of the doubt has not been earned. Hang in there...
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