I'm going over to the other side...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
I'm going over to the other side...
Hi all.
As I've said many times, SR has been instrumental in improving my life in many areas.
1) It helped me detach from my son's drug problems. We are doing well now and he has a job and is supporting himself for the most part.
2) It helped me to come to terms with the fact that I was not fulfilled in my marriage -- that I was not being honest with my husband about my unhappiness. I was not living an authentic life. We separated on friendly terms, see each other for a nice dinner once a week, I am ecstatic to be in my new home 2 miles from work and my daughter is in the best public high school in the metroplex. She's doing very well.
3) I have now examined my own drinking habits and have to get honest with myself and all of you now. I have come to realize that I have a problem with alcohol and want to stop drinking. It's not that I get sloppy drunk every time I drink, but I drink more than I want to and more often than I want to. I enjoy a couple of glass of wine 3-5x a week, but sometimes (like at a party or if I'm upset) I'll drink a whole bottle. I absolutely HATE being the slightest bit hungover. I have come to realize that I can't control it like I thought I could and because of the education I've received here I now recognize that this is a danger sign. I haven't even been able to string together more than 5 days even though I've earnestly tried.
So, I'm gonna head on over to the Alcoholic/Recovery side of the board for awhile and focus on that. I did go to an AA meeting last week but am struggling with what to tell my daughter about where I am. She would be upset with me...she doesn't think my drinking is a problem and I think would be shamed at the label I've given myself: alcoholic. Her dad is an abusive alcoholic and her brother is a drug addict. She idolizes me. So I want to go to meetings, I just haven't figured out how I'm gonna make that work right now.
I hope you don't mind if I drop in here from time to time and lend some support (if I can) ... I'd miss you all so much if I didn't.
I apologize if this means I'm a hypocrite in some way. LOL... Not sure how that works.
Wish me luck and thank you all.
As I've said many times, SR has been instrumental in improving my life in many areas.
1) It helped me detach from my son's drug problems. We are doing well now and he has a job and is supporting himself for the most part.
2) It helped me to come to terms with the fact that I was not fulfilled in my marriage -- that I was not being honest with my husband about my unhappiness. I was not living an authentic life. We separated on friendly terms, see each other for a nice dinner once a week, I am ecstatic to be in my new home 2 miles from work and my daughter is in the best public high school in the metroplex. She's doing very well.
3) I have now examined my own drinking habits and have to get honest with myself and all of you now. I have come to realize that I have a problem with alcohol and want to stop drinking. It's not that I get sloppy drunk every time I drink, but I drink more than I want to and more often than I want to. I enjoy a couple of glass of wine 3-5x a week, but sometimes (like at a party or if I'm upset) I'll drink a whole bottle. I absolutely HATE being the slightest bit hungover. I have come to realize that I can't control it like I thought I could and because of the education I've received here I now recognize that this is a danger sign. I haven't even been able to string together more than 5 days even though I've earnestly tried.
So, I'm gonna head on over to the Alcoholic/Recovery side of the board for awhile and focus on that. I did go to an AA meeting last week but am struggling with what to tell my daughter about where I am. She would be upset with me...she doesn't think my drinking is a problem and I think would be shamed at the label I've given myself: alcoholic. Her dad is an abusive alcoholic and her brother is a drug addict. She idolizes me. So I want to go to meetings, I just haven't figured out how I'm gonna make that work right now.
I hope you don't mind if I drop in here from time to time and lend some support (if I can) ... I'd miss you all so much if I didn't.
I apologize if this means I'm a hypocrite in some way. LOL... Not sure how that works.
Wish me luck and thank you all.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,871
You are welcome to post on any part of the board you want. I post on both sides since I identify with each.
It's good that you have noticed your own drinking habits. There is nothing in the world wrong with heading it off at the pass before it becomes a real problem in your life. I don't think your daughter would think any less of you. How could anyone be upset when they know that we are taking good care of ourselves?
It's good that you have noticed your own drinking habits. There is nothing in the world wrong with heading it off at the pass before it becomes a real problem in your life. I don't think your daughter would think any less of you. How could anyone be upset when they know that we are taking good care of ourselves?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Oh, honey.
SR isn't about sides. Its about recovery. You are in the thick of it, examining your life and trying to make changes to make it better. Every person on SR is trying to do that.
Keep in touch and keep working. We will be thinking about you.
SR isn't about sides. Its about recovery. You are in the thick of it, examining your life and trying to make changes to make it better. Every person on SR is trying to do that.
Keep in touch and keep working. We will be thinking about you.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
We call people like you Double Winners, here, and you are not alone.
Good for you for spotting this and deciding to do something about it.
Good luck with working on that part of your recovery and I know you will find lots of support here.
Hugs
Good for you for spotting this and deciding to do something about it.
