Day One
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Springfield, MO
Posts: 11
Day One
Hello there!
My name is Brad, and I'm addicted to Alcohol/pot/cigarettes, or if not available ($$) the only other drug I've tried is Nyquil by the bottle. I know there are probably thousands of newcomers stories so I'll condense mine as much as possible.
I have been drinking a 12-pack of beer every night for three years, while smoking pot daily (about 9 days sober from that), and I smoke a pack of cigarettes a day. I knew it was a problem a couple years ago, but had no interest in curing myself. Well since then, I have lost 80% of my true friends, and made that up with friends that I know I'm going to have to say goodbye to soon. I got a DWI and rode my bike for about two years, partly because I couldn't afford a new car with the $ I was blowing, and partly because I was scared for mine & others lives.
(had pictures here but can't post links for 7 days)
Blacked out driving home from a bar on the highway going appxtly. 70 mph, and hit a guard rail that sliced through my passenger seat. I cannot express the guilt I have felt since then. Close after, my parents went through a nasty divorce, and I know I need to learn how to actually deal with these issues rather than drinking them away.
Over the past few weeks, I have been battling quitting, going 7 days sober, relapsing, 4 days, relapse, 5 days, relapse, and each time it brings me down to where I think this is going to be my life forever. I'm quiet at the outpatient programs and AA meetings, in fear of sounding ignorant, provoking confrontation, and I have just been a hermit alcoholic for a while so the only people I can talk to normally (and usually not even them anymore) is my family and a few friends.
Anyway, I relapsed last night, had a bottle of wine, woke up and went to the outpatient program. I feel like a loser, a burden to the group, and then I realize I'm just feeling sorry for myself, which makes me feel worse. I'm feeling ok now, but I'm here because I need to think about what I'm going to say and maybe have some support where I am better expressing myself. I only have internet 9-6 generally, so I am having to leave, but so far it looks like so many here have had great success, and I want to learn from it! I'm excited to hear some of your stories and relate
I'll end it at that. Nice to meet you SoberRecovery
My name is Brad, and I'm addicted to Alcohol/pot/cigarettes, or if not available ($$) the only other drug I've tried is Nyquil by the bottle. I know there are probably thousands of newcomers stories so I'll condense mine as much as possible.
I have been drinking a 12-pack of beer every night for three years, while smoking pot daily (about 9 days sober from that), and I smoke a pack of cigarettes a day. I knew it was a problem a couple years ago, but had no interest in curing myself. Well since then, I have lost 80% of my true friends, and made that up with friends that I know I'm going to have to say goodbye to soon. I got a DWI and rode my bike for about two years, partly because I couldn't afford a new car with the $ I was blowing, and partly because I was scared for mine & others lives.
(had pictures here but can't post links for 7 days)
Blacked out driving home from a bar on the highway going appxtly. 70 mph, and hit a guard rail that sliced through my passenger seat. I cannot express the guilt I have felt since then. Close after, my parents went through a nasty divorce, and I know I need to learn how to actually deal with these issues rather than drinking them away.
Over the past few weeks, I have been battling quitting, going 7 days sober, relapsing, 4 days, relapse, 5 days, relapse, and each time it brings me down to where I think this is going to be my life forever. I'm quiet at the outpatient programs and AA meetings, in fear of sounding ignorant, provoking confrontation, and I have just been a hermit alcoholic for a while so the only people I can talk to normally (and usually not even them anymore) is my family and a few friends.
Anyway, I relapsed last night, had a bottle of wine, woke up and went to the outpatient program. I feel like a loser, a burden to the group, and then I realize I'm just feeling sorry for myself, which makes me feel worse. I'm feeling ok now, but I'm here because I need to think about what I'm going to say and maybe have some support where I am better expressing myself. I only have internet 9-6 generally, so I am having to leave, but so far it looks like so many here have had great success, and I want to learn from it! I'm excited to hear some of your stories and relate
I'll end it at that. Nice to meet you SoberRecovery
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 52
Hey Brad,
I'm new here too. Just found the board yesterday.
I've been free from Xanax since August 25th. I went to detox (first and last time) for five days. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. I was shy for the first day but I opened up and went in full throttle
You are not a burden. You will get so much more out of group if you will open up and share. You are not stupid, you are one among many.
Just wanted to say HI and I'm new too.
I'm new here too. Just found the board yesterday.
I've been free from Xanax since August 25th. I went to detox (first and last time) for five days. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. I was shy for the first day but I opened up and went in full throttle
You are not a burden. You will get so much more out of group if you will open up and share. You are not stupid, you are one among many.
Just wanted to say HI and I'm new too.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,533
Welcome Battletoad. I'm so glad you found us - I struggled for years trying to quit, but when I came here I wasn't alone anymore. I can't tell you how comforting that was, and how having all this great company gave me strength and courage.
