Day 1 and depressed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 38
Day 1 and depressed
Hello all,
wanted to introduce myself. I had yet another binge drinking weekend. Every Monday I feel that I'm done drinking and by Friday I'm at the bar or out to a restaurant ordering a beer. Ive been in and out of AA for couple of years. I'm going back tomorrow and trying to get a temp sponsor.
I feel so low today. I hate who I become when I'm drunk, I hate the blackouts, money spent on booze just sick of it all. Ive been drinking for 28 years and have been an alcoholic from the beginning. I can't believe how quickly I forget once the weekend comes around how bad it gets for me after the first drink.
Anyway, Day 1 - and by the grace of God - this will be my last day one!
wanted to introduce myself. I had yet another binge drinking weekend. Every Monday I feel that I'm done drinking and by Friday I'm at the bar or out to a restaurant ordering a beer. Ive been in and out of AA for couple of years. I'm going back tomorrow and trying to get a temp sponsor.
I feel so low today. I hate who I become when I'm drunk, I hate the blackouts, money spent on booze just sick of it all. Ive been drinking for 28 years and have been an alcoholic from the beginning. I can't believe how quickly I forget once the weekend comes around how bad it gets for me after the first drink.
Anyway, Day 1 - and by the grace of God - this will be my last day one!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Belle, Welcome and glad you are sharing. You have our support and much info and experience here at SR.
I too hated who I was when I drank and yet....the minute I felt a bit better....I was right back drinking after swearing off booze forever. Vicious cycle that many of us have lived.
When I was done I was done and I reached for help and SR was the first place I came.
Keep us updated on your meeting and know that you never have to go through this again.
I too hated who I was when I drank and yet....the minute I felt a bit better....I was right back drinking after swearing off booze forever. Vicious cycle that many of us have lived.
When I was done I was done and I reached for help and SR was the first place I came.
Keep us updated on your meeting and know that you never have to go through this again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bali, Indonesia
Posts: 645
Hey Belle
I think a lot of us here made those promises on mondays, or any day....hopefully the support here will make this time different for you - theres tons of experience here thats for sure. Are there other recovery programs besides AA in your area>? Perhaps trying a different approach might be worth considering....if its possible.
Good luck
I think a lot of us here made those promises on mondays, or any day....hopefully the support here will make this time different for you - theres tons of experience here thats for sure. Are there other recovery programs besides AA in your area>? Perhaps trying a different approach might be worth considering....if its possible.
Good luck
Tessa Tangent
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Romford, Essex, UK
Posts: 11
Hi Belle
Thanks for your post and you are not alone. In fact, if you look at the start of your thread, you have received a truly international response :o) I wish we could all fly over and give you a hug but here's this one instead....
You've been in the fellowship before and yes maybe you could use some additional support. Check out if there's anything in your area; I did and there was!
Also, you have some tools to hand. You should have some numbers of AA friends you can call (and they will only be too delighted to take your call - if they aren't free, then don't isolate, try someone else), get to a meeting tonight and as often as you need to start with, and if you have the beautiful Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, read the Doctor's Opinion, and well anything really but just make a start. If you can't handle that, then the stories at the back are useful even if you've read them before. Sometimes, even though I'd read the book a lot in the past, there have been pieces of that book that suddenly MEAN something to me (I'll swear I hadn't seen them before ha ha) and it has helped.
Living Sober has loads of practical ideas and this time I read it from cover to cover (just doing THAT kept me out of mischief)... what about allowing yourself some sort of treat, a pampering time in the bath, or one chocolate bar every day at your chosen time, and so on....??
That's just a few ideas. Good luck with finding your temporary sponsor; imho, God doesn't always give us who/what we want, but he does give us who/what we need ;o) Looking forward to seeing your progress... I am 30 days today, but I related to you because I had relapsed in the past. I feel happily and firmly on the road to happy destiny this time and that can happen for you, too...
