Hate myself today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Hate myself today
Today I hate myself. I feel awful.
I'm tired, I'm lonely but I want to avoid people.
Why do others often take delight in being the first to tell you something that might sting a little, or hurt? I'm not like that - why do others have to be?
Am I too over sensitive?
I hate the constant barrage of thoughts in my end, like an endless stream of chatter that goes on and on reminding me of all past mistakes, all the ridiculous things that have happened.
I'm sick of the constant pressure - I have to make the most of it. Its so demanding all the time. Maybe my I am my own worst enemy.
Do all people with this disease think like this?
I'm sorry
I'm tired, I'm lonely but I want to avoid people.
Why do others often take delight in being the first to tell you something that might sting a little, or hurt? I'm not like that - why do others have to be?
Am I too over sensitive?
I hate the constant barrage of thoughts in my end, like an endless stream of chatter that goes on and on reminding me of all past mistakes, all the ridiculous things that have happened.
I'm sick of the constant pressure - I have to make the most of it. Its so demanding all the time. Maybe my I am my own worst enemy.
Do all people with this disease think like this?
I'm sorry
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
I think a lot of us are very sensitive -and we can be obsessive with our thoughts, whether it's booze or past events or regrets.
The important thing I think is to keep first things first - never let things build up so you feel like drinking.
Even if you don't feel like it, I think it's vital to reach out. Isolation is one of our biggest enemies. It's good to get some feedback and sense of perspective when someone hurts us by a careless word or whatever it is that upsets us.
And try and stay in today - the best way to avoid the mistakes of the past is not to make them again.
The past is closed to us - but we can do am awful lot with today if we want to, Sasha.
I hope you feel better for posting.
D
The important thing I think is to keep first things first - never let things build up so you feel like drinking.
Even if you don't feel like it, I think it's vital to reach out. Isolation is one of our biggest enemies. It's good to get some feedback and sense of perspective when someone hurts us by a careless word or whatever it is that upsets us.
And try and stay in today - the best way to avoid the mistakes of the past is not to make them again.
The past is closed to us - but we can do am awful lot with today if we want to, Sasha.
I hope you feel better for posting.
D
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
No need to apologize. We all get down sometimes. When I start to feel the negative thoughts creeping in, I try to think about all the good things in my life and where I would be now if I hadn't quit poisoning my body with alcohol. Sometimes just a brisk walk will help clear the mind and get me refocused on other things.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Sorry to hear you're having a bad day. How long have you been sober? I know for me I don't sleep well when I drink and chronic exhaustion makes me a basket case. I'm anxious, depressed, hyper. Just not myself.
I think I'm a month sober now and I feel soooooo much calmer and stronger and able to see people more clearly.
If people need to get out of your life, they will. Just keep moving forward.
I think I'm a month sober now and I feel soooooo much calmer and stronger and able to see people more clearly.
If people need to get out of your life, they will. Just keep moving forward.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
Hi Sasha.
I think for many of us, there is some truth to the statement that we are "egomaniacs with inferiority complexes." To compensate for a self that I had come to believe was hateful, incompetent, unlovable, defective, etc....one of my strategies was to be grandiose, pretending (to myself) that I was "better than." Another coping strategy was to sink into the morass of self pity and withdraw from others in the belief that I was so awful that they'd want nothing to do with me. Both of these strategies are my fear-laden ego being in control....it doesn't care if I'm better or worse, so long as I am different.
Recovery for me has been about the unity I have found in learning to love myself and others. Ego is all about separation....it is entirely about fear. No love in the ego. And the ego is, IMO, what most people are really talking about when they speak of "my disease." It's where all of my shame, guilt, fear, doubt and insecurity live, and it is certainly not restricted to addicts and alcoholics. In fact, probably the most common coping strategy of all, to overcome the sense of worthlessness....or to confirm false pride....is being dependent for self esteem on the accumulation of money, property and prestige...in other words, what our culture would call "success." My being may be defective, but I can compensate by performing well, so I become a human doing rather than a human being. Recover has been all about recovering my "beingness," in unity with others, rather than in competition with them. I prefer to define my own "success" in terms of how well I practice certain principles (as pretty thoroughly described in AA) in ALL my affairs. Another way to say this is that, I may not be a saint, but that doesn't mean I can't strive to be "holy."
