St1978

Hello,

I thought I'd share my story with you guys as part of the reason I finally decided to quit for good was what I read on this board over the past weeks.

I've been quitting on and off for years now, but I rarely quit more than a few days in a row. Then it's a giant bender that day. I can't tell you guys how many times I've had to skip out on things because of hangovers. It hurts my gains at the gym, keeps me lethargic and avoiding employment, keeps me single, and keeps me isolated.

When I drink and get drunk I do it alone, I have never gotten totally plastered around anyone. In fact, nobody knows how big of a problem it is. I'm 32 now, and been doing this 7 years or so. It's a very solo thing, and I do it mostly out of boredom. What could be a boring night all of sudden becomes a 1-man party. It absolutely makes the night more fun because it adds variety to my basically mundane existence. If not drinking I struggle to find something to do, but if I drink everything is fun all of a sudden.

It started out where I could have a great night on 2 drinks. Then it was 4, then 6. Now I drink about 16 shots on a good (bad?) night, probably more but I lose count. One night I had no hard liquor in the house so I drank 2 magnums (3L) of wine. You can't imagine the hangover from that one! Boozing used to be 2x a week, then 3x, now it's getting to be every other day at least.

What kills drinking for me, and which pisses me off the most, is the day after. The hangover is the deal killer. I don't get headaches, but my mind is just so unbelievably slow it irritates me. Then most days, after berating myself all day for drinking too much, about 4pm when the mind has recovered, I go and do it again! Some days I take 1 day off because the pain of the hangover is in the forefront of my mind. But the day after, when it's gone, it doesn't seem quite so bad so I have "just 1 drink." That's the greatest sales pitch an alcoholic can give themselves, it works every time for me. I had just 1 last night too, then 15 more or so.

The worst thing is when I got totally drunk I don't remember what happened the next day. This is a new stage in this for me. A few days ago I woke up and found I watched 30 minutes of a movie which I had no memory of at all. I have written e-mails that I regret, and don't remember writing them. Last night I managed to drop a glass and cut my foot, still got the band-aid on it. Several times I drank so much my teeth hurt the next day.

I poured out the remainder of 5 1.75L bottles just now, all in the garbage. The garbageman is gonna think I had quite a party, haha. I quit, for good, no more getting drunk! No more hangovers!

Anyways, I'm feeling good other than this hangover.



Best!

BurningChrome

Hey ST! You just described me but at age 51..... Go a couple of days, then stupidly think, oh, a few drinks won't be a problem. Next thing I know, I am waking up on the floor! Pathetic!! I wish you the best, you will find a great deal of help and support on this site! Take care, be well,
..Mike

Cottonwoodchris

Welcome, ST. A word of caution: they do not approve of any medical recommendations here. But, sharing what has worked for you in recovery usually works OK.

32? Damn, wish I could have realized my alcoholism/ addictions back then. Just in monentary gains, I would be well off.

The more sugar in what you drink, the worse the hangover. I never had hangovers, I was always just drinking to "maintain normality" Never stupid/ pass out drunk, just happy as a clam in mud. Next morning, start it up again. Just maintaining.

Until an ER visit Sept. 1. Blood alcohol level = .31%. Yeah, just maintaining. Cali legal drive limit is .08%. Good thing I was at work not driving, eh?

Detox was hell. DR gave me a few pills with a warning they could be as bad to come down from as the alcohol. But, I made it. It's not easy by any standards. Period. Be patient. We didn't get into this mess overnight, it's not going to go away overnight. Hang in there, and keep posting!

racinstalldev

The great thing about beginning your sobriety with a hangover is that it makes Day 1 really easy to stay away from alcohol... at least it did for me! This past Sunday was my day 1, and I couldn't get out of bed until almost 3:00 pm due to a huge hangover... and had to miss seeing my Browns play in person because I couldn't stand up for more than a minute.

And as you, I did enjoy having my 1 man parties too. Even though I am married with kids, and hang out with friends once or twice a week, I still felt that I needed to party each and every night in my "man cave"... and it was so easy since there is a fridge and bathroom down there, two floors away from my sleeping family.