Thanks for your post and you are not alone. In fact, if you look at the start of your thread, you have received a truly international response :o) I wish we could all fly over and give you a hug but here's this one instead....
You've been in the fellowship before and yes maybe you could use some additional support. Check out if there's anything in your area; I did and there was!
Also, you have some tools to hand. You should have some numbers of AA friends you can call (and they will only be too delighted to take your call - if they aren't free, then don't isolate, try someone else), get to a meeting tonight and as often as you need to start with, and if you have the beautiful Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, read the Doctor's Opinion, and well anything really but just make a start. If you can't handle that, then the stories at the back are useful even if you've read them before. Sometimes, even though I'd read the book a lot in the past, there have been pieces of that book that suddenly MEAN something to me (I'll swear I hadn't seen them before ha ha) and it has helped.
Living Sober has loads of practical ideas and this time I read it from cover to cover (just doing THAT kept me out of mischief)... what about allowing yourself some sort of treat, a pampering time in the bath, or one chocolate bar every day at your chosen time, and so on....??
That's just a few ideas. Good luck with finding your temporary sponsor; imho, God doesn't always give us who/what we want, but he does give us who/what we need ;o) Looking forward to seeing your progress... I am 30 days today, but I related to you because I had relapsed in the past. I feel happily and firmly on the road to happy destiny this time and that can happen for you, too...
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 85
JMO.
Some people seem to quit quite easily. Others (like me) it takes lots of starting over.
I think you should find the positive in that you are still trying.
There is always hope unless we give up trying.
Some people seem to quit quite easily. Others (like me) it takes lots of starting over.
I think you should find the positive in that you are still trying.
There is always hope unless we give up trying.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: san fernando valley, CA
Posts: 183
Belle, I completely relate to you, unfortunately I am hungover at work AGAIN. I hate myself for this. I don't understand why I keep doing this over and over again. I hate this guilty shameful feeling that I wake up with after a day of drinking.
This is a horrible ugly cycle and I am like you, we need to do something to end this now.
I don't want to feel like this anymore.
This is a horrible ugly cycle and I am like you, we need to do something to end this now.
I don't want to feel like this anymore.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Belle,
You’ve wanted to quit your cycle of weekend binge drinking for a while now. I hope, for your sake, that today’s decision to quit leads to recovery. I drank for over thirty years—daily—and over the last few years I can’t count the number of times the thought of quitting crossed my mind. Sometimes those thoughts turned to promises; but those promises faded in the amber glow of the next beer. In my personal experience, thinking about quitting never led to quitting; promising to quit never led to quitting. Only the act of NOT PICKING UP THAT NEXT DRINK has done it for me. Good luck!
-------------------------
Day 23
You’ve wanted to quit your cycle of weekend binge drinking for a while now. I hope, for your sake, that today’s decision to quit leads to recovery. I drank for over thirty years—daily—and over the last few years I can’t count the number of times the thought of quitting crossed my mind. Sometimes those thoughts turned to promises; but those promises faded in the amber glow of the next beer. In my personal experience, thinking about quitting never led to quitting; promising to quit never led to quitting. Only the act of NOT PICKING UP THAT NEXT DRINK has done it for me. Good luck!
-------------------------
Day 23
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Belle.....and Scared...... I can tooooooooootally identify. The drinking hurt, but NOTHING hurt like my feelings...my soul...trying to live with the guilt and shame that "I did it AGAIN!!!"
I did get past those feelings though......but it did not come as the result of continually trying to not drink and finally getting it right one day. I had to go well beyond "not drinking" to get my problems solved. I didn't want to.....but I found myself in AA and - just like everyone there promised me - I started really healing once I started working the steps.
I reeeeally really wish you the best. Maybe you're like me and you'll need some of the "extra credit" work done in AA, maybe you won't need it. I'll keep you in my prayers that you're open and willing to try what you need to try to get past this stuff. I can tell you, from my own experience, that it's very possible. Not to mention, the life you get afterward is pretty frickin awesome!!
