tam

been 10 months since my AH left. I am confused as to what direction Im going. I hope and pray he gets sober, but in my heart I know our marriage can not be saved. There is too much pain and distrust in me. I can forgive
but I have to be honest, I dont think I can be married to him. I dont think
he will ever be the person he was before the addiction. I dont have anger as much as I used to so that is a good thing. in time I will be able to talk to him and be friends, I know he would want that but I cant love him as a wife again. I feel for him, but I feel for myself too. so, where am I going? have no clue!!! I have stopped going to meetings because truthfully I need to get away from addiction. after my cancer I attended support groups for awhile then there came a time where I needed to move on from cancer and thats how I feel now about addiction. (except for this forum of course). I am lonely yet deathly afraid to date or even be friends with a guy..gosh, been 30 years and have no clue how I would act ,lol..yet Im considering support groups for seperated,divorced and widowed people. just havent made the call yet!! Im also considering a partime job maybe in a nursing home (I like helping people) to keep me busy as doing chores is getting awful boring, how much chores can one do? I sit home at night alone and lonely. I feel I deserve to live a happy life, go out and do things with someone. but Im scared and guilts sets in about doing this to my husband if it ever happens. I think about a prince charming is around the corner waiting,LOL...good news is I have been going out with my niece to the malls and movies or going out and about by myself and have seen my self esteem has improved in that aspect, but still needs work as far as how to maybe move on some..thanks for listening

Kindeyes

tam
You have taken some very courageous steps in your life. You have overcome some incredible difficulties. And now you can concentrate on YOU. That's really exciting! Joining groups and dabbling in things you have always wanted to do but haven't had the time or energy is something worthwhile. Some things I have always wanted to do are: paint again (I love watercolors), yoga (I'm doing this one), play the piano (took lessons as a child but would love to do it again), learn a language (I dabble with Spanish but would like to get serious).

Perhaps making a list (right here on SR) would help you to identify some of the things you would love to do but just haven't because other things (like cancer and addiction) have taken up so much of your time and energy in the past.

What would you like to do?

gentle hugs

outtolunch

I am one of those who believes that volunteering /giving back cures the blues.

Your local hospital sure could use another volunteer, especially one as compassionate as you. It gets you out of the house,doing good and exposes you to like- minded people.

tam

k..here it is:

I signed up for my 1st 5K run in 9 years its this saturday,going to be comp.timed and Im a nervous wreck, but have been training

Join a co-ed gym some day when Im mentally stable (LOL) wink wink..and have the money

I applied for a partime job in a nursing home to help in the dining room, hoping to hear soon. its only 16 hours a week which is perfect for me. this will give me some extra money to join a gym and be rewarding as well.


thank you for your replies and most importantly helping me get to where I am today ..hugs!!

keepinon

You are doing so GREAT!Just keep it up..see where it takes you, be open. I think you are doing exactly what you should be..you are an inspiration. have you heard about meet-ups? I haven't done it, but google it and see..I think its differnt topics/interests and people just get together could be food, wine, art, etc. Might be worth looking into!