LS2

I guess it is a true thing when my alanon group told me "Alcoholic's never leave!"

I just told you, wonderful people btw, that I told ABF that I don't love him anymore and HE thought it would be best if he found his own place.

Ummm, yeah, this put a lot of gulit onn myself and I do love him for the beautiful children he gave me..and I told him that I re-phrase that into, I don't love the disease and the behaviors it causes but I love what is inside you.

He said he found a place that he could move into in November, but he kept blaming me that it was ME who told him to leave...I said I am not MAKING you leave you are choosing to leave. Well there I did it.

He made a counseling appointment. Which he said he would attend only if we were going to work on things between us. I just basically said I am working on myself before even thinking of working on things between us. He refuses to go to AA, his choice...but it is a requirement for his drivers license. I just am so angry about these things he gets away with...trying to just LET IT GO! I feel like reporting him to the courts-tell myself just LET IT GO! But then I start thinking of my kids...and the "what if's" And it I guess I just need to let him deal with it.

Are you suppose to not mention these "rules" to the alcoholic? Like he is not following through with what the contract for his license says!

Everything is spiraling back to what it was, trying to be intimate-want to "talk", like today he wanted me to come home from school while he had a 2 hour block of time before loading the train so he wanted me to come talk. I said no. He got mad.

Still Waters

In my experience, marriage counseling was useless, as he was not addressing any of his own issues because there was "nothing wrong with him". I was going to counseling for mine, and he wanted to use marriage counseling as a weapon to tell me how it was all my fault. Waste of money.

Freedom1990

I lost track of all the things my AD got away with in regards to the legal system.

I used to get so frustrated and angry. That did nothing but make me ill, and certainly didn't change what was going on.

My life is so much better when I put the focus back on me, and what I need to be doing in order to move forward in my own recovery.

Learn2Live

My gosh, how frustrating, I remember having this exact same conversation. The other person would always blame me and I would always try to put it back on him. It was like a frickin' ping-pong game. Back and forth and back and forth. Someone once said something like, Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If you are tired of the insanity, all you have to do is step off the merry-go-round. It will not stop until SOMEone stops. Do you think it's going to be him?

I try to focus on keeping my side of the street clean. When I find myself wanting to tell other people their problems, I tell myself to mind my own business.

You might want to try No Contact.

Jadmack25

L2L describes the "ping pong" type contact with an active/dry A. I found time after time that, even if they were "understanding" to start with, at some point this changed into
"no more Mr Nice Guy", and suddenly I was attacked as the one to blame for all their ills and bad luck etc.

You tell you AH you have changed feelings for him, and he is prepared to live elsewhere.
He is prepared for counseling, but only if you attend also......why?

He refuses to abide by rules for his licence, so would he carry thru on counseling ideas anyway?
He may feel unloved and abandoned, but hey....who felt this way when he was so busy drinking and not loving to you? I sometimes wonder where these guys get the idea that, them not drinking automatically wipes the slate clean....IT DOES NOT.

If you want him to go live in this apartment, and not attend counseling with him, tell him
so, and if necessary tell him why you feel this.
If he can't understand, is upset or even angry then that is his problem, you are still feeling as you do and that IS your problem.

Life was hard enough with an active A, and now you need to re-unite with you, not still be under the thumb.
You want recovery and he obviously doesn't, so you want freedom from worry and relapse, plus time to work thru your slate list. If he can't see that, who needs him?