saxman

I have been attending at least 5 different alonon meetings a week and trying to pray and read every night. I admit some nights I just dont. It seems like the harder I try the harder my life gets. I have a sponsor who is very good and helps me all he can. I am starting to feel like this program is to hard and just to painful to keep going. Maybe its true that some people just are born under a bad sign, just like the song says. I have been in Alonon for 6 months and finding it getting very not simple unlike what the slogan says to keep it simple.

Dee74

Hi Saxman.

I'm sorry you're finding it tough going.

I actually have no experience with al anon, but I'm sure others will be along.
You may find even more support in our Family and Friends forums too

Welcome to SR

D

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I think recovery IS really hard and some of the work is really painful.

But, thee is lots of support here, and we do understand.

least

Check this out for lots of support.


Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

firestorm090

Some birdbrain once told me it's always darkest before the dawn and I just wanted to smack him up side the head. But, you know, it's true and in the depths of our despair, we sometimes find the very strength we've been searching for to ask for help. You've done that now, but you may have to wait through the night before the help you seek becomes visible. Keeping it simple doesn't mean it's easy, so hang in there.

saxman

I feel like I need to respond. I am not feeling sorry for myself, but I am dealing with a lot of loss, starting with losing my youngest brother to a homicide. 5 guys beat him to death, my dad died because of it and my mom gave up and ended up in a freakin nursing home because of it. So in essence i lost my family accept for one younger brother. I am a very hard worker and i have lost numerous jobs through no fault of my own. I am not only a professional musician who worked at Disney, Universal and various other music venues as a staff musician. I also owned my own training business and lost that thanks to this economy. I also have a teaching degree. Now i may have to foreclose on my house, because i cant afford it. I hate the mortgage company i am dealing with. I have applied for the MHA program in April and they are still yanking my chain and they wonder why people go postal. I have never felt this bad in my life and I dont feel like I want to go on anymore in this program. I have been very dilligent with the program and like i said the harder i try the harder and more painful it gets

Dee74

I'm sorry for your troubles Saxman - sounds like a lot to deal with.

As I said I'm not in AlAnon...but it seems to me a good programme can't stop bad things happening.

Life is life for all of us - it's sometimes good and sometimes not - but a programme can provide us with some tools to deal with stuff better.

What's your sponsor's advice?

I know you'll find a lot of support here too.

I hope things improve for you soon.
D

saxman

Thanks Dee i appreciate that, but right now i have turned my phone off and i don't want to talk to anybody. I think this program is a good program, but it is extremely difficult and im starting to think it is not for me. As much as people don't believe this some people are born with luck, and end up on their feet no matter what they do. Others like me have to fight and struggle through everything.

Dee74

I'm sorry you feel that way saxman - for me, when I'm in any kind of trouble, the most important things are not to isolate and to look for support.

I hope you see a change in your fortunes soon

D

LexieCat

You said you are going to a lot of meetings and trying to read and to pray. Have you been working the steps, in order, with your sponsor?

Twelve-Step programs don't promise to make life stop coming at us, but they do promise to help us become better able to cope with what comes.

Is it helping you to be angry and resentful about the things that have happened? Or is it increasing your pain? The only thing we have the power to change is our own attitudes. We have choices in how we respond, emotionally.

One other thought, have you looked into some kind of therapy to help with your emotional outlook? I've heard some great things about what CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) can do to relieve some of the negativity in our minds.

Hope you can find some peace.

saxman

First of all I dont have the money for a therapist and in some ways yes it helps me when im pissed and resentful. It is the only defense I have to this crap in life. Yes I have been working the steps with my sponser and this stuff is really hard. Its fine to say and preach all these things, but when one thing after another keeps hitting you its hard to stay positive and in the program. I was told in the beginning that this program doesn't work for everybody and maybe im one of those people. I feel like the little bit of peace i have gotten has been a big pretense. I haven't lost my temper for a while and yesterday I blew higher than a kite.

DayTrader

Hey Sax.. sounds like my experience in AA (only went to a couple al-anon meetins when I was in my teens). I CAN tell you, from personal experience, that there IS relief in those steps whether you're an alcoholic or not. Surrender to them was my biggest hurdle... I still wanted to control life and it seemed like the more I wanted it, the more I tried, and the more I failed......and the worse I felt. That pain eventually brought me to my knees - the turning point - where I had to decide to REALLY do this stuff with everything I've got or go back to the life I had prior (which as an alcoholic, that wasn't much of a life). You may not have the same grim-reaper following you but I'll promise you, if you work/live those steps with all you've got life WILL get better. ..heck, it works for alkies like me so it's gotta work for someone with less baggage, right?