Juneof44

Well, I slipped. Not bender-slipped, but I slipped just the same. This sobriety thing is really harder than I thought. And once again, I've only been dry for about 10 hours now. I'm in such a quandry right now because I need this job to put food on the table, but working in a wine shop is just soooooo freaking hard.

So now I'm back to square one. There's a timer running down and I feel like I have only so much time before the bell dings and my chances are up. I feel like I need somebody to lock me in a room and not let me out for weeks, but then, that's cheating. I know I need to do it myself, but i am beginning to think I'm a slave without control of my own mind. I emptied my house of booze, I didn't even drive to the store. I had 2 glasses of wine at work before I even knew it. It was like my mind was on autopilot. A coworker offered it and I took it. No thought, just reaction.

So I guess now I don't even deserve to be on this forum. But man, I'm really beginning to think I can't do this alone. Is that weak? I mean, all of you are doing it, but for some reason I can't seem to control it.

Maybe I need a new approach. Maybe I'm not doing this correctly.

mama36

June,

Not everyone here is "doing it on their own". Many of us are going to AA and or other programs to help us to get through and learn to live without alcohol. There are couselors that you can speak to, or doctors for that matter about a rehab program. You say you need this job to put food on the table but if you don't sort yourself out and get sober, how are you going to keep the job? You don't have to hit ROCK BOTTOM in order to get help, in fact it would probably be a better decision to stop trying to do this on your own now, before it gets much farther out of hand. This is hard and this is a big decision and life change, but what are your alternatives?

IMO you should see your doctor, be completely honest and try to get some help with this. I believe that there are threads on this forum with suggestions or ideas of recovery/rehab programs. You are the only person who can take the steps to get help.

Don't beat yourself up for slipping or how it happened, just get out there and get some help. Keep posting here and reach out and build yourself a good, strong support group.

I tried to do it on my own for years, and if you are like me, you can't just decide to do it on your own if help is really what you need.

D.

least

All of us seeking recovery 'deserve' to be here. If no one ever failed, none of us would be here. Maybe it's time to look at some methods of recovery, AA or SMART or counseling or outpatient treatment. And whatever means you use to stay sober, put your whole heart and soul into it. You CAN do this. I relapsed many times but finally 'got it'. You can too.

Juneof44

I think I am going to seek treatment. I think that may be the only way for me. How do I know if I need outpatient or inpatient? (I'm sorry if that is a medical advice question....)

mama36

See your doctor or an AADAC couselor and they can tell you. Likely just your family doc can help you with all that you need to know at this point.

D.

Dee74

Hi June

yeah I've never done rehab and I'm not sure of the procedure anywhere else in the world anyway.

Talk to your doctor

I think whatever you do, you have to come to terms with where you work.

That means either a lot of work - getting more support to combat the proximity of alcohol so that you have lots of numbers to call, lots of strategies and things to fall back on, whatever it takes for you to get it into your head you can't drink anymore...

or you have to throw your hands in the air, and find another job.

I can walk into a bottle shop now, buy a coke or something, and not be bothered, either then or later.

But it took me a lot of work - 3 years and counting - to get to where I am now.

D

oak

I can so relate to what you wrote. I keep thinking that I am doing it wrong because I get so many urges/cravings. But we all have our own way through.

While I think we are all in charge of our own sobriety, I also think it's important to get all the support you need. I'm glad you are planning to seek treatment.

You deserve to be on this forum!!!!!

LexieCat

I agree with Dee--you may very well have to consider whether this job is going to mess up any chances for recovery.

I think with good sobriety, you might be able to do what you do without a problem, but it isn't a good setting for early sobriety.

If you can get inpatient treatment, that might relieve you of some of the immediate pressures to make an instant decision. You would be able to discuss your work situation with counselors without having to go in to work every day. The "time and distance" factors might make it easier to make a reasonable judgment call in a sober frame of mind.

Just some thoughts...

artsoul

I tried and failed several times to stay sober and I'm willing to bet most of us have. So take heart - you're not a lost cause and you're not alone. It just shows how "cunning, baffling and powerful" this disease is.

I hope that you seek treatment if that's what you feel you need. There's no shame in asking for help. When I went to inpatient treatment, to my surprise, the world didn't come to an end! It was the best thing I could have done for myself.

In any case, we're here and we're behind you!:ghug3

NeverMind1984

I work at a restaurant and serve alcohol everyday. For some reason it doesn't bother me at all. I look at the drinks and all I see is work product. It's the same "this is not an option" approach that I imagine mint workers have. Picture seeing millions and millions of dollars in cash right in front of you all day long...I'm sure many were tempted but they just know that "this is not an option".

I do feel like a glass of wine when I'm eating out though. And the fact that I can't makes me go

CarolD

June.....

have you checked out your local AA?
That's where I went when I decided to be sober.

We want you to stay connected here with us