The question I have (and I suspect you as well) is, why did we feel the need to attend these 1 man parties??? I'm sure boredom has some to do with it, but at least in my case, after putting down 10 or so, rather than going to bed once midnight approached, I'd convince myself that I had time for one or two more. No wonder I was so dead at work so many times.

Bottom line is that I have made it through 5 days now, and have been getting through my nights just fine. I've been on SR a lot, reading, posting and chatting. Its a huge help. And I'm more alert and more productive at work.

Welcome to the Class of October 2010 Sobriety Group!!!

St1978

Thanks for the notes!!! What has helped a lot in reading the posts on this site is I've picked up the main theories of AA. I realize that I drink differently than others. I have more fun on booze than most do. I cannot control my drinking once I start, no matter how many notes I may put on the bottle. "Only 2," yeah right!! My life also revolves around booze as I am able to rely on it for most of my fun. It's just killing me, literally, and death is a bad side-effect.

I would edit the post and remove that remark about detox supplements, but the edit button is gone. If there is a moderator, please feel free to take it out.

This was an interesting thread for me to read from another section. I can't post links yet, but it was "If Your An Alcoholic, Is It Possible To Go Back To Moderate Drinking Someday?" under the "Alcoholism Information" section.

jamdls

Hi ST, welcome to SR. The last 10 yrs I drank I drank alone 95% of the time and it was about the only time I wasn't bored to death. When I quit drinking I didn't know what the heck to do with myself w/o getting drunk, now I look back on those days and realize what a waste! My life hasn't really changed much I'm still alone most of the time but my attitude has changed and I have a great time w/o the stupid booze and hangovers.

St1978

Thanks, it's going to be interesting to figure out how to pass my nights. I may need to find some real hobbies and ways to pass the time. I am a very self-sufficient person and I keep to myself in my daily life, but I may need to branch out a bit. Time will tell.

I read a thread about alcohol detox. I took 4 days off last month and felt no ill-effects, so I'm hoping it'll go smoothly.

One other big thing which made me pour out the booze this morning was how much I enjoy going to the gym. Booze really has a deleterious effect on muscle gain.

Dee74

Welcome to SR St1978

I recommend everyone see a Dr if possible.
No detox is predictable...I detoxed ok on my own 100s of times - but the last one was a doozy.

If you find yourself getting concerned about this detox, please do seek some professional advice

D

Carrie36

Welcome to SR and thanks for sharing.

I think there are a lot of folks here whose day ones also included incredible hangovers..lol

St1978

Thanks, glad to be here, such a wonderful community of people. I just went and ordered "Beyond the Influence: Understanding and Defeating Alcoholism" after reading the summary thread which has a sticky in the Alcoholism section. It'll give me something to do in the next few days.

I went and found a list of AA offices in the area, surprisingly there are meetings pretty much every hour from 6am to 8pm every day of the week. At least if I get too "dry drunk" or as I'd call it "bored" I'll know where to go now for support.

Thanks to all and your great posts, I've read so many wonderful threads on this board.

Skeets

Thank you for sharing. I can relate. I am on day 10 of sobriety and feel better everyday. You and I have a simlilar relationship with alcohol...intimate and alone. Everyday is easier but the hard part is still when I am alone. Try to stay busy and keep posting. SR is a great resource!

least

Welcome to the family! I'm glad you found us. I've gotten so much support and good info here it's been a huge help in getting and staying sober. I hope we can be of as much help to you.

mygirlchandler

Congrats on your start. I love waking up without feeling bad. Drinking has never been my thing (well, it was in college but that was 12 years ago). But I was taking so much medication (not even narcotics!) that I would wake up with a hangover. The thing is, I don't know what it was (xanax, ambien, migraine meds). I just decided to quit it all.

I hop out of bed happy and enjoy the bright sunshiney faces of my two little girls. I can be a wife (wink!wink!), mother, daughter, employee, friend again.

Do find something to do with your evenings. If you enjoy the gym, go in the evenings. Find a 24 hour gym so you can go work it out if you ever get close to the edge.

I have found reading again. I wish my evenings were not so full of homework, cooking, laundry, cleaning so that I could grab a work out. I've cleared out a spot in the girls playroom for aerobics, I just need to get in there and do it no matter what!

