Ronan

I picked up a drink on wednesday and drank until last night. I messed up so bad. 5 and a half months of sobriety thrown down the toilet.

Back on the wagon I go. Just really god damned disappointed with myself. Oh and to make matters worse the whole world knows I've relapsed.


Anyway just wanted to share.

Ghostly

Figure out what to do different this time.

Ronan

I wish I could. I guess I just thought I deserved a drink. Foolish.

least

I wouldn't say your sober time is gone, it's still there and just waiting for you to reach it and exceed it. You can do this. I too relapsed more times than I can remember, but I finally 'got it' and you can too. Make this your last day One.

NEOMARXIST

Hey man. I wondered where you had been mate. I know for me then I have to keep actively working and living my recovery each day.

I have to 'keep it real' on a daily basis or else it wouldn't be long before the old alkie ways would start creeping back in again.

I'm sorry to hear you picked a drink up man. I know for this alkie then I have to make sure I 'bank' the good times and reach out in the bad times. Reaching out to fellow alcoholics and addicts in recovery is crucial I feel.

It's good to have you back on here mate and your drinking style reminds me of mine. I tended to be a round the clock 2/3 day heavy, messy binger.

All The best

Toronto68

I didn't know what to say, so I just clicked the Thank You button.

I think you should remember you deserve credit for stopping, for one thing. When it comes to thinking you deserved a drink, then I guess that means you still had in your mind that alcohol was a rewarding tool.

I'm glad you want to start over and that you had the willingess to say so.

LexieCat

Sorry to hear about the slip, but it is a reality for a lot of people in early recovery. Are you still going to AA? Do you have a sponsor, and are you working the Steps?

Fandy

yes, I agree with Toronto, you are still thinking of booze as some kind of reward. you sound as if you feel guilty.

what's done is done, you can't take it back...BUT (there's always a but ya'know)....you DO realize that you feel like crappola and you obviously don't want to....so you go back to being sober (after the withdrawals and puking stops and you feel like more crappola) and you remember that part...and you will figure out what needs to be different in your life, where you need support, what you need to change inside yourself.

this is just my version of how and what worked for me....i do wish you to feel better and stronger, I hope you find what will keep you sober and happy.

Ronan

Thanks for the kind words. I really am so ******* angry with myself.

I'm gonna go back to AA when I'm feeling better. I totally took my eye off the ball recovery-wise, and this is what happens.

Ghostly

Try to look forward now. Learn from this. Figure out what to do different. Remember this feeling you have, other than that don't look back. You had a few months. You can do this Ronan, it's up to you.

Dee74

Many of us fell a time or two Ronan....it's hard to accept that the rest of the world gets to do things we can't.

I'm sorry - but I'm glad you're back.

Take the lessons you've learned and move on

D

LexieCat

Just a thought... this is maybe when you SHOULD go back to AA, right when the wound is fresh.

Seriously. I went to my first meeting the day after my last drink, when I was feeling like crap. Feeling desperate and hopeless can be a gift when it comes to recovery. It beats us into a state of reasonableness. Once we start feeling better, it seems like the mental defenses go back up. You can think of this as a window of opportunity.

LovesToTravel

Get up and dust yourself off. Don't forget that sober time because it was important and you did it and felt good. Seems that you probably got to comfortable and it "gotcha". Be more dilligent next time. Glad you came here and posted rather than to be just mad at yourself. Lots of people make mistakes..

Squizz

You're not an idiot, you just made a mistake. Just don't quit quitting! One day you'll get it. Just don't ever stop TRYING.

CarolD

Welcome back to both SR and AA.....

I've found much understanding and support in them.

Bobby

The Important thing is that you made it back Ronan, it could have been worse

BurningChrome

Hey Ronan, Just a FYI... You are NOT alone. I'd wager _everyone_ on this msg. board has had your experience. The best we can do is learn from it, get up, dust ourselves off, and start again. Never, Ever give up! You sober time was _Not_ wasted so don't be telling yourself that! It was a learning experience, learning how to live again. So you tripped up... BFD... Drink a ton of Gatorade and start anew tomorrow! Do Not beat yourself up over what happened. What's done is done. Tomorrow is a new day and you move forward from there! Hang in there, you have already proven to yourself you CAN do this!
Best Regards,
..Mike