I will not obsess. I will not obsess. I will not obsess
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
I will not obsess. I will not obsess. I will not obsess
this is O/T and a vent. This is a vent brought to you from the Public Broadcast System. This is only a vent.
Just got back from speaking at a rally/march in WI. It was freaking wonderful. In fact, the politician who black balled me from that task force called while I was there to "re-invite me" because so many people thought I would be a valuable addition to the team and I said THAT IS SO THOUGHTFUL. THANK YOU, REALLY, BUT I'M SO BUSY NOW WITH THE PAPER, I DON'T THINK I CAN MANAGE.
That helped.
My FB posting announced I would be going to WI and an old friend who I have loved since we were 16 messaged me to say he would be only an hour from Madison that weekend and lets get together.
His wife died in May. Died in her sleep next to him. He's now widowed with a one year old adorable, beautiful child. He's very strong, very articulate, moving through the pain and taking care of his boy. He's still beautiful, charming, warm, cuddly and HE'S FREAKING MOVING TO MICHIGAN TODAY.
Like, less than an hour from me.
I can't stop thinking about him. His story is horrific. He married my good friend in 1990, then disappeared and I never heard from him again. She was stealing from him, apparently a gambling addict? He fled when he found out , said he drove all the way to Seattle with the clothes on his back and started over.
He's ridiculously wealthy, doesn't have to work for the next two years while he refocuses on his life and child. He's moving here to stay with his brother for awhile.
Seriously you guys, this man has had my heart for 30 years. I have thought of him at least twice a month all these years, said prayers, cause I didn't know where he had gone, what had happened to him.
I'm having such a hard time not obsessing, though. I know it's not good. I don't like it in many ways, this obsessing. It doesn't feel good because there is all sorts of insecurity wrapped up in it. Will he call me? Does he feel the same way? His wife just died, there's no way we can hook up. Do I want to hook up with anyone anyway?
That's the problem with obsessions. They take up WAY too much time in my head. I catch myself, then have to consciously shift my thinking back to my own damn life which, thankfully, I sort of like now a days.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program. Thanks for letting me vent. About that dreamy, childhood crush WHO IS MOVING LESS THAN AN HOUR AWAY FROM ME!!!! ugh..
Just got back from speaking at a rally/march in WI. It was freaking wonderful. In fact, the politician who black balled me from that task force called while I was there to "re-invite me" because so many people thought I would be a valuable addition to the team and I said THAT IS SO THOUGHTFUL. THANK YOU, REALLY, BUT I'M SO BUSY NOW WITH THE PAPER, I DON'T THINK I CAN MANAGE.
That helped.
My FB posting announced I would be going to WI and an old friend who I have loved since we were 16 messaged me to say he would be only an hour from Madison that weekend and lets get together.
His wife died in May. Died in her sleep next to him. He's now widowed with a one year old adorable, beautiful child. He's very strong, very articulate, moving through the pain and taking care of his boy. He's still beautiful, charming, warm, cuddly and HE'S FREAKING MOVING TO MICHIGAN TODAY.
Like, less than an hour from me.
I can't stop thinking about him. His story is horrific. He married my good friend in 1990, then disappeared and I never heard from him again. She was stealing from him, apparently a gambling addict? He fled when he found out , said he drove all the way to Seattle with the clothes on his back and started over.
He's ridiculously wealthy, doesn't have to work for the next two years while he refocuses on his life and child. He's moving here to stay with his brother for awhile.
Seriously you guys, this man has had my heart for 30 years. I have thought of him at least twice a month all these years, said prayers, cause I didn't know where he had gone, what had happened to him.
I'm having such a hard time not obsessing, though. I know it's not good. I don't like it in many ways, this obsessing. It doesn't feel good because there is all sorts of insecurity wrapped up in it. Will he call me? Does he feel the same way? His wife just died, there's no way we can hook up. Do I want to hook up with anyone anyway?
That's the problem with obsessions. They take up WAY too much time in my head. I catch myself, then have to consciously shift my thinking back to my own damn life which, thankfully, I sort of like now a days.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program. Thanks for letting me vent. About that dreamy, childhood crush WHO IS MOVING LESS THAN AN HOUR AWAY FROM ME!!!! ugh..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
I always call that squirrel-caging and I know exactly what you mean. What finally helped me when I would start to squirrel cage was to start to write it out to give voice to what was swirling around in my head. It seemed to help get it out once it was on paper.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
an hour away sounds like long distance to me - I have no idea of the distances involved in american geography 
attractive man, old childhood crush, moving closer? I'm guessing you could allow your self a little daydream, you are after all, HUMAN, then a chuckle?
attractive man, old childhood crush, moving closer? I'm guessing you could allow your self a little daydream, you are after all, HUMAN, then a chuckle?