GOOD LUCK to YOU! Just you wait until you start waking up with your head clear. It's addictive! Preserve it!

Juneof44

Hey welcome to SR. This place combined with meetings is REALLY helpful to me, and I hope you stick around to let it help you too!

Congratulations on your first step to living clean! Stick with it, because being sober has been amazing so far for me, and I have no doubt it will be for you!

LexieCat

Hi, and welcome!

My own suggestion is that you get yourself to an AA meeting BEFORE the boredom hits. It's a lot more than a way to kill time--you can actually learn to have a sober LIFE.

I relate to your drinking in isolation--that's the only time I drank, for the most part. I'd have a dainty two drinks at a party, then go home and drink my brains out (almost literally!).

Glad you have decided you're done--you have been seeing the progression of the disease in your blackouts.

St1978

Thank you for all the kind words and support. It's 10pm now, and the alcohol from yesterday may finally be out of the system. Do I count today as day 1? LOL!

I actually sat and read 20% of the new book which was recommended on another tread: "Beyond the Influence: Understanding and Defeating Alcoholism." I got an Amazon Kindle as a gift a month ago, this is the first book I bought for it.

The book is quite interesting, it's helping me get a better understanding why I act the way I do when I drink. It's helping me see more why my 'attempts' at controlling my drinking have failed. I'm understanding this is mainly a physiological problem, alcohol indeed does overpower my rational mind, and the only way to stop is never to drink again. I used to balk at the tenant of AA, that alcohol is stronger than I am, but I'm starting to see how it may indeed be correct.

A couple quotes from that book I thought I'd share:

==========
The shame and stigma associated with alcoholism have persisted despite the fact that we know, from hundreds of studies conducted by thousands of researchers, that alcoholism is a progressive, physiological, genetically determined disease and not a moral or personal weakness.
==========
The authors new definition of alcoholism:
Alcoholism is a progressive neurological disease strongly influenced by genetic vulnerability. Inherited or acquired abnormalities in brain chemistry create an altered response to alcohol which in turn causes a wide array of physical, psychological, and behavioral problems. Although environmental and social factors will influence the progression and expression of the disease, they are not in any sense causes of addictive drinking. Alcoholism is caused by biochemical/neurophysiological abnormalities that are passed down from one generation to the next or, in some cases, acquired through heavy or prolonged drinking.
==========

Kmber2010

Welcome St. There is plenty of info and experience here and tons of support.

I too found that once I drink....yeah I am powerless to it and I can't stop.

Foundation in sobriety is I can not and will not drink.

We are here to support you and each day gets better and better!!

caribbean

This is where AA came in for me. I, too, am self-sufficient, and I have friends I hang out with one on one but am not by nature a highly social, "energy out" kind of person. I spend less time on AA each day than I averaged on my drinking over the course of a week, but I get a lot more out of it. I get to the end of my workday and I don't have to think "now what?" -- I now know I can go hang out with a group of people just like me in this one very important respect, and that being with them removes my desire to pick up. I always thought I was smarter, unique, somehow different from all other alcoholics. It turns out most alcoholics think this!!

Two weeks ago, I had a hard time believing that AA might do anything for me. It's helping a lot, and I'm incredibly thankful for that.

St1978

So far so good, but only day 2. When it hits day 4 or 5, that'll be the real challenge for me. That's when I may need AA, maybe not, but I've got the meeting schedule here on my laptop if I feel any sort of issues, urges, or depression. Good suggestions about that, thanks. If I feel too isolated and edgy, that's where I'll head.

Woke up this morning feeling like I had a hangover, yet I didn't drink at all. Odd.

artsoul

Welcome St! I found that I started feeling good in the mornings after 3 to 4 days. Sleeping was hard at first, too. But it's just our body/brain/emotions adjusting to life without alcohol.

I used to cave in after 3 or 4 days too - maybe it's because we start feeling on top of things again, or we're at that "in-between" stage where the alcohol is gone but the brain still isn't creating it's own dopamine and other chemical that make us feel balanced. Hang in there because when your system starts working again, it feels so much better than being in that vicious cycle of drinking and withdrawing.

Congrats for getting through day 1! You can do it!:ghug3