FreeingMyself

I posted last night about my realization that he wasn't really changed at all. We have been seperated for about 4 months. In that time, my conversations with AH have become less and less, mostly about the kids. We don't have any real communication about anything else. So here is what I have learned.
*The longer I am away, the more STRANGE, and SCARY his behavior seems, like I posted last night. Him being gone doesn't allow me to see all the time what he does, and so I believed he was changing, however, it took about 2 seconds for me to see his true colors, and again with the denial about what happened, the mean words and put downs. WOW....I realized that I don't MISS that, and that it isn't going to change.
*I realized it is his crazy world and doesn't have to be mine. For 4 months my life has become and feels normal again. I don't have anyone making stuff up and calling me names - acting like I'm crazy. And guess what I like it....I feel happy. Proved again last night...his world is still and always will be crazy and off balance. I don't want to live like that.
*He still denies he is alcoholic, and can drink only a little if he wants. A sure sign that that part isn't over either.
WHAT I REALIZED is that when we were living together I couldn't SEE all of this, becuase it had become so NORMAL - how scary it that. And now, when he does these things, I find them to be completely nuts and horrible (as they always were) - and it makes me realize I can't go back to that!
So...to all of you who said that seperating would allow me to see the truth and give me peace - thank you - you were SO right. ANd to all of you still stuck in the crazy lives of an abusive A.....consider taking a step - a big step back - and it is much much easier to see the truth!

Still Waters

Yes, this is true for me also. I think that crazy off balance behavior is frightening, for me. It's scary that my STBXAH was following my movements yet not attempting to contact me - while contacting my friends and family. That isn't normal.

The longer we're away from it, the clearer it all becomes.

nodaybut2day

It was the same for me. Not only couldn't I see his behaviour for what it really was, he had me convinced that *I* had a problem, that *I* was the difficult/demanding/unrealistic one. He had me believing that I wasn't worth anything more than what he was giving, which was very little and very poisonous.

Once I was away from him, and once I got input from people who knew him even before I came into his life, I saw him for what he truly was, and then I thanked HP over and over for granting me the courage to get the hell away from his madness.

transformyself

I love your title.

When I left AH I literally felt like I had escaped. Things are different now, our relationship is different now but ONLY because I've learned how to focus on the one thing I have control over-myself.

Mostly, I can interact with him civilly. Where as before, I was stark raving mad.

Oh yeah, I'm all better now. Perfectly recovered. :rotfxko

Carol Star

I feel like I escaped too.......I actually consider myself very lucky to have gotten out as unscathed as I did considering what he tried to do to me.....I think mine was a ps
ychpath on top of the abusive/alcoholic.......

missphit

I think you hit the nail on the head for me! I haven't actually left yet physically, but I am in the process and he is gone due to work and i see things very differently and can't wait to actually be gone in a few more weeks. Now that i've gotten an apartment and movers coming and i'm leaving physically, i see things very different emotionally and you are right...it is his madness and I do not have to partake! i love feeling the freedom from that. I am still cleaning up some of the mess i've allowed, but i am being sure not to do more than my share, like i would have in the past!! I can't wait to see things from afar, like you are.....you have confirmed what i believe in my heart to be true, finally!! i CAN get off this ride. Thank you for your post. it gives me so much hope and excitement! Good for you and for those who responded. you guys are awesome!!