Good luck with working on that part of your recovery and I know you will find lots of support here.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 52
Well, to me it seems like you've done a self-inventory and decided there's an area you need to work on - your drinking. It's enough that you have come to realize that it controls you more than you'd like. I think your action in attending AA would be a wonderful example to your daughter of what it means to take responsibility for yourself. It's not so much about the label as it is being honest with yourself and recognizing danger signs. I congratulate you for wanting to get on top of this. Good luck to you and your daughter.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
tjp
Purple Squirrel said it perfectly....it's not about sides, it's about recovery. I hope that you'll find support and serenity. And please stick around on the f&f side too because you have a lot of experience to share with all of us! You are loved.
gentle hugs
Purple Squirrel said it perfectly....it's not about sides, it's about recovery. I hope that you'll find support and serenity. And please stick around on the f&f side too because you have a lot of experience to share with all of us! You are loved.
gentle hugs
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((tjp)))))
Please keep posting here also. You are not alone, there are many of us that have admitted that we are also alcoholic and/or addicts and as Ann said, we are DOUBLE WINNERS.
AA is the same 12 steps as Al-Anon. AA may give you a bit of a different perspective on the steps. I first learned the steps, worked the steps and then learned to live the steps in AA and at 3 years sober came over to this side also. In Al-Anon I found a 'different' perspective of the steps that just helped me to understand them better.
As to your daughter ......................... well at this point, no need to use the word 'alcoholic' with her. Explain that you feel through all the turmoil that both of you have gone through that you have found yourself using more alcohol than you would like, so are going to check out AA and see how you can correct what you 'feel' 'may be' a potential problem. Definitely the truth, in a way that hopefully will not 'upset' her.
I don't know how old your daughter is, but if she is close to being a teenager or is one, she may want to check out Alateen for herself, as she does have an alcoholic father and an addict brother. There she will meet others who have been through what she has been through and it will help her greatly with her feelings, emotions and sorting through everything that has gone on.
As to you .................................... well ................................ WELCOME TO AA, but please do not ever feel that you cannot post here, read here, contribute here ALSO in the family and friends forum.
Love and hugs,
Please keep posting here also. You are not alone, there are many of us that have admitted that we are also alcoholic and/or addicts and as Ann said, we are DOUBLE WINNERS.
AA is the same 12 steps as Al-Anon. AA may give you a bit of a different perspective on the steps. I first learned the steps, worked the steps and then learned to live the steps in AA and at 3 years sober came over to this side also. In Al-Anon I found a 'different' perspective of the steps that just helped me to understand them better.
As to your daughter ......................... well at this point, no need to use the word 'alcoholic' with her. Explain that you feel through all the turmoil that both of you have gone through that you have found yourself using more alcohol than you would like, so are going to check out AA and see how you can correct what you 'feel' 'may be' a potential problem. Definitely the truth, in a way that hopefully will not 'upset' her.
I don't know how old your daughter is, but if she is close to being a teenager or is one, she may want to check out Alateen for herself, as she does have an alcoholic father and an addict brother. There she will meet others who have been through what she has been through and it will help her greatly with her feelings, emotions and sorting through everything that has gone on.
As to you .................................... well ................................ WELCOME TO AA, but please do not ever feel that you cannot post here, read here, contribute here ALSO in the family and friends forum.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
tip,
the best to you- you are an awesome person. your daughter is so blessed to have you for a mom and a role model. she will learn much from your strength and wisdom, and courage.
Glad you are taking care of yourself and you are much appreciated here.
big hugs,
chicory
the best to you- you are an awesome person. your daughter is so blessed to have you for a mom and a role model. she will learn much from your strength and wisdom, and courage.
Glad you are taking care of yourself and you are much appreciated here.
big hugs,
chicory
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I can say that during my fiasco with exabf, I turned to eating. Gained weight, I am now working myself down the food chain.
I agree with Laurie, I wouldn't label yourself. Could be just a blip on the radar screen.
Personally, I think you'll be just fine!
I agree with Laurie, I wouldn't label yourself. Could be just a blip on the radar screen.
Personally, I think you'll be just fine!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Well, if I could see the screen through all the tears I could type more...and I will...but for now I just want to thank you all so very much for the love and encouragement.
My daughter is 16-1/2 and she has been to alateen in the past. I will ask her if she'd like to go again. She is in therapy because she, too, is bipolar like her brother. You've given me some good ideas on how I can approach this with her and what a relief that is. I do so much want to go to meetings and I want to be honest with her. I guess a part of me doesn't want to take the risk that she'll go blabbing to all her friends! <sigh>
I love you all. Thank you.
My daughter is 16-1/2 and she has been to alateen in the past. I will ask her if she'd like to go again. She is in therapy because she, too, is bipolar like her brother. You've given me some good ideas on how I can approach this with her and what a relief that is. I do so much want to go to meetings and I want to be honest with her. I guess a part of me doesn't want to take the risk that she'll go blabbing to all her friends! <sigh>
I love you all. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
tjp, I think you're amazing and courageous. At my daughter's rehab, they offered free assessments during family week and I was the only one who did it. My daughter was so happy that it stunned me. I've abused alcohol several times and it was those times that she remembered, not the 1-2 beers or glasses of wine, or that I almost never drink at home, not even holidays. It was the abuse and it was a wake up call for me. She remembered about 6 events over a 15 year span and they left an impression on her. I'm much more responsible about alcohol now, because rehab and her experience left an impression on me.
