Help......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Somwhere, USA
Posts: 52
Help......
I'm not sure if it's okay but I posted in another section too...
I came onto this site when I was 14 years old, in a very bad place in my life. When I was 15 I got clean and 2 months after that I met my husband who was also a recovering addict. We helped each other stay clean for over 4 years! We got married and had a child. Life was good, but then summer break in college came and he was doing nothing for about 5 weeks. In that time he started to hang out with these people who he called his cousins although I've never met them. Weird stuff started happening, like he'd stay out all night and I couldn't get a hold of him. He broke promises and spent lots of money in short periods of time. I told him he didn't need to hang out with those people but he still did.....
He has started fights within my family and have actually told family members he's going to kill them. Once I found him passed out in his car, in a bad neighborhood when he was suppose to come home to watch his daughter so I could go to work. Then a couple nights ago he was suppose to come home and I found him at his brothers passed out. His cousin said before they got there he was swerving all over the road and actually had to pull over and let his cousin drive. I tried waking him up but it was impossible. I had his brother carry him to my car and I took him to the hospital because I knew they would do a drug test. He's still unconcious at the hospital even when they do multiple IV's and draw blood and place a catheter. His heart rate was really low and breathing was really shallow. It was scary. They gave him oxygen for about 10 minutes and he started to wake up with the nurses talking to him. He finally admitted he had done meth that night. I started to cry. over 4 years clean and he did it again. later that night he admitted to me that he had been taking xanax bars lately too and probably which is why he was so hard to get up. he said he did the meth once, but im not sure i belive it....
anyways... we are at a point now where I told him he needs to get help or I'm gone. I know he needs to hit rock bottom but after a day out of our house he said he would go and I don't know if that's rock bottom for him yet. Today I had a friend take him to a meeting but he didn't enjoy it. There was lots of people in a tiny room talking all at once and all they talked about was god, which he does not belive in. I don't blame him for not liking it. But now he says he won't go to another one. I told him he should start out talking with a counselour but then he says I need counseling too for my "attitude" ... and my attitude comes from being a nervous stressful wreck because of him. I think his mental, physical health is more important then mine right now. my friend who is really active in recovery says right now he is not ready to admit anything, and hasn't hit rock bottom and isn't ready for recovery yet. I just don't know what to do.... please help me.
I came onto this site when I was 14 years old, in a very bad place in my life. When I was 15 I got clean and 2 months after that I met my husband who was also a recovering addict. We helped each other stay clean for over 4 years! We got married and had a child. Life was good, but then summer break in college came and he was doing nothing for about 5 weeks. In that time he started to hang out with these people who he called his cousins although I've never met them. Weird stuff started happening, like he'd stay out all night and I couldn't get a hold of him. He broke promises and spent lots of money in short periods of time. I told him he didn't need to hang out with those people but he still did.....
He has started fights within my family and have actually told family members he's going to kill them. Once I found him passed out in his car, in a bad neighborhood when he was suppose to come home to watch his daughter so I could go to work. Then a couple nights ago he was suppose to come home and I found him at his brothers passed out. His cousin said before they got there he was swerving all over the road and actually had to pull over and let his cousin drive. I tried waking him up but it was impossible. I had his brother carry him to my car and I took him to the hospital because I knew they would do a drug test. He's still unconcious at the hospital even when they do multiple IV's and draw blood and place a catheter. His heart rate was really low and breathing was really shallow. It was scary. They gave him oxygen for about 10 minutes and he started to wake up with the nurses talking to him. He finally admitted he had done meth that night. I started to cry. over 4 years clean and he did it again. later that night he admitted to me that he had been taking xanax bars lately too and probably which is why he was so hard to get up. he said he did the meth once, but im not sure i belive it....
anyways... we are at a point now where I told him he needs to get help or I'm gone. I know he needs to hit rock bottom but after a day out of our house he said he would go and I don't know if that's rock bottom for him yet. Today I had a friend take him to a meeting but he didn't enjoy it. There was lots of people in a tiny room talking all at once and all they talked about was god, which he does not belive in. I don't blame him for not liking it. But now he says he won't go to another one. I told him he should start out talking with a counselour but then he says I need counseling too for my "attitude" ... and my attitude comes from being a nervous stressful wreck because of him. I think his mental, physical health is more important then mine right now. my friend who is really active in recovery says right now he is not ready to admit anything, and hasn't hit rock bottom and isn't ready for recovery yet. I just don't know what to do.... please help me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Welcome back BK
I'm sorry for your situation.
I think you were right to set your boundaries when you told him 'he needs to get help or I'm gone'.
I hope he finds it in himself to reassess his priorities very quickly.
I know you'll find a lot of support here - & you might also like to check out our Family and Friends forum for more support too
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
I'm sorry for your situation.
I think you were right to set your boundaries when you told him 'he needs to get help or I'm gone'.
I hope he finds it in himself to reassess his priorities very quickly.
I know you'll find a lot of support here - & you might also like to check out our Family and Friends forum for more support too
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Glad you here BK.
I agree that this is on him to do. Being supportive is one thing but you can not jeopardize your own well being.
I am glad you drew the line.
I am not sure about folks having to hit rock bottom....some are able to recognize they have a problem before their lives have completely spun out of control. What I do say and agree with your friend on is that he must be ready. Doesn't sound like he is at this point. When or if he gets there is on him.
Counseling/support is a great idea. For him....and or for you.
Regardless of his situation....protect yourself and your child first is the best thing.
Glad you are here and there is much support for family members and friends.
Stay strong.
I agree that this is on him to do. Being supportive is one thing but you can not jeopardize your own well being.
I am glad you drew the line.
I am not sure about folks having to hit rock bottom....some are able to recognize they have a problem before their lives have completely spun out of control. What I do say and agree with your friend on is that he must be ready. Doesn't sound like he is at this point. When or if he gets there is on him.
Counseling/support is a great idea. For him....and or for you.
Regardless of his situation....protect yourself and your child first is the best thing.
Glad you are here and there is much support for family members and friends.
Stay strong.
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