thisisforellie

I have been struggling with alcohol and anxiety for a long time. I recently went 9+ months sober because I was pregnant. It was real proof that I could do it. But after having my daughter in June, I have gotten drunk twice. Yes, you may say "only twice" but each time is just awful. Each time was followed by severe depression and anxiety for a week or more.

I want to do this for my daughter. I don't want to be a "drunk mom". Something about it feels terribly wrong now, like I am hurting her.

I am also smoking again. I had quit smoking during the pregnancy too. Now things are sliding back. I feel like the alcohol is worse, but I want to stop the smoking too.

Has anyone experienced parenthood and had to deal with alcoholism? It seems the years are so long and the job of parenting so stressful that I will want to have a drink once and a while. But now everything has changed.

How do I do this?

shegirl

Being a new mother is very hard. I did not get help until recently, my daughter is four, I started seeing a therapist when she was three and a half about. Dont worry about quitting both at once. I wish I would of seen a therapist sooner after my daughter was born. I'm on medication now, and I'm in therapy and I've seen a world of difference. Its just my opinion I think you need to adress your anxiety and depression. Take care!

Freedom1990

My oldest daughter spent the first 8 years of her life being around a drunk and/or loaded mother.

My second daughter was born almost 2 years after I got clean/sober the first time around. By then I was active in AA and fairly solid in my recovery.

My own personal experience is that I needed a 12-step program in order to maintain long term sobriety.

I'm incredibly grateful that I celebrated 20 years clean/sober this past August. Recovery is possible!

caribbean

As a new mom, you are undergoing a ton of hormonal changes that complicate matters for you. If I were in your shoes, I'd talk to my doctor straight away and see if there is anything going on hormonally, maybe even postpartum depression, that is adding to your challenges with recovery.

I'm not a parent, so my perspective is limited, but I have a ton of friends who are new moms, and there are sooooo many challenges -- even though it can be a happy time, you and your body have a ton of adjusting to do -- a dangerous place for any addict.

Did you quit drinking and smoking "cold turkey" without help? If you had help, maybe return to where you found it before? If not, maybe now is the time to check out AA or some other group to help you?

bellakeller

I had to quit because I couldn't be present for my kids. I was always either painfully hungover or obsessed with the time I could have a next drink. Towards the end of my drinking my kids witnessed me passed out a couple times and that was really terrifying for them. Other times toward the end I drank but only just before they went to bed but I was clearly not making sense or giving them the attention they needed. Mommy was there but not there. I wasn't there for them even if I wasn't drunk - I might as well have been because my attention was nowhere near focused where it should be.

So I tried to quit and found out that I couldn't do this by myself and needed help to do it. I picked AA for that help and I've been sober since my bottom (which was uuuuuuugggly).

wow1323

This, Yup, I was sober for my entire prenancy and then after because I was breast feeding him. I started hanging out with my friends once a week a few months ago and I would drink and smoke. ( I quit smoking a month before I became preggo) for me that went hand in hand. Well, the hangovers felt different. I felt that I had ruined the next day with my son because I fely guilty, hungover, and couldn't be the mom I wanted to be. I slipped up on my birthday hardcore in July. I thought I had learned my lesson, but did it again on 9/10/10. Well, that for me was bottom. The last time I will ever drink. I realized the drink just covered up a deeper emotional pain. I was self-medicating. I do a lot of work to deal with all I was stuffing down for all those years, but I will tell you saying good-bye to acohol is the BEST dissusion WE can make. Nothing GOOD comes from it. Just low self-esteem. It will never love you like your baby can..... and yourself. Stay strong .

SSIL75

I'm an alcoholic mother. I wanted to quit after my first was born but it got worse. Well, I guess it kind of morphed. I stopped the major binging I used to do and started more chronic drinking. I guess that was worse b/c it took over more of my life.

4 years later I'm tackling it, finally. It's learning a new way to live. New ways to have fun, grieve, destress, celebrate. I mean alcohol was all those things for me.

I have tried to moderate in the past with disasterous results. It was one step forward, two steps back. I have had to accept that alcohol depresses me and stunts my growth.

least

I started drinking when my kids were teenagers, three years ago, and just quit ten months ago. I had the help of my doctor and weekly sessions with an addiction counselor. It helped a lot. I urge you to get help in stopping before it gets worse, and it always gets worse.

Welcome to SR!

Kmber2010

Welcome and you have our support.

I spent years drinking and trying to moderate and towards the ends lived with anxiety and panic attacks that would go on for days. I was miserable - physically, mentally and in every way imaginable.