Your courage and accountability is a blessing and may God continue to bless you.
Your courage and accountability is a blessing and may God continue to bless you.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
I hardly know what to say..amazing stuff here. I DO think getting into all this addiction stuff makes you much more aware of your own habits.. I know I have had to look at mine too. But, much like the others I don't want to lose your awesome perspective on the F/F boards...when you are ready plz come back!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Thanks, Ladies. You're all so wonderful!
The thing that woke me up, so to speak, is the tricks my mind played on me when I decided I wanted to quit. Man oh man, that's when the voices in my head started blabbering overtime and I justified drinking 3x in one week AFTER I went to my AA meeting! Then last Friday my daughter was out for the evening and I sat on the telephone chatting with my cousin (for 3 hours!) and drank almost a whole bottle of wine in the process. Said things I wish I hadn't (not mean, just divulging things I regret divulging) and RUINED my whole Saturday with a *%&#$!* hangover! I was so pissed at myself. I gave away the rest of my wine stash and I really want to do this thing.
Again, thanks for all your support. Ya'll are just the greatest.
The thing that woke me up, so to speak, is the tricks my mind played on me when I decided I wanted to quit. Man oh man, that's when the voices in my head started blabbering overtime and I justified drinking 3x in one week AFTER I went to my AA meeting! Then last Friday my daughter was out for the evening and I sat on the telephone chatting with my cousin (for 3 hours!) and drank almost a whole bottle of wine in the process. Said things I wish I hadn't (not mean, just divulging things I regret divulging) and RUINED my whole Saturday with a *%&#$!* hangover! I was so pissed at myself. I gave away the rest of my wine stash and I really want to do this thing.
Again, thanks for all your support. Ya'll are just the greatest.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Tjp))) - I came to SR, because I was an addict in recovery. I was drawn to THIS forum because I finally began to accept I was a codie and wanted to do something about it. You're just doing "me" in reverse
I need the ES&H on several forums, and I've always gotten it.
Good for you, for taking steps now, before it becomes an even bigger problem!!
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
I need the ES&H on several forums, and I've always gotten it.
Good for you, for taking steps now, before it becomes an even bigger problem!!
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,064
I was cleaning like a mad woman all summer. On one hand it felt good to be productive after the fallow addiction years of letting things go but it's starting to feel like maybe I'm using it to keep from going crazy over anxiety. Addictions start out slow and gradual and carry a right hook. Addictions also always wear a mask, costume and are constantly going to masquerade balls because addictions don't like to come out into the light.
You've already managed that first step to know you're powerless over your addiction. And you're aware of your addiction because it's impossible to fix something that one doesn't see as a problem so you're really doing great to pull out of the pit before you get the ride to the bottom. I say you are doing great and it's takes a lot of courage to admit you've got a problem. Just wow. We are all here for you on any board you want to post on. I post mainly in the Substance abuse forum on the hen house because i feel comfortable there but I do stray out of the hen house some. You are always welcome to visit or be a hen. I consider everything a substance.
You've already managed that first step to know you're powerless over your addiction. And you're aware of your addiction because it's impossible to fix something that one doesn't see as a problem so you're really doing great to pull out of the pit before you get the ride to the bottom. I say you are doing great and it's takes a lot of courage to admit you've got a problem. Just wow. We are all here for you on any board you want to post on. I post mainly in the Substance abuse forum on the hen house because i feel comfortable there but I do stray out of the hen house some. You are always welcome to visit or be a hen. I consider everything a substance.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Please seek all the support you need wherever you choose to find it to live the life you were meant to without an addiction gripping you. Find your recovery, but please don't stay gone from here.
There are others here with addictions that they too are recovering from, but there is only one YOU and only one perspective that is uniquely YOURS. We grow from it here and will now get to see another side to recovery in you and learn from it also.
Alice
There are others here with addictions that they too are recovering from, but there is only one YOU and only one perspective that is uniquely YOURS. We grow from it here and will now get to see another side to recovery in you and learn from it also.
Alice
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Yay TJP!
You recognized a problem and now want to do something about it!
And now, you can enter the Double Winner Club!
(sorry no prizes, the lessons learned will be reward enough)
I love to read the newcomers threads, cause they keep me in the moment.
Not resting on time, cause it is one day at a time.
Beth
You recognized a problem and now want to do something about it!
And now, you can enter the Double Winner Club!
(sorry no prizes, the lessons learned will be reward enough
)I love to read the newcomers threads, cause they keep me in the moment.
Not resting on time, cause it is one day at a time.
Beth
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