theuncertainty

So yesterday I came to a series of realizations. Here they are in the order they occurred, pretty much verbatim:

1. STBXAH is on his 3rd job this year. Yeah, my lawyer’s probably right that he was either fired or is trying to avoid paying child support.
2. Holy cow. In the past 7 years, he’s had 8 jobs.
3. That is not ‘normal’.
4. I believed each lie he told me about why he left each job – of course he would never admit it was his fault or because of his drinking. Here are my top 3 favorite excuses:
   #3 It was seasonal work and they lied about having winter projects.
   #2 My co-workers disrespected me; I couldn’t keep working with them, so I quit.
   And ding, ding, ding #1 They got mad that I did more work than I was supposed to, so I quit.
5. In reality, each and every one was totally his fault, even – especially – if he was drinking.
6. I believed him – and his dad – that it was my fault that he didn’t get hired on at the jobs he really wanted since I helped him with his resume. So we (I – since he wasn’t working and had no income) paid a lot of money for a professional service to re-do his resume. (Without any better results. )
7. I had helped him with his resume and it still took me 7 years to see this?!! How stupid am I?!
8. Oh… I believed his crap that my job was never as important as his since I *just* worked in an office.
9. Wait. I’ve been with this employer for over 7 years now – ever since we moved “home” to this state. I am good at what I do. My employer created a new position so I could be promoted. I’m d--n good at what I do.

It took me a while to bring it back around to myself, but I did. Not too long ago #7 would have shot my belief in myself completely down for a long, long time. I would have been stuck with that negativity twisting its way through my thoughts for weeks on end. However, I was able to catch it yesterday and brush it aside. I saw through his BS and was able to tell myself something good about me. I can’t express how happy I am with this new talent. I am surely untangling myself from him more and more.

YAY!

peaceteach

Good stuff, sister. Keep it rolling! Empowerment is a beautiful thing

Kassie2

Great job! Keep working the program and stay in touch with reality. It can be amazing how we ignore so much. You are doing a good job and keep it up.

LexieCat

Thanks for a real "upper" of a post!

ItsmeAlice

Oh the endless parade of jobs! Oh the even more endless parade of reasons for leaving said jobs!! Your revelations are but a beautiful window into a decade of my life.

Isn't it wonderful when the fog begins to lift and you can actually see the BS that has been creeping up around you. You are free. You are free.

Your recovery is shining all around you. It's beautiful!!

Alice

Carol Star

When you start to understand the reality it is a good thing.......getting out of the "ick"....I am 3 years divorced and have ah ha moments still of stuff he tried.

theuncertainty

It is amazing. I look back and it seems so dark. My memories of life with him, especially the last few years we (our DS and I) lived with him, are like looking through dark tinted windows. Finally, Life is getting so much brighter.

Carol - yes. I anticipate the aha moments to keep on coming here, too. And I'm making peace with the thought that there are some things that will just never make sense.

JenT1968

the further away I get the more I can see, the more "what was I thinking?" moments I have.

You are not stupid now, and you were not stupid then; you beleived the words of a partner in a loving relationship, turns out that trust was misplaced and it is hard to see the patterns when living inside them, like a maze: best viewed from a distance.

I am working on being better able to detrermine who is worthy of my trust so I don't get embroilled in a similar situation again, and how to knowingly use my assessment faculties when within the maze.......

mermaidgirl

Uncertainty...holy COW. You and I have shared the same chapter...isn't it amazing when you get some space from it all you seen how absolutely chaotic your life was? I put my husband through college...and he still just couldn't seem to hang to a job...despite the wondering opportunities he was given (one of them at the time that I asked him to leave after breaking things in the house...wasn't going to wait for my skull to be one of them). Ya...just amazing. Here's to clarity!!