Safe Haven...
Tessa Tangent
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Romford, Essex, UK
Posts: 11
Safe Haven...
Hi, I'm Heather, and I'm an alcoholic.
I suppose the majority of our shares begin that way and so that's how I'll start. I found the meetings of AA in 1997, slipped and slid for 7 years, either in f2f mtgs or online mtgs. Had 4 longish periods of sobriety (for me) of over a year, once 2 years but I was white-knuckling it most of the time and when I wasn't I would be fixing on something else, even if it was only my children or my job.
I came back into AA after a 5 year break to try controlled drinking (lmao). I returned on 19 June, drank on 4 occasions and the last one was 28 August. I am 29 days sober today.
The story 'Safe Haven' (4th edition Big Book, p452) I can identify with. I didn't get to go to jail but I know I only now have the choice of sobriety OR prison, mental hospital, alcoholic death.
In the story, the man tells of how he went about AA doing all the wrong things first time round. In his first year, he "made some major decisions, not using my sponsor, avoiding the steps, talking more than listening in meetings..." etc etc and it certainly sounds as though he was like me, he had no spiritual connection.
I sat in meetings years ago, saying how I had a Higher Power - when in reality I would say a quick serenity prayer whenever the crap hit the fan. That was all the prayer I did, apart from the SP in meetings.
Things are different now, I have had a spiritual experience, I was taken through the steps by my Sponsor and shown how to work them, after that last drink (which confused the hell out of me - I had got 3/4 through my amends! Ha ha but I expect I shall find more in time), I read the chapter "To Wives" for the first time in my life - because I never thought that applied to ME before - where it said "Though it is infinitely better that he may have no relapse at all .... it is by no means a bad thing in some cases. Your husband (i.e. the alkie) will see at once that he must REDOUBLE HIS SPIRITUAL ACTIVITIES (my caps) IF HE EXPECTS TO SURVIVE." Of course!! The lights went on!
I was doing a bit of prayer and texting the odd step 10 to my sponsor by mobile phone. But what I did, as well as asking God for a sober day in the mornings, I added the S3 prayer, S7 prayer, Lord's prayer, Serenity Prayer and prayers for others before I meditated for a few minutes about the day ahead and sought direction over that. At night, I now write in a page a day diary my evening review, and pray for corrective measures from God, as well as other prayers. I timed it and the writing part takes no longer than 5 minutes.
Through the day I am doing step 10 on my thoughts and behaviour. I also believed when I read To Wives, that redoubling spiritual activities meant having more contact with people in AA, or not in AA, making efforts to be helpful or useful. Whether f2f or on the phone/Facebook, whatever... we have so much at our disposal now to help keep us from getting isolated and cut off... I believe that when we cut off from contact with people, we are also damaging our spiritual connection.
So! Things have changed amazingly and I have never felt so relaxed and happy without a drink inside me. I know God is with me now - he never left me but it was me who cut off contact and was never before as honest, willing and humble to know him and accept his guidance as I am now. I always thought I was forever going to be a 'naughty girl' not one of the God Squad, ha ha. But I am privileged now to be able to share that I am one of those hopeless cases who found God. And I found God through AA.
I don't want to lose this and I hope to carry a good message as and when I can. Growth is happening and already in this 29 days, things have happened which have meant changing old patterns of behaviour (which only ended up in pain and then drinking and madness) and as a result raising my previously low opinion of myself to something approaching normal.
Thank you to all of you in recovery, and particularly those in AA, for being there for me when I returned like the prodigal son and helping me to finally "Get It" at last!! I don't want to lose it and am looking forward to my trudge along the road of happy destiny.
I've finally registered with this site as it is another part of the Safe Haven that is created by Twelve Step recovery programs and fellowships... and I already feel comfortable and safe here.
Right, I'm off to read a few threads and get to see who everyone is ;o)
I suppose the majority of our shares begin that way and so that's how I'll start. I found the meetings of AA in 1997, slipped and slid for 7 years, either in f2f mtgs or online mtgs. Had 4 longish periods of sobriety (for me) of over a year, once 2 years but I was white-knuckling it most of the time and when I wasn't I would be fixing on something else, even if it was only my children or my job.
I came back into AA after a 5 year break to try controlled drinking (lmao). I returned on 19 June, drank on 4 occasions and the last one was 28 August. I am 29 days sober today.