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Ah, thank you my sane wonderful friends.
He's texted me twice. Called me Baby. Asked me to lunch on Friday. My heart and mind are racing. It' so bizarre to me, he disappeared for like, 18 years! I LOVED this man, loved his kindness, his humor, his face. ****.
Back to work I go. Back to my life that I love just the way it is. Right? Waiting for that chuckle Jen....
He's texted me twice. Called me Baby. Asked me to lunch on Friday. My heart and mind are racing. It' so bizarre to me, he disappeared for like, 18 years! I LOVED this man, loved his kindness, his humor, his face. ****.
Back to work I go. Back to my life that I love just the way it is. Right? Waiting for that chuckle Jen....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England (UK)
Posts: 163
On the plus side - a friend of mine reconnected with an old flame from school over a year ago. It must have been 20 years since they had seen each other. They were both available at the time and are now living together happily.
It can happen.
It can happen.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 218
Squirrel caging - I love it!!
Transformie, don't know if you're a follower of astrology but venus is going retrograde in scorpio right now. All manner of big, deep, old loves are supposed to pop back up for people during this aspect.
Astro out!
SL
Transformie, don't know if you're a follower of astrology but venus is going retrograde in scorpio right now. All manner of big, deep, old loves are supposed to pop back up for people during this aspect.
Astro out!
SL
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Originally Posted by JenT1968 
an hour away sounds like long distance to me - I have no idea of the distances involved in american geography
attractive man, old childhood crush, moving closer? I'm guessing you could allow your self a little daydream, you are after all, HUMAN, then a chuckle?
attractive man, old childhood crush, moving closer? I'm guessing you could allow your self a little daydream, you are after all, HUMAN, then a chuckle?
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
Originally Posted by Still Waters
It takes me an hour to go across town here.
Yep, took me over an hour to go the 2.4 miles between home and work this morning, unbelievably never-ending and apparently pointless road works, overnight and un-signposted changes in signal priorities and lane filtering that means 4 lanes of traffic trying to melt into one to get round the castle, and end of Ryder cup traffic etc. other times it can take me 8 minutes.
But if *I* said someone was moving about an hour away I'd mean 70-80 miles cos that's the speed limit, not accross town, and that *to me* would feel like a long distance relationship
like I said, I've no idea where michigan, WI etc are; Give me a map and I'm more or less ok on the eastern seaboard as my dad has lived up and down it in various places, I can identify the states in the 4 corners, texas and a smattering of other ones, other than that, you're all a geographic mystery to me
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
He's texted me twice. Called me Baby. Asked me to lunch on Friday. My heart and mind are racing. It' so bizarre to me, he disappeared for like, 18 years! I LOVED this man, loved his kindness, his humor, his face. ****.
Back to work I go. Back to my life that I love just the way it is. Right? Waiting for that chuckle Jen....
Back to work I go. Back to my life that I love just the way it is. Right? Waiting for that chuckle Jen....
If you want to go for lunch with him, go for it, have a laugh, start to find out who he is now, whether that has any place in your life as you are now, as a friend, as perhaps more, (?at some point in the future when he is no longer grieving the loss of his wife? - I don't think I ever want to be someone's painkiller again). Eyes wide open.
FWIW I firmly believe in co-incidences, odds are that throughout our lives people from the past will pop up, not bizzare, not fate, not a sign or a lesson or meant to be, it just will happen from time to time. I believe we determine what we take from events, we can use anything as an opportunity to develop our understanding of ourselves, enjoy life, stretch our comfort zones, retread old patterns, whatever..... our call to make
.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
OK your thread is the perfect spot for me to share my 'experience' with this exact same thing only a few MORE years.
In January on January 7th I received a phone call that literally KNOCKED MY SOCKS OFF.
My first love and I were literally separated by a wedge being put between us by our parents in early '66 after we had been dating for a year and a half. Never have figured out why although have some pretty good ideas. His folks sent him down to Florida to work in the business there and mine sent me west to take care of one of my grandmothers that was ill at the time.
We both moved on with our lives. Over the years I searched for him but could never find him, started obsessing once I got my first home computer in '99, still couldn't find him. Found out later it was because for over 30 years he has been living out of country.