I did get past those feelings though......but it did not come as the result of continually trying to not drink and finally getting it right one day. I had to go well beyond "not drinking" to get my problems solved. I didn't want to.....but I found myself in AA and - just like everyone there promised me - I started really healing once I started working the steps.
I reeeeally really wish you the best. Maybe you're like me and you'll need some of the "extra credit" work done in AA, maybe you won't need it. I'll keep you in my prayers that you're open and willing to try what you need to try to get past this stuff. I can tell you, from my own experience, that it's very possible. Not to mention, the life you get afterward is pretty frickin awesome!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Belle, I called in "sick" so many Monday's when I was drinking it's amazing I never lost my job; that's been 1 of the biggest rewards for me in sobriety NO HANGOVERS! You can win this battle.
God bless you.
God bless you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by belle08 
Ive been in and out of AA for couple of years. I'm going back tomorrow and trying to get a temp sponsor.
Find a sponsor who can guide you through those directions.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: atlanta, georgia
Posts: 27
If you quit drinking you will...
lose weight
save money
make friends
lose bad friends
feel better
perform better at work
find peace
laugh at things that are funny
cry at things that are sad (not vice versa like when drunk)
and these are just a few things. I thank my stars every Monday morning, because like you I had a lot of regret on those days. Days when I should have been firing into my work week, I was tired, grumpy, shameful and depressed and wanting to go home. When I wake up feeling refreshed and great and ready for work, I almost fall to my knees in gratitude knowing that I did it. Now, Im not saying Im perfect, Im not and I have fallen and gotten back up plenty, but you are where you need to be and you can stop today and never drink again and no one is going to really care if you dont, but I would guess a lot of people will be really happy that you dont drink anymore - most importantly - you.
So get ready for some happy mondays....
save money
make friends
lose bad friends
feel better
perform better at work
find peace
laugh at things that are funny
cry at things that are sad (not vice versa like when drunk)
and these are just a few things. I thank my stars every Monday morning, because like you I had a lot of regret on those days. Days when I should have been firing into my work week, I was tired, grumpy, shameful and depressed and wanting to go home. When I wake up feeling refreshed and great and ready for work, I almost fall to my knees in gratitude knowing that I did it. Now, Im not saying Im perfect, Im not and I have fallen and gotten back up plenty, but you are where you need to be and you can stop today and never drink again and no one is going to really care if you dont, but I would guess a lot of people will be really happy that you dont drink anymore - most importantly - you.
So get ready for some happy mondays....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 38
Thanks everyone for your kind words of encourgement. I'm going to call a woman in AA who was the first person I called when I came into the rooms two years ago. Going to see if she will be my temp sponsor. I know I have to put action into quitting - stay with the program and find other things to do besides bars and parties on the weekends. I can't live like this anymore. Even if nothing "bad" happens on a binge, the depression and disgust for myself is very much there.
EntertheSticks
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 139
Mondays used to be the worst day of the week for me. I would think about all the stupid things I did during the weekend, all the money i spent, all the relationships I tarnished, all the mean things i said or did, etc. It almost gets to a point where that 3 day weekend consumes your entire week, but by Friday the guilt has worn off and you are back to square one. A person that was very important to me once told me "the only reason you haven't quit is because you still have yet to hit rock bottom" my reply "what are you talking about, I hit rock bottom each and every weekend and I dont really care"......... Well one day I started caring, and it is great to see that you have decided to end this cycle.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: California
Posts: 39
I'm in the same boat! Wow have a screwed up my life boozing heavy.
But I'm sober 3 days and going on 4. You can too just keep your chin up, believe in yourself, remember how you feel NOW, and get with the program. I'm doing the same....we can do it.
This website has been helpful.
But I'm sober 3 days and going on 4. You can too just keep your chin up, believe in yourself, remember how you feel NOW, and get with the program. I'm doing the same....we can do it.
This website has been helpful.
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