People treat each other badly out of fear. I addressed my own fears via mood altering substances. Now I don't address them at all, because fear cannot exist in the same time and space as love...just as darkness cannot exist in the light. When I focus on the solution rather than the problem, I enter that realm of "happy, joyous and free."....even when others choose to treat me unkindly. Then I get to practice forgiveness, rather than resentment. when I turn on the light, the darkenss disappears.
I love recovery. It gave me permission to be who I am....and to let you be who you are.....love and unity rather than fear and separation.
blessings
James, the zenbear
I think for many of us, there is some truth to the statement that we are "egomaniacs with inferiority complexes." To compensate for a self that I had come to believe was hateful, incompetent, unlovable, defective, etc....one of my strategies was to be grandiose, pretending (to myself) that I was "better than." Another coping strategy was to sink into the morass of self pity and withdraw from others in the belief that I was so awful that they'd want nothing to do with me. Both of these strategies are my fear-laden ego being in control....it doesn't care if I'm better or worse, so long as I am different.
Recovery for me has been about the unity I have found in learning to love myself and others. Ego is all about separation....it is entirely about fear. No love in the ego. And the ego is, IMO, what most people are really talking about when they speak of "my disease." It's where all of my shame, guilt, fear, doubt and insecurity live, and it is certainly not restricted to addicts and alcoholics. In fact, probably the most common coping strategy of all, to overcome the sense of worthlessness....or to confirm false pride....is being dependent for self esteem on the accumulation of money, property and prestige...in other words, what our culture would call "success." My being may be defective, but I can compensate by performing well, so I become a human doing rather than a human being. Recover has been all about recovering my "beingness," in unity with others, rather than in competition with them. I prefer to define my own "success" in terms of how well I practice certain principles (as pretty thoroughly described in AA) in ALL my affairs. Another way to say this is that, I may not be a saint, but that doesn't mean I can't strive to be "holy."
People treat each other badly out of fear. I addressed my own fears via mood altering substances. Now I don't address them at all, because fear cannot exist in the same time and space as love...just as darkness cannot exist in the light. When I focus on the solution rather than the problem, I enter that realm of "happy, joyous and free."....even when others choose to treat me unkindly. Then I get to practice forgiveness, rather than resentment. when I turn on the light, the darkenss disappears.
I love recovery. It gave me permission to be who I am....and to let you be who you are.....love and unity rather than fear and separation.
blessings
James, the zenbear
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
I sure thought like that, and I still have to work every day, to remain in a positive frame of mind. It really is a choice.
Something I did in early recovery that really helped a lot, was to get rid of a couple of toxic people in my life. I didn't need anyone around me who would try to bring me down. I couldn't afford that. It turned out to be a great decision.
Something I did in early recovery that really helped a lot, was to get rid of a couple of toxic people in my life. I didn't need anyone around me who would try to bring me down. I couldn't afford that. It turned out to be a great decision.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 438
It gets better, Sasha, I promise. The longer I'm sober (4 months now), the more my feelings and thoughts heal and go from self-hating and other negative stuff to peace, joy, and serenity.
"Why do others often take delight in being the first to tell you something that might sting a little, or hurt? I'm not like that - why do others have to be?"
I know exactly what you mean by this, and it drives me crazy, too. I try to say something positive any time there's something positive or encouraging that can be said, and I want to smack people who are eager to let me know that something might "sting a little or hurt". I'm dealing with a situation right now where I'm getting alot of this so-called well-meaning advice from my friends, and I'd just as soon they shut the f up.
Anyways, I hope you feel better soon. Keep coming back to SR...don't be shy about posting anything you're feeling or thinking - it WILL help. Know also that I'm thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Stephanie
"Why do others often take delight in being the first to tell you something that might sting a little, or hurt? I'm not like that - why do others have to be?"
I know exactly what you mean by this, and it drives me crazy, too. I try to say something positive any time there's something positive or encouraging that can be said, and I want to smack people who are eager to let me know that something might "sting a little or hurt". I'm dealing with a situation right now where I'm getting alot of this so-called well-meaning advice from my friends, and I'd just as soon they shut the f up.