In October of '07 I said NO MORE. I was literally driving myself insane looking for this man.
I have come to learn that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!
Now to Jan 7th this year. 44 years after our last contact. Yep, I'm sure you realize it was this man. Thank goodness the chair I was sitting on at my computer has arms or I would have been on the floor. We talked for an hour and a half. We ended the call by saying we would talk again in a few days.
Nope, he called that afternoon and we talked for over 4 hours and proceeded to talk by phone every day several times a day, until on 2/10 I flew down to Florida to 'visit' with him. Was suppose to stay 12 days, stayed 3 weeks. Have been going back and forth ever since and so has he.
I have to admit it was hard at first not jump to the future and what we might be able to have, yadda yadda yadda
However, we are taking things SLOWLY. So far so good. NO he is not perfect and neither am I. However, we have seemed to pick up where we left off.
Now true I had been out of my last relationship much much longer than you and had 'resigned' myself to living alone, sort of the been there done that, don't need to do it again thinking.
I am finding that this is working without much effort on my part or his. We still do 'fit'.
Only time will tell for you Transform if you still 'fit.' And that means y'all talking a lot about EVERYTHING under the sun, politics, religion, health care, what foods you each like and dislike, etc etc and eventually some of the more 'painful moments' of each of your pasts.
So, try not to obsess and instead ENJOY this new adventure. That's what I decided to do and by gosh so far it has been FUN and a great ride!!!!!!
J M H O
Love and hugs,
In January on January 7th I received a phone call that literally KNOCKED MY SOCKS OFF.
My first love and I were literally separated by a wedge being put between us by our parents in early '66 after we had been dating for a year and a half. Never have figured out why although have some pretty good ideas. His folks sent him down to Florida to work in the business there and mine sent me west to take care of one of my grandmothers that was ill at the time.
We both moved on with our lives. Over the years I searched for him but could never find him, started obsessing once I got my first home computer in '99, still couldn't find him. Found out later it was because for over 30 years he has been living out of country.
In October of '07 I said NO MORE. I was literally driving myself insane looking for this man.
I have come to learn that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!
Now to Jan 7th this year. 44 years after our last contact. Yep, I'm sure you realize it was this man. Thank goodness the chair I was sitting on at my computer has arms or I would have been on the floor. We talked for an hour and a half. We ended the call by saying we would talk again in a few days.
Nope, he called that afternoon and we talked for over 4 hours and proceeded to talk by phone every day several times a day, until on 2/10 I flew down to Florida to 'visit' with him. Was suppose to stay 12 days, stayed 3 weeks. Have been going back and forth ever since and so has he.
I have to admit it was hard at first not jump to the future and what we might be able to have, yadda yadda yadda
However, we are taking things SLOWLY. So far so good. NO he is not perfect and neither am I. However, we have seemed to pick up where we left off.
Now true I had been out of my last relationship much much longer than you and had 'resigned' myself to living alone, sort of the been there done that, don't need to do it again thinking.
I am finding that this is working without much effort on my part or his. We still do 'fit'.
Only time will tell for you Transform if you still 'fit.' And that means y'all talking a lot about EVERYTHING under the sun, politics, religion, health care, what foods you each like and dislike, etc etc and eventually some of the more 'painful moments' of each of your pasts.
So, try not to obsess and instead ENJOY this new adventure. That's what I decided to do and by gosh so far it has been FUN and a great ride!!!!!!
J M H O
Love and hugs,
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I'm happy for your reconnect with a friend from the past.
I have enjoyed reconnecting with a few pals from my hometown via social networks. Its been fun sharing some online flirting and laughs.
Now for a word of caution:
Your children. Your marital status. Your sons are old enough to understand you are seperated but not divorced. They are also old enough to notice your excitement over your friendship with this man.
I know there are personal reasons for your choice not to file for divorce. Will your children understand your reasons to pursue a relationship with another man while still married to their father?
I am not saying you will be flaunting a new relationship in front of your sons anytime soon. I am suggesting that they are smart enough to notice your excitement, your moods, your private phone calls, your evenings out w/out them, etc.
You were posting this as part of your processing (playing the tape forward) good on you! Keep processing. You will be fine!
I have enjoyed reconnecting with a few pals from my hometown via social networks. Its been fun sharing some online flirting and laughs.
Now for a word of caution:
Your children. Your marital status. Your sons are old enough to understand you are seperated but not divorced. They are also old enough to notice your excitement over your friendship with this man.
