Summerpeach

Yesterday, I found the courage to walk into my first step meeting. It was pretty good, I felt a lot more comfy than I expected. I was able to read out loud many times and share really quickly. It's a 2 hr group that meets weekly, so I'll be going back.

The group was on step 9 (amends). There was a part in the readings that talked about people who hurt us deeply and always wondering if they were going to say a simple "sorry"" and to think if we needed to make amends to them in any way. Well my thoughts turned to the ex I was with for 11 yrs who did the most horrilbe things to me and I always wanted a heatfelt apology from him.
Talking about the amends brought up the old feelings and I started to feel odd. Then the group talked about how maybe we need to make amends to others who hurt us as well.
Then it hit me, there were things I did to this ex and probably could apologize for, but I just don't think I could since what he did to me was just too far out there to even go there. I would need to make amends to him in silence.

I left the group feeling odd, sad and well, just weird
I've not seen this ex is MANY years (we broke up 10 yrs ago) and 10 mins after I leave the group, who do I see on the street? Yep, this ex!
My heart was RACING and all I could think is "this must be my HP playing tricks!
I could see in his face, he was excited to see me and all I could do was say "Hey" and keep walking. I didn't even turn back!
I started to get very emotional from this point. My mind on the pain from that ex and then to the fresh pain from my current ex.
Then I said to myself "Nope, you're not going to allow this pain"

So I got myself to the gym, worked out 2 SOLID hours, came home, cooked a beautiful supper for a friend and had a few glasses of wine and went to bed. I was ok!
It was a bittersweet healing day I suppose.

Summerpeach

<<chirp chirp>>>>> can I get a "what what" ;-)

Jadmack25

HP does come up with some very eerie surprises for us, and usually they are some thing we would never even think about.

RABF is scared of even considering someone he hasn't seen in ages, because time after time it seems to conjur them up.

Guess you better get used to some interesting actions from your HP in future.

God bless

freebuthurting

Strange that it should work out that way - almost like you were being tested.
You made the decision that was right for you - well done.

missphit

great job!! and well done! that is a special sort of amends to yourself, too...how wonderful!! enjoy!

transformyself

Interesting.

So, in a meeting, you determined you needed to apologize to someone you hadn't seen in ten years, then ran into him on the street?

Those sorts of opportunites are pretty typical of my HP.