Anyways, I hope you feel better soon. Keep coming back to SR...don't be shy about posting anything you're feeling or thinking - it WILL help. Know also that I'm thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way.
Take care,
Stephanie
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Sick people act like sick people.
That's one of the hardest lessons I'm trying to learn, for it applies to all of us. Those who delight in pointing out their perceptions of the shrotcomings of others are sick people and need to be avoided if we want to get healthy and feel good about ourselves.
If someone has the flu, it's best they stay home and not spread it to others, and if they have the flu of "I'm better than you", well they need to stay home all the more!!
Stay focused on getting better yourself and let those other "negative voices" go bark up a tree, lol.
That's one of the hardest lessons I'm trying to learn, for it applies to all of us. Those who delight in pointing out their perceptions of the shrotcomings of others are sick people and need to be avoided if we want to get healthy and feel good about ourselves.
If someone has the flu, it's best they stay home and not spread it to others, and if they have the flu of "I'm better than you", well they need to stay home all the more!!
Stay focused on getting better yourself and let those other "negative voices" go bark up a tree, lol.
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
I'm so sorry you are feeling down.
I consider myself a very sensitive person. It can work for me, but it also can work against me. I over think, over analyze, and get my feelings hurt when maybe I shouldn't.
I agree that some people can seem to delight in telling others something that is hurtful. And there are also people, especially in my life right now, who pretend to be concerned and ask about your problems, but are really just nosy and judgemental and can't wait to tell the next person about it.
To be strong for ourselves, we have to weed out those toxic people and either avoid them, or put on a suit of armor when they are around. We have to do it for ourselves, noone will do it for us.
Please never apologize for your feelings. And please always know you have genuine people here on SR that care, and don't want to ever be hurtful.
I consider myself a very sensitive person. It can work for me, but it also can work against me. I over think, over analyze, and get my feelings hurt when maybe I shouldn't.
I agree that some people can seem to delight in telling others something that is hurtful. And there are also people, especially in my life right now, who pretend to be concerned and ask about your problems, but are really just nosy and judgemental and can't wait to tell the next person about it.
To be strong for ourselves, we have to weed out those toxic people and either avoid them, or put on a suit of armor when they are around. We have to do it for ourselves, noone will do it for us.
Please never apologize for your feelings. And please always know you have genuine people here on SR that care, and don't want to ever be hurtful.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Originally Posted by Anna 
I sure thought like that, and I still have to work every day, to remain in a positive frame of mind. It really is a choice.
Something I did in early recovery that really helped a lot, was to get rid of a couple of toxic people in my life. I didn't need anyone around me who would try to bring me down. I couldn't afford that. It turned out to be a great decision.
Something I did in early recovery that really helped a lot, was to get rid of a couple of toxic people in my life. I didn't need anyone around me who would try to bring me down. I couldn't afford that. It turned out to be a great decision.
YOU are the most important person, and you are doing the best that you can, YOU are recovering and you know the difference between right and wrong. continue to treat others with compassion but you don't have to be a doormat either.
I avoid confrontation with people who have hurt me...i just remove them from my life..and figure it is THEIR loss.
be good to yourself too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: los angeles, ca
Posts: 1,223
I use to wake up after drinking and search my brain for something I did or said wrong and beat myself up over whatever it was. Even when I wasn't drinking whenever I felt happy I would search my memories for something to make me feel bad about myself. It was horrible. Now that I have been sober for over 30 days my brain just doesn't go there anymore. The Power that alcohol had over my obsessive thoughts is gone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
I think so! I do this all the time. Even after 22 years of sobriety. I've got to fight the oversensitivity, the negative thinking, the brooding over past mistakes, the grudges, the perceived slights, the loneliness, the memories, what might have been, what can never be... Is this list long enough? I could go on.
Maybe you should get a dog. Harry Truman advised us to do that. Look into a dog's eyes. See the love there. And forgive yourself. Your dog forgives you (provided you fill his doggie bowl and brush him.) If he forgives you then maybe you should forgive yourself.
Would a cat work as well? Does a cat really care? Better stick with a dog.
W.