I can relate to most of what you've been through. I'm sure you're a good deal younger than me, and you are taking action way sooner than I did. Be glad! The twelve pack a night can turn into a 30 pack. Trust me on that. Very wise of you to realize you need to learn to deal with issues rather than drinking them away. That's one of my biggest regrets - that I never grew or evolved into the person I was meant to be. I was on hold for years, numb and unfeeling. At the time I thought I was happy & having fun - but it was all fake. It's in the looking back that I see how insane it all was.
A whole new life waits for you - be proud of yourself for wanting to change.
I can relate to most of what you've been through. I'm sure you're a good deal younger than me, and you are taking action way sooner than I did. Be glad! The twelve pack a night can turn into a 30 pack. Trust me on that. Very wise of you to realize you need to learn to deal with issues rather than drinking them away. That's one of my biggest regrets - that I never grew or evolved into the person I was meant to be. I was on hold for years, numb and unfeeling. At the time I thought I was happy & having fun - but it was all fake. It's in the looking back that I see how insane it all was.
A whole new life waits for you - be proud of yourself for wanting to change.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Both mygirlchandler BattletoadWelcome to Sober Recovery. I am glad you found us. I know this site has been a big part of my recovery, finding it was a blessing.
I hope that you find the experience, strength and hope that I have found here.
Again welcome, we are glad you are here.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
Welcome! 
Glad you are here. You are not alone. I can relate to what you posted. I just want to let you know that there is hope! WE do recover. SR has helped me alot with my own recovery. I hope that you will continue to reach out to others for help--whether here or at your meetings. I go to AA as well...and here at my homegroup, we don't shoot our wounded. We are glad that people come back to meetings--since I know that returning after a relapse can seem difficult...at least for me it was. Keep posting. This is a great place to find support.
Glad you are here. You are not alone. I can relate to what you posted. I just want to let you know that there is hope! WE do recover. SR has helped me alot with my own recovery. I hope that you will continue to reach out to others for help--whether here or at your meetings. I go to AA as well...and here at my homegroup, we don't shoot our wounded. We are glad that people come back to meetings--since I know that returning after a relapse can seem difficult...at least for me it was. Keep posting. This is a great place to find support. Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Welcome to SR Brad
You'll find a lot of support here. I think reaching out is one of the hardest things to do - we addicts tend to be rather insular - but it's really worth the effort.
Just be honest and open - be yourself
D
You'll find a lot of support here. I think reaching out is one of the hardest things to do - we addicts tend to be rather insular - but it's really worth the effort.
Just be honest and open - be yourself
D
I hope we can be as much help to you as this site has been, and continues to be for me.Tryin Hard To Think Clear
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Stuck in the middle of nowhere again.
Posts: 157
Man I'm a sober newbie here too, but this place has been irreplaceable in my path to sobriety. Keep coming back - the people here are great and they help IMMENSELY.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Springfield, MO
Posts: 11
Thank you all so much for the kind welcoming, it means a lot. It took a lot to find and actually sign up to a forum for help, and I am so glad I did.
I am excited to meet some people, and maybe even find a forum sponsor on here or something! Maybe I don't need one, I guess it's like having 5,000 sponsors at once!
Maybe when my head is clear I can even be of help someday, or since so many are going through the same thing maybe I can help, like a mutual support. Either way, I am glad I signed up and this place looks full of positive energy to "feed" off of.
I sometimes look for instant gratification, so I'll just keep posting, visiting, whatever, and take it one day at a time. I came to the library to work on some of the outpatient homework, and decided to check this, and was amazed how many kind people are already responding. Thanks again for the welcome
By the way, I'm Brad, as Dee mentioned
, 23, and again am excited to get to know the members here and will be here tomorrow!
See you then
edit: And hello mygirlchandler, it's nice to meet you (and everyone else) too! Glad you're doing well
I am excited to meet some people, and maybe even find a forum sponsor on here or something! Maybe I don't need one, I guess it's like having 5,000 sponsors at once!
Maybe when my head is clear I can even be of help someday, or since so many are going through the same thing maybe I can help, like a mutual support. Either way, I am glad I signed up and this place looks full of positive energy to "feed" off of.
I sometimes look for instant gratification, so I'll just keep posting, visiting, whatever, and take it one day at a time. I came to the library to work on some of the outpatient homework, and decided to check this, and was amazed how many kind people are already responding. Thanks again for the welcome
By the way, I'm Brad, as Dee mentioned
, 23, and again am excited to get to know the members here and will be here tomorrow! See you then
edit: And hello mygirlchandler, it's nice to meet you (and everyone else) too! Glad you're doing well
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 232
Hi Battletoad, Brad, so glad you have joined.
I am new to recovery myself, 18 days sobor. There is so much support here and people who can relate its hard not to feel wonderful surrounded by all the positive energy and hope this site evokes
Look forward to your posts and to anyone else joining me on this new exciting path of sobriety.
