Frisky

So for six years or so I have suffered from anxiety and panic disorder. I started to get better and have been well for about a year. I was looking into going to uni this September ie now!

Then about a month ago I randomly got ill again. I had a massive panic attack followed up by more and more and now I can't get out of the house without help.

I discovered about three years into my original illness that alcohol made me feel better. I felt more confident and relaxed and was able to get out more. Of course when the mental illness started to go away the drinking didn't. I suspect that the drink made me depressed and that led straight back to the anxiety.

I think the only people who don't know this story is my parents (I'm 30 and still live at home. Ugh!) and my doctor. It's shockingly easy to be honest with friends, they always seem to forgive me and tell me how strong I am for fighting my way through this illness.

Now I wonder how I am going to get through it again. I don't want to carry on drinking for the rest of my life, but it's so hard not to when it seems to be the only thing that calms me down. But of course I will end up back at square one if I do carry on.

And it's just nice to say these words out loud to people who don't know me and aren't going to try to say the right thing. Love my friends so much, but they're not doing the right thing for me atm.

Thanks for reading x

artsoul

Hi Frisky (like your name!) - I understand the self-medicating part of drinking because I did that too - for years. In the end, though, it made everything worse. It got to the point where the temporary relief wasn't worth living in the grips of alcohol. Infact, I started having tremendous anxiety (it's a part of the hangover/withdrawal syndrome). Alcohol is also a depressant, so the medication I was taking for it wasn't working. It really just messes our whole system up: brain, blood vessels, liver, stomach etc. etc.

I know it's hard to face a doctor honestly about drinking, but it would be the best thing you could possibly do for yourself. There are other ways of dealing with anxiety. I don't know how much you drink now or if you have compulsions to drink, but it's just not good medicine for any condition.

Glad you're here! :ghug3

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I am sorry that you are dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. I have the same problem myself, starting from childhood years. It can be absolutely exhausting dealing with anxiety, as your mind seems to never stop. For me, this led to chronic insomnia and eventually to drinking to help me sleep. What a slippery slope that was!

So, I have learned to deal with the anxiety to a certain degree. I know what works for me and what doesn't. Have you tried meditation?

I know that you will find lots of support here, and hopefully some good information too.

alexvt

Hey Frisky. this is something I do know about. Let me just say I have suffered from Panic attacks since age 28 am now 39 (almost 40.) I have been been drinking since I was 13. I have a script for xanax. Well let me just tell you I have been sober for 31 days today and my panic attacks have all but disappeared. I am telling you I know now that they were because I was drinking. For the first time in my life I am anxiety free!! I know if I drank they would come back in full force. Another great reason not to drink. I don't even take the xanax anymore. (if your are taking it though, talk to dr. before quitting.) I am proof that alcohol=anxiety. I think alcohol messes with your nervous system.

least

I drank to medicate anxiety and depression... but the drinking made them both a lot worse. Now that I'm sober nine months the depression is much more bearable and the anxiety not nearly so bad. Alcohol does make anxiety worse cause it's a depressant and the anxiety after drinking is the brain going hyper after the depressant alcohol is gone.

I hope you can stop drinking and see your doctor for help in treating the anxiety. The doctor might be able to help you get safely thru the w/d too.

Welcome to the family!


We have a good forum just for anxiety. Give it a look:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/anxiety-disorders/

Frisky

Ooh, I stepped away from the computer for just a little while and was really pleased to see so many lovely and helpful replies

It's Just comforting to know other people are going through the same thing.

Thanks Artsoul, the name is a little joke from back in the day. My ex had a dog who used to get "frisky"

I'm in the referral system to see a professional for the panic disorder (I'm in the UK and have no idea how long it will take), but I know I am going to have to raise the issue with them.

I don't really crave alcohol, but feel I need to drink when the withdrawal kicks in, the anxiety that comes with the hangover.


Hi Anna. Oh the insomnia *kicks it* I know exactly what you mean.

I have tried meditation it the past. Because the anxiety has only recently returned I am going to have to go back through old notes and see what helped before. I may just try a bit of meditation tonight!


Congratulations Alexvt. It's so good to hear you're on the right path and feeling so much better for it. I do think alcohol leads to a vicious cycle. Drink to make anxiety go away but then the alcohol makes you anxious and round and round we go.

I am on some meds, Cipralex I think, that the brand name. I strongly suspect that it isn't working effectively because I am drinking.

Least, that's fab that you've been dry 9 months And it's sort of nice to hear that stopping drinking will not make everything magically heal as well. But it's a good first step towards being "normal". I wish somebody had told me that when I stopped having panic attacks life wouldn't just slot into place and we still have to keep working at life.

I will be checking out that forum. I may even be able to share some tips and tricks I learnt over the years too! It's always a good boost to feel you've helped someone else.

That was a looooooooong reply of mine, but it's been a while since I have really spoken, I've been hiding away from people. Bad idea that.

Dee74

Hi Frisky

I self medicated for a variety of things too - and like others have said, the 'cure' became worse than the disease.

You're wise to think about this now.

I hope your referral will help

Welcome to SR!
D

LawMama

Welcome! I self-medicated too and have been astounded at how much less anxiety I have now that I'm not drinking and working the 12 steps. I have found that the alcohol increased my anxiety and depression 10 fold....I am on prozac which helps me with my depression and anxiety. Of course I'm not a dr. but I know it has helped me get and stay sober. Good luck!

Vanilla28

thumbs up to all these posts! in fact that could have been ME writing friskys first post lol i do have to concur with that everyone else has said also. ive have panic attacks and anxiety forever! drinking helped at first, but then the next day would be BRUTAL!
im only into my day 18 and i can honestly say it has subsided alot. feels really good not to have that constant panic rising in me. i almost feel...day i say.....normal! lol

Frisky

Just so I don't sound like an utter runaway, I am still lurking and still here.

I have issues with social iteration right now so I read and don't always comment x

ItWillBeWorthIt

There is nothing wrong with just reading Frisky -- it does help immensely. Make sure you check in from time to time to let us know how you are doing.

Have a great weekend!