I know there are personal reasons for your choice not to file for divorce. Will your children understand your reasons to pursue a relationship with another man while still married to their father?
I am not saying you will be flaunting a new relationship in front of your sons anytime soon. I am suggesting that they are smart enough to notice your excitement, your moods, your private phone calls, your evenings out w/out them, etc.
You were posting this as part of your processing (playing the tape forward) good on you! Keep processing. You will be fine!
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
I love you guys. Really.
In true IRL fashion, I posted here then went back to my life. Lots of work, writing, kids, etc and the obsession is waning. I really do like my life and am not looking for a relationship. Not that a relationship with him is possible right now anyway, as someone said, the mans' wife just died and I'm still disentangling from my AH. But, a few days out from the high of reconnecting and I have to say I'm a bit afraid of embarking on any kind of romantic relationship. Not necessary, I love my kids and sisters and friends enough. And I have a battery operated boyfriend. What else do I need? I'm safe, here with all my issues, sorting them out one by one. Happy for the most part.
But we are friends, still. Yes, we love talking about everything. In the 4 short hours we had in Wisconsin, we caught up, talked about everything, all the while passing his baby back and forth. God that little guy is adorable. Makes me glad I got myself fixed, otherwise, I"m so ******* crazy, I would go make another one! Even though I don't WANT another freaking kid-I have some kind of glitch that makes me want to make and have and nurse a baby. Bizarre.
Jen-hold up your right hand, fingers and thumb together. This is Michigan. Now point to the part of your thumb muscle that sticks up a bit on the heel of your hand. That is where I live. See how easy that is? Nice to live in a state shaped like a mitten.
My recommendation: get a bicycle! I can get to yoga faster on mine than a car because of the idiotic traffic.
An hour away means getting on the expressway and driving for 40 minutes. Not exactly an hour unless there's ridiculous traffic. He's coming here tomorrow for lunch with myself and ANOTHER friend from the 1980's who is also coming into town. Facebook hookup. Should be fun.
Yes, Still Learning I do astrology and I knew about Venus going retrograde in Scorpio, but didn't know about that aspect of it. I just figured all the vibes Venus dishes out would be challenged. He's a Scorpio, too. Me- Leo, of course.
Laurie, I remember your amazing story and it's a wonderful one! Mine is different, though, because of the kids, his recently deceased wife, etc.
And Pelican, thank you. You know me well.
Back to work I go. I'm eager to finish this stuff and get to my memoir. Now THERE'S something to be excited about.
In true IRL fashion, I posted here then went back to my life. Lots of work, writing, kids, etc and the obsession is waning. I really do like my life and am not looking for a relationship. Not that a relationship with him is possible right now anyway, as someone said, the mans' wife just died and I'm still disentangling from my AH. But, a few days out from the high of reconnecting and I have to say I'm a bit afraid of embarking on any kind of romantic relationship. Not necessary, I love my kids and sisters and friends enough. And I have a battery operated boyfriend. What else do I need? I'm safe, here with all my issues, sorting them out one by one. Happy for the most part.
But we are friends, still. Yes, we love talking about everything. In the 4 short hours we had in Wisconsin, we caught up, talked about everything, all the while passing his baby back and forth. God that little guy is adorable. Makes me glad I got myself fixed, otherwise, I"m so ******* crazy, I would go make another one! Even though I don't WANT another freaking kid-I have some kind of glitch that makes me want to make and have and nurse a baby. Bizarre.
Jen-hold up your right hand, fingers and thumb together. This is Michigan. Now point to the part of your thumb muscle that sticks up a bit on the heel of your hand. That is where I live. See how easy that is? Nice to live in a state shaped like a mitten.
Yep, took me over an hour to go the 2.4 miles between home and work this morning,
An hour away means getting on the expressway and driving for 40 minutes. Not exactly an hour unless there's ridiculous traffic. He's coming here tomorrow for lunch with myself and ANOTHER friend from the 1980's who is also coming into town. Facebook hookup. Should be fun.
Yes, Still Learning I do astrology and I knew about Venus going retrograde in Scorpio, but didn't know about that aspect of it. I just figured all the vibes Venus dishes out would be challenged. He's a Scorpio, too. Me- Leo, of course.
Laurie, I remember your amazing story and it's a wonderful one! Mine is different, though, because of the kids, his recently deceased wife, etc.
And Pelican, thank you. You know me well.
Back to work I go. I'm eager to finish this stuff and get to my memoir. Now THERE'S something to be excited about.
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