Maybe you should get a dog. Harry Truman advised us to do that. Look into a dog's eyes. See the love there. And forgive yourself. Your dog forgives you (provided you fill his doggie bowl and brush him.) If he forgives you then maybe you should forgive yourself.
Would a cat work as well? Does a cat really care? Better stick with a dog.
W.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Originally Posted by wpainterw
Maybe you should get a dog. Harry Truman advised us to do that. Look into a dog's eyes. See the love there. And forgive yourself. Your dog forgives you (provided you fill his doggie bowl and brush him.) If he forgives you then maybe you should forgive yourself.
Would a cat work as well? Does a cat really care? Better stick with a dog.
W. [/SIZE]
Would a cat work as well? Does a cat really care? Better stick with a dog.
W. [/SIZE]
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Originally Posted by wpainterw
Maybe you should get a dog. Harry Truman advised us to do that. Look into a dog's eyes. See the love there. And forgive yourself. Your dog forgives you (provided you fill his doggie bowl and brush him.) If he forgives you then maybe you should forgive yourself.
Would a cat work as well? Does a cat really care? Better stick with a dog.
W.
Would a cat work as well? Does a cat really care? Better stick with a dog.
W.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
Originally Posted by keepcominback
Lots of times people say things because they don't have any manners. I would never say some of the things that people have said to me.
One AA friend of mind called these types of people "social clods".
Not everyone understands boundaries, and respect of others, to not blurt out anything they are thinking, or feeling like saying.
Don't take it personal! (yeah, easy to say)!
The power of words! They can hurt for sure.
The "God save me from being angry" prayer out of the Big Book is helpful.
Chin up!
One AA friend of mind called these types of people "social clods".
Not everyone understands boundaries, and respect of others, to not blurt out anything they are thinking, or feeling like saying.
Don't take it personal! (yeah, easy to say)!
The power of words! They can hurt for sure.
The "God save me from being angry" prayer out of the Big Book is helpful.
Chin up!
People do treat each other badly.
blessings
zenbear
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
Originally Posted by keepcominback
One more thing someone taught me. You may want to try this.
This person felt that everything we are upset about was nothing more than fear.
So for example...say the very first thing you typed...
"Today I hate myself."
Get a piece of paper and a pen, and write.
I have fear I hate myself today. Please God remove this fear, I pray only for knowledge of your will for us and the power to carry that out. Love, (and put your name). Amen.
If you write more than one item of fear, you just save the Please God, remove these fears (and resentments) for the very end, and make a list.
Also...another way to frame it is...
I have resentment at myself, because I have fear that today I hate myself.
I have fear that I feel awful.
I have resentment at people because I have fear they say things to hurt me.
etc.
My friends says Fear is false evidence appearing real.
That all this stuff, is just fear, and we ask God to remove it.
From the Big Book of AA:
Chapter Into Action:
Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them.
How It Works:
We ask Him (God) to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.
This person felt that everything we are upset about was nothing more than fear.
So for example...say the very first thing you typed...
"Today I hate myself."
Get a piece of paper and a pen, and write.
I have fear I hate myself today. Please God remove this fear, I pray only for knowledge of your will for us and the power to carry that out. Love, (and put your name). Amen.
If you write more than one item of fear, you just save the Please God, remove these fears (and resentments) for the very end, and make a list.
Also...another way to frame it is...
I have resentment at myself, because I have fear that today I hate myself.
I have fear that I feel awful.
I have resentment at people because I have fear they say things to hurt me.
etc.
My friends says Fear is false evidence appearing real.
That all this stuff, is just fear, and we ask God to remove it.
From the Big Book of AA:
Chapter Into Action:
Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them.
How It Works:
We ask Him (God) to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.
The "god of my understanding" is pure love, and being a universal singularity, has no opposite. Fear is an illusion that I made, and it is based in the belief that there is somewhere that love (god) isn't.
Since it is merely part of my deljusional dream, I never pray for it to be removed. I pray for the willingness to see things differently...to see with eyes of love rather than fear.
blessings
zenbear
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 438
Originally Posted by zbear23
Scott Peck ("The Road Less Traveled") opined that the greatest problem in the world today is the lack of civility.
People do treat each other badly.
blessings
zenbear
People do treat each other badly.
blessings
zenbear
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