The story 'Safe Haven' (4th edition Big Book, p452) I can identify with. I didn't get to go to jail but I know I only now have the choice of sobriety OR prison, mental hospital, alcoholic death.
In the story, the man tells of how he went about AA doing all the wrong things first time round. In his first year, he "made some major decisions, not using my sponsor, avoiding the steps, talking more than listening in meetings..." etc etc and it certainly sounds as though he was like me, he had no spiritual connection.
I sat in meetings years ago, saying how I had a Higher Power - when in reality I would say a quick serenity prayer whenever the crap hit the fan. That was all the prayer I did, apart from the SP in meetings.
Things are different now, I have had a spiritual experience, I was taken through the steps by my Sponsor and shown how to work them, after that last drink (which confused the hell out of me - I had got 3/4 through my amends! Ha ha but I expect I shall find more in time), I read the chapter "To Wives" for the first time in my life - because I never thought that applied to ME before - where it said "Though it is infinitely better that he may have no relapse at all .... it is by no means a bad thing in some cases. Your husband (i.e. the alkie) will see at once that he must REDOUBLE HIS SPIRITUAL ACTIVITIES (my caps) IF HE EXPECTS TO SURVIVE." Of course!! The lights went on!
I was doing a bit of prayer and texting the odd step 10 to my sponsor by mobile phone. But what I did, as well as asking God for a sober day in the mornings, I added the S3 prayer, S7 prayer, Lord's prayer, Serenity Prayer and prayers for others before I meditated for a few minutes about the day ahead and sought direction over that. At night, I now write in a page a day diary my evening review, and pray for corrective measures from God, as well as other prayers. I timed it and the writing part takes no longer than 5 minutes.
Through the day I am doing step 10 on my thoughts and behaviour. I also believed when I read To Wives, that redoubling spiritual activities meant having more contact with people in AA, or not in AA, making efforts to be helpful or useful. Whether f2f or on the phone/Facebook, whatever... we have so much at our disposal now to help keep us from getting isolated and cut off... I believe that when we cut off from contact with people, we are also damaging our spiritual connection.
So! Things have changed amazingly and I have never felt so relaxed and happy without a drink inside me. I know God is with me now - he never left me but it was me who cut off contact and was never before as honest, willing and humble to know him and accept his guidance as I am now. I always thought I was forever going to be a 'naughty girl' not one of the God Squad, ha ha. But I am privileged now to be able to share that I am one of those hopeless cases who found God. And I found God through AA.
I don't want to lose this and I hope to carry a good message as and when I can. Growth is happening and already in this 29 days, things have happened which have meant changing old patterns of behaviour (which only ended up in pain and then drinking and madness) and as a result raising my previously low opinion of myself to something approaching normal.
Thank you to all of you in recovery, and particularly those in AA, for being there for me when I returned like the prodigal son and helping me to finally "Get It" at last!! I don't want to lose it and am looking forward to my trudge along the road of happy destiny.
I've finally registered with this site as it is another part of the Safe Haven that is created by Twelve Step recovery programs and fellowships... and I already feel comfortable and safe here.
Right, I'm off to read a few threads and get to see who everyone is ;o)
Tessa Tangent
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Romford, Essex, UK
Posts: 11
Thank You
Thanks for the welcome and your comments.
Honestly, so many pennies are dropping with me atm, all the time, that I am in fear of beginning to rattle like a coin-bank.
Realised it was definitely about living a life sober and at peace but also being and feeling a useful member of the human race :o)
Honestly, so many pennies are dropping with me atm, all the time, that I am in fear of beginning to rattle like a coin-bank.
Realised it was definitely about living a life sober and at peace but also being and feeling a useful member of the human race :o)
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hey, Tessa,
Thanks for the great post. I recently celebrated two years, but after finding that my life was still a mess, I'm working the Steps with my sponsor. I didn't drink, but it could well have come to that if I didn't start following instructions.
Glad to have you here--I'm sure you will have a lot of ES&H to contribute!
Thanks for the great post. I recently celebrated two years, but after finding that my life was still a mess, I'm working the Steps with my sponsor. I didn't drink, but it could well have come to that if I didn't start following instructions.
Glad to have you here--I'm sure you will have a lot of ES&H to contribute!
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