LoneHippie

I'm an addict, but alcohol is my drug of choice. I spent 14 months clean and sober the last time, then went back at it for a couple of years. This last spiral was even worse than the first(and the first was a long slow death!) and I'm afraid that the same old rotten thinking will drive me back. Thank you all for allowing me to speak my fears.

least

Welcome to the best recovery site on the net. I'm glad you joined the family. I hope we can help you as much as this site has helped me.

Hollyanne

Hi Lonehippie,
I too went out after 2 yrs! Holy cow! Only able to get back now since 5/09!
I am on day 13 now and honestly I do not think I will be in a hurry to go back out.
Do not look at it as inevitable. That is defeatist and not fair to yourself.
I would say one thing, do not drop program once sober as you need continued re enforcement. That was my mistake, and as soon as a big thing came up, I dealt with it like a pro and then went on a bender and just couldn't get back until now.
So, give yourself credit and do not be nervous. Enjoy and congrats.

MelissaNoDrugs

The good news is you only have to worry about TODAY.

Antiderivative

Welcome. Relapse happens, but I am very happy that you are reaching out for help. Some people who relapse never make it back. So, it is very admirable of you to reach out, dust yourself off, and make another attempt at sobriety.

I feel for you. You are currently trapped in that awful cycle of addiction. However, don't beat yourself up over it. Beating yourself up over it will get you nowhere. You are doing the right thing and that is something to give yourself credit for. Additionally, once you put down the drink and work on your recovery, the fear, remorse, and self-inflicted guilt will dissipate.

Part of recovery is correcting that stinkin' thinkin'. It takes time and effort to make those modifications. Realize this and be gentle with yourself. You can do this! Take baby steps. Put the plug in the jug and ask yourself what is the next right thing I need to do. If you don't know, then that is ok. Sometimes the answers take time, but at least you know what not to do.

Again,

DayTrader

I think I know what you're trying to say but I'd recommend searching for some additional clarity. While some say a drug is a drug is a drug (and I've BEEN that person to say just that), there's a difference in the treatment of alcoholism vs. narcotics addiction.

Some will say addiction is addiction.....but gamblers have the best odds (no pun intended ) when they're working with fellow gamblers, over-eaters when working with fellow over-eaters, narcotic addicts with fellow addicts and alcoholics with fellow alcoholics.

I know AA's who tried to hide out in NA meetings because they liked the more laid-back environment...only it didn't work for them in the long run. On the other side of the coin, I know addicts who've hung out in AA meetings because they liked the brand of recovery in AA better.......only it didn't work for them either.

Seek, as openly as you can, to find YOUR truth and go from there.

Ghostly

Welcome Lone Hippie! You will find a lot of support here.

artsoul

Welcome LH - It's hard to get back on track, I know. I've had to do it twice after several years of sobriety. This time was different for me because the hangovers were worse (I started thinking about my health going downhill) and the emotional/mental toll got to be too much.

It's tempting to want to drink again after we've gotten our lives back and think we can "handle" a drink or two. Our problem seems to be that no matter how we start out again, we always, always want more and more.

I'm so glad your here! Hang in there, and remember to take it a day at a time.:ghug3

bellakeller

I am so glad you are alive and made it back here. Someone up there is pulling for you. Stick around and you won't be alone in this.