I am new to recovery myself, 18 days sobor. There is so much support here and people who can relate its hard not to feel wonderful surrounded by all the positive energy and hope this site evokes
Look forward to your posts and to anyone else joining me on this new exciting path of sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hey Brad, glad you could join us!!
You just took a huge first step and it does get easier, but getting to the easier part is not easy, lol. One hour at a time worked for me, and still does, so keep hanging tough.
D
You just took a huge first step and it does get easier, but getting to the easier part is not easy, lol. One hour at a time worked for me, and still does, so keep hanging tough.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 52
Thanks for the welcoming words! How nice!
Brad, I love message boards because you do get some instant gratification by people reading what you're saying and saying something back. It feels good. We crave attention, don't we?
What helps me most is to keep laughing. I laugh at myself, I laugh with my kids, I laugh with my husband, I laugh at work, I cannot live without laughing.
Brad, I love message boards because you do get some instant gratification by people reading what you're saying and saying something back. It feels good. We crave attention, don't we?
What helps me most is to keep laughing. I laugh at myself, I laugh with my kids, I laugh with my husband, I laugh at work, I cannot live without laughing.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Brad (and you too, mygirl) - I remember my first few days and how much courage it took to post here. Now it feels like home! Getting sober/clean is a scary thing and we need all the support we can get.
Take it a day at a time and try to be patient with the process. Each day gets a little better. I didn't think I could get sober (much less stay that way) and now I can't imagine going back to a life of daily drinking.
Hang in there!!:ghug3
Take it a day at a time and try to be patient with the process. Each day gets a little better. I didn't think I could get sober (much less stay that way) and now I can't imagine going back to a life of daily drinking.
Hang in there!!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 395
Welcome Brad.
You are not alone. There are plenty of people here and elsewhere who want to see you succeed. Opening up and reaching out is difficult. I held back for awhile too. I was very self-absorbed and afraid. I also can relate to your self-loathing. I can't tell you how many times I would wake up the next day and feel like loser. That is where my drinking took me.
It gets better. It really does. Just don't beat yourself up over it. The past is the past and there is nothing that you can do about, except learn and grow from it. Focus on the positive things. You suffer from addiction, but are getting help for it. There is nothing more positive than realizing that you are already taking the first steps in a very positive and healthy direction. You should be proud of that.
Relapses are not a necessity, but they do happen. Again, don't beat yourself up over them, but learn from them. Examine why and what drove you to pick up that drink. Learn some tools on how to stay away from that first drink.
Here are some tools that have helped me to stay away from the first drink.
1. When the thought of drinking comes into your head, you have a decision to make. You can either entertain the thought or kill it. Its ok to have the thought creep in, but do not entertain it. Kill it and replace it with a more positive one.
2. Think about how you will feel when you wake up tomorrow if you drink. Think about how much better you will feel when you wake up tomorrow sober. I have yet to wake sober and say, "Damn, I wish I drank last night."
3. Think the drink through. While a "couple" may sound nice, I over shoot a couple every time and end up drunk late at night and usually in a bad place. I especially hate the morning after.
4. Remember your last drunk, a bad drunk, the stupid stuff you have done, the trouble and pain it has caused, why you are posting here, etc. I know that you have limited internet access, but the next time you feel like drinking, read this thread. Read what you wrote.
5. Reach out for help BEFORE you take your first drink, not AFTER.
You are not alone. There are plenty of people here and elsewhere who want to see you succeed. Opening up and reaching out is difficult. I held back for awhile too. I was very self-absorbed and afraid. I also can relate to your self-loathing. I can't tell you how many times I would wake up the next day and feel like loser. That is where my drinking took me.
It gets better. It really does. Just don't beat yourself up over it. The past is the past and there is nothing that you can do about, except learn and grow from it. Focus on the positive things. You suffer from addiction, but are getting help for it. There is nothing more positive than realizing that you are already taking the first steps in a very positive and healthy direction. You should be proud of that.
Relapses are not a necessity, but they do happen. Again, don't beat yourself up over them, but learn from them. Examine why and what drove you to pick up that drink. Learn some tools on how to stay away from that first drink.
Here are some tools that have helped me to stay away from the first drink.
1. When the thought of drinking comes into your head, you have a decision to make. You can either entertain the thought or kill it. Its ok to have the thought creep in, but do not entertain it. Kill it and replace it with a more positive one.
2. Think about how you will feel when you wake up tomorrow if you drink. Think about how much better you will feel when you wake up tomorrow sober. I have yet to wake sober and say, "Damn, I wish I drank last night."
3. Think the drink through. While a "couple" may sound nice, I over shoot a couple every time and end up drunk late at night and usually in a bad place. I especially hate the morning after.
4. Remember your last drunk, a bad drunk, the stupid stuff you have done, the trouble and pain it has caused, why you are posting here, etc. I know that you have limited internet access, but the next time you feel like drinking, read this thread. Read what you wrote.
5. Reach out for help BEFORE you take your first drink, not AFTER.
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