Artifical

Hi guys, I'm back again (not that anyone remembers), but i posted a while back about being addicted to opiates (painkillers) and smoking increasing amount of weed (more so lately).

I just wanted to post to say i'm ready to try thing different, just listen to suggestions and take them onboard, because as much as I think i'm doing fine, i'm slowly getting worse. It's at the point that I dont want todo anything anymore, i just think about spending money, it feels like i'm in control then.

I know i've gota go to an NA meeting, i've just got a big fear in my gut, that I'm gona go and that it doesnt cure me and then I know I',ll never stop. So thats why i've put it off, because I want to see if can, but i cant.

I just say one more bag, just 2 more tablets, but before you know it, i'm still saying the same **** when i light one up, i still feel like I want more, yet i hate the stuff, I hate the taste, I hate it makes me unhealthy. I waste alot of the stuff cuz i just throw em, cuz I dunno why the hell I get a craving to go somewhere quiet and chill out.

I can instantly making me feel a little more dopey, but it also gives me bad nerves and always makes me worry about little crap all the time.

I've stopped for 2-3 weeks at a time, but I get to a certain point and it just feels like I'm over it, and being sober isnt that great.

thanks for listening peeps!

coming_clean

thanks for sharing artifical,

I am a weed addict myself, this is day 18 I think I´m sober now. Just being sober isn´t gonna make your life suddenly wonderfull like an eternal bliss or high like with smoking dope.

It can suck sometimes, life just does. But at least your not lying to yourself anymore, plus you will gain the strenght, courage and tools to deal with it in a good way, instead of running away.

I got tired of running, since I stopped fighting, and starting surrendering things are a lot easier to cope with...

take care,

artsoul

I think you hit the nail on the head when it comes to addiction: We keep thinking "just one more....."

That was the way my drinking went - I was never satisfied, no matter how much I'd already had. I thought about quitting for years but kept putting it off just to have that "one more." Finally (after feeling totally beaten), a thought occured to me: If I don't stop now, then WHEN?

I'm glad you found SR. I come here every day and sometimes more if I'm feeling a bit shaky. You can be free too, if you want to.:ghug3

Anna

Hi and Welcome back!

I think you are really expressing the love/hate relationship we have with alcohol/drugs. And, yeah, it's very scary to think of giving it up. I took a very long time to get to the point where I knew I had to stop. I wish I had done it sooner.

Please know that you can do this!

gettingsobernow

I'm an opiate (painkiller) addict also and this first month has been hard so give yourself kudos for stopping. Admitting there is a problem is step one. Peace.

Artifical

THanks for your responces pepps!

Today i've smoked my last joint/taken my last painkillers and have a small bit of weed left, which I'm going to give away tommorow.

Tommorow is a fresh day and im going todo things a little differently:

Im going to stay away from dangerous 'drug taking' situations/people.
Going to post on here atleast once a day
Write something atleast once a day (diary/blog)
Go to bed and get up at a decent time
Gym atleast 2 time a week
Go on bike as often as i like
Find time to read
Go to bed when im craving (seems to work)


What advice would you give yourself at the start of your soberity, that you've learned only through time.

any comments really appreciated

Anna

Balance is the best advice I could give you. I needed balance in my life for me to recover.

Your plan sounds good. I think exercise of some kind is important. I think writing/journalling is important for the mental aspect of recovering. And, for me, I work on my spiritual connection every day too, either meditating or reading or sometimes just 'alone' time.

least

Balance is a good thing, also taking it one day at a time, cliched as that sounds. But to learn to live in the moment, not worrying about tomorrow or regretting yesterday, but just enjoying your life this minute cause all you really have is this minute...

On a related note... I have a favorite quote from the book by Betty Smith called A Tree Grows in Brooklyn that goes like this:

"To look at everything as though you were seeing it for the first or last time; thus will your days on earth be filled with glory." And I think that's true. To keep the wonder we felt upon first seeing or doing something, and to keep the spiritual awareness we feel upon knowing we could be seeing or doing it for the last time.

casinofromky

Been on 10's then 15's then 30's oxycodone for 5/7 years. Last week i woke up and out of meds on the prowl. Guy sold me some suboxone i couldnt find any 3's so i went for it. I was so sick i was just gonna crash my car and end it. Took the 6 sub strips and felt better for those 2/3 days than i had felt in ten years. So i went to suboxone Dr. Now i have been on the subs for 8 days and i feel like myself again! I have got offer after offer to go to fl and get 3's and i have declined. I have not even thought about the 3's since i been on these. So if not for them I would be selling everything i got to get more and more until i would be in withdrawl again. Anything to not go through that! So please try them they r working for me, its very hard but they are helping.

Artifical

Well i havent had much success this week to be honest, i just didnt try hard enough. Feel terrible today, my 18month old jack russell pup got run over and later died on the way to doggy hospital

Dee74

I'm sorry artifical - I know how things like that hurt and how they are hard to deal with not just for folks like us but for anyone...

but sadness and loss are an unavoidable part of existing - and we owe it to ourselves to learn to really deal with that part of life too I think.

I hope you keep in your mind you're not doing yourself any favours by going back to old habits - stay strong.

D

endlesspatience

Bad news about your dog. That is going to upset you. But many of us have found that some bad news or external thing has been an excuse for CHOOSING to damage ourselves (and others) by using/ drinking. I noticed in your original plan for coming off the drugs you did NOT include going to NA. You seemed to be of the impression that it would be an easy enough thing to do it on your own. That is not, in my humble opinion, how it works. It works when we accept the problem, surrender and ask for help. I stopped going to meetings for a few weeks and ran into all sorts of trouble. I've been to three in the past 24 hours. Not saying it was a miracle but I haven't had a drink today and that's what counts, isn't it? We do empathise you but bear in mind we are all addicts or in relationships with addicts. We have experience of what works and what doesn't.

casinofromky

OMG I just got on here. I'm so sorry bout ur puppy! I have 3 jack russells I love them, and they can tell when I'm on drugs and when I'm not. I look at them when high and I think they know! I dont want to enjoy time w them as I would normally! I just relapsed after freakin 14 days, was doing sooo good and the beast came by. So I'll have to start over and see if my dr. will even take me back if not I'm screwed! I'm just hopin to go see him tomorrow and start over....but idk....if not i'll die!

casinofromky

god how hard has it been for u its been the worst thing of and n my life! I relapsed and back to square one, but I'm gonna beat the devil one way or another!

Dee74

I'm sorry you relapsed casino but I'm glad you're seeing your Dr
Good luck!

D

2stop

I had to WANT it more than I NEEDED it. I had to change my attitude and thinking patterns. Toughest thing I ever did, but the most rewarding, and it saved my life. I was addicted to opiates. for a very long time. I got really bad, couldn't leave the house, sick scared and crazy all the time.When I found SR I slowly started to make the changes I needed to live a sober sane life. And remember ya just have to stand up one more time than you fall down, take small steps. It is a journey and a process. The little changes at a time worked better for me and the really added up too. At first I tried to do too much and to do it perfectly.

Every moment is another chance........hang in there. It CAN and HAS been done. Keep posting there are wonderful people here on SR.

******{Warmest Hugs}}}}