I came here....got support for my alcoholism and I started recovery. I knew I had underlying issues so I sought out counseling which has been a life saver and combined with daily work, I have made tremendous positive change in my life and I feel amazing. Life isn't perfect in any way for me but I can handle everything with a positive confident outlook.

A few months into recovery I found out I was pregnant (imagine that after years of unexplained fertility) and I have to say it has been a ride. My hormones have been out of wack and some anxiety has returned. Out of the blue and for now reason.

I continue with my recovery and each challenge that comes up I work through and with the help of my counselor we find positive ways of handling it.

I suggest looking into support. Many folks go through PPD and just the ups/downs of being a new mother. Having a child is a huge life change and even folks who never had addiction issues or anxiety problems are affected.

I'm so glad you are here and you did an amazing job of getting sober. Don't take that away from yourself. You see yourself possibly heading down a negative path and you are reaching out.

Stay strong and read through our threads. There are many support options available for you.

All the best

Dee74

I'm not a parent, but I wanted to welcome you, thisisforellie
You'll find a lot of support here

D

DayTrader

A lot of us found that we could quit for periods of time....sometimes rather long periods of time.... but unless you plan on being pregnant forever you'd do well to grab the bull by the horns now. I don't know if you've crossed that invisible line into alcoholism or not. My sponsor only drank about 5 or 6 times a year for the last couple years of his drinking life but amounts and frequency don't define alcoholism.

If you don't know what alcoholism IS yet, stick around, ask around, do some research and make a decision if you'd like to get some help to stay sober "for good and for all" which is an interesting way of saying "do you want to be sober forever." You don't ever have to take another drink and lemme tell ya......it's awesome.

Best of luck to you - I hope you find your way.

julez

Listen, I don't advocate binge drinking, or any drinking beyond moderation, but I have to say, please please do yourself a favor, and stop BEFORE your child is a teenager. I was THE BEST mom when my kids were little. Didnt drink or anything. I didn't work, was the volunteer for everything, you get the picture. Now since my kid is a teen, and is giving me such a hard time, I decide to overdo it. To lose control of my drinking. When she needs a good role model the most. IF you feel like you have a problem, and want to quit, the best thing you can do for your child, is quit before they "notice" or recognize the difference in you.

Anna

Being a Mother is the hardest job in the world.

I didn't drink at all until my kids reached their teen-age years. At that point, things came together in my life like a 'perfect storm' and I turned to alcohol to self medicate anxiety/depression/insomnia. What a huge mistake!

I'm glad you are seeking support.

stanleyhouse

When my son was young i felt like nobody supported me when I suggested that I was alcoholic. I didn't have caregivers so I could go to AA. Everybody told me I drank like every other twenty something. I've known I was an alcoholic since I was 20. I did not know I was clinically depressed until I became sober. With the help of meds and therapy the depression is under control.
I wish I had the courage you have right now. It took me fifteen years to find sobriety and peace in recovery.
I hope you find your path to recovery, your life will be better than what you imagine it could be.
SH

racinstalldev

I'm sick of being a drunk dad.

Having my 4 year old ask why I always drink beer just isn't cool.

Breaks my heart, actually.

Sean4988

I was a drunk father the first 5 years of my Son's life and know how you are feeling. To escape the painful feeling how I was fu*king up my own Son was killing me inside and I knew it was just wrong. I had went through a divorce when he was 3 and drowned the pain thorugh alcohol. I thought, he's to young, he won't know what I'm doing.... he knows something was wrong with Daddy, although he was very young, these are the most critical years of a childs life and they are smarter than we give them credit for. After I did the 4th step in the BB, I realized just how selfish I was and what was really important to me. My drinking was serving no one any purpose, I was deluted thinking it helped me but that was a LIE, very, very selfish. I owe my Son some big time ammends and I will spend the rest of my life making it right. Hang in there, and just don't drink no matter what, one day at a time, don't look ahead of that. God Bless

flutter

Hey there, I got pregnant when I was just 3 months into my sobriety journey.. Yes, it IS stressful to be a new mom, incredibly stressful. I made sure that I worked on how I could live the rest of my life sober, and so far it's worked. I haven't wanted a drink yet, and in December I'll have 2 years (baby is 10 months old now!). I saw a counselor for a long time, went to some meetings, did everything I could to make sure I learned the tools to live a life that never included drinking again. I grew up in an alcoholic household.. and it was incredibly damaging, long term. I'm glad you're taking the steps you need too, now, to make sure your daughter doesn't know a drunk mom, but only a fully present, healthy, clear headed mommy.