HP gave me a gift. I LOVE SR!
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
HP gave me a gift. I LOVE SR!
Good Morning.
Somehow, through multiple finger action on the keyboard or something- I really don't know how, a new browser window opened up while I was working on an article.
Yeah, so I'm writing this article, in Word right? Typing furiously when suddenly Firefox opens, the program I use to browse the internet. It opens to THIS THREAD
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...husband-2.html
This my dear friends is a thread from October 19 of last year. One of my earliest. I had just seperated from AH and had spent time on the phone listening to him berate me for being a slob, unpredictable, too anxious, bla bla bla.
All of you are there. I feel like Dorothy back home in Kansas. Wanting, Bookwyrm, LTD, BuffaloGal, L2L, Phiz, JenT, KV, Catlover, GiveLove and many more I haven't seen in awhile.
Look what Jadmack told me
So he isn't Mr Happy with YOUR messy home, well whoop-de-doo to him. Didn't bother him that you were miserable at his messing around with other women, did it.
I'd rather have a basket of washing, unmade beds and dishes in the sink than a morally unclean slag of a man hanging around.
It is your life, and you seem to be doing fine and I see this episode as him pushing not just one of your buttons, but every button he could find to push. It would have had me zipping down the phone line and doing a Bobbit on his dirty little straying bits.
What a miserable tosser and loser he is, and what is so mind blowing is that HE still thinks he is Mr Wonderful because he he has a spotlessly clean house.
SO EMAIL HOME BEAUTIFUL to do a spread on him!
As for him getting you steamed up by his Quacking abuse, then he is worried about his kids? If he cared a little bit, HE WOULD NOT HAVE SAID ANYTHING TO UPSET YOU!
I hope he is happy in his clean and sterile house, but can he get a friendly word from the washing machine, a cuddle from the stove, or make a close friend from the stereo?
NO, he can't. You however have loads of friends and folks who really care about you, so darn the mess I say.
Try laughing at him next time he gets into button pushing, then hang up on him. He's not worth 1 minute more of your precious life, so let him spend time scrubbing, as he has proved he's a real scrubber, hasn't he.
God bless Transform.
Everything you all said to me was perfect. I was a different person. Beaten. Humiliated. Believing him.
Guess what I do today if he even tries this crap, which he doesn't too often because I don't take it. I hang up the phone.
Seriously, I had forgotten the brutal reality of how bad I felt a year ago. I talk about it, I share it with others, but Gods hand moved this morning to remind me in living color.
Thank you everyone. I'm so grateful. I recommend ya'll go back and read your earliest posts.
Love, Charmie
Somehow, through multiple finger action on the keyboard or something- I really don't know how, a new browser window opened up while I was working on an article.
Yeah, so I'm writing this article, in Word right? Typing furiously when suddenly Firefox opens, the program I use to browse the internet. It opens to THIS THREAD
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...husband-2.html
This my dear friends is a thread from October 19 of last year. One of my earliest. I had just seperated from AH and had spent time on the phone listening to him berate me for being a slob, unpredictable, too anxious, bla bla bla.
All of you are there. I feel like Dorothy back home in Kansas. Wanting, Bookwyrm, LTD, BuffaloGal, L2L, Phiz, JenT, KV, Catlover, GiveLove and many more I haven't seen in awhile.
Look what Jadmack told me
So he isn't Mr Happy with YOUR messy home, well whoop-de-doo to him. Didn't bother him that you were miserable at his messing around with other women, did it.
I'd rather have a basket of washing, unmade beds and dishes in the sink than a morally unclean slag of a man hanging around.
It is your life, and you seem to be doing fine and I see this episode as him pushing not just one of your buttons, but every button he could find to push. It would have had me zipping down the phone line and doing a Bobbit on his dirty little straying bits.
What a miserable tosser and loser he is, and what is so mind blowing is that HE still thinks he is Mr Wonderful because he he has a spotlessly clean house.
SO EMAIL HOME BEAUTIFUL to do a spread on him!
As for him getting you steamed up by his Quacking abuse, then he is worried about his kids? If he cared a little bit, HE WOULD NOT HAVE SAID ANYTHING TO UPSET YOU!
I hope he is happy in his clean and sterile house, but can he get a friendly word from the washing machine, a cuddle from the stove, or make a close friend from the stereo?
NO, he can't. You however have loads of friends and folks who really care about you, so darn the mess I say.
Try laughing at him next time he gets into button pushing, then hang up on him. He's not worth 1 minute more of your precious life, so let him spend time scrubbing, as he has proved he's a real scrubber, hasn't he.
God bless Transform.
Everything you all said to me was perfect. I was a different person. Beaten. Humiliated. Believing him.
Guess what I do today if he even tries this crap, which he doesn't too often because I don't take it. I hang up the phone.
Seriously, I had forgotten the brutal reality of how bad I felt a year ago. I talk about it, I share it with others, but Gods hand moved this morning to remind me in living color.
Thank you everyone. I'm so grateful. I recommend ya'll go back and read your earliest posts.
Love, Charmie
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
For some reason, cleanliness/neatness is a real hot button issue with my ex as well. You ever meet one of those fussy old ladies whose house is like a museum and everything has dust covers on it? Yeah....when he would get demanding like that I used to call it his "straightening the teacups" mode.
I was never able to keep up with housework, mostly cause I can't stand doing it. He once offered to help me to do all the housework - but only if I swore to do it to his standards and schedule. Wow, how sweet. He also bought a weedwacker once and said, "Here - I made sure it was an especially light model so your arms wouldn't get tired!"
He still hates coming over to my apartment because it is always messy. Don't give a rat's ass anymore - he doesn't live here. The dishes are done, garbage goes out when its full, food in the fridge, clean clothes for everyone, lots of toys and books - who gives a damn if I have dust bunnies...er, dust buffalos? But surprisingly, neatness is used more as a measure of someone's worthiness that say, volunteer work or how they treat their kids/friends/coworkers. Pretty screwed up, IMHO.
I would rather have a messy house and a tidy soul than the other way around. Both would be nice but if I had to pick....
I was never able to keep up with housework, mostly cause I can't stand doing it. He once offered to help me to do all the housework - but only if I swore to do it to his standards and schedule. Wow, how sweet. He also bought a weedwacker once and said, "Here - I made sure it was an especially light model so your arms wouldn't get tired!"
He still hates coming over to my apartment because it is always messy. Don't give a rat's ass anymore - he doesn't live here. The dishes are done, garbage goes out when its full, food in the fridge, clean clothes for everyone, lots of toys and books - who gives a damn if I have dust bunnies...er, dust buffalos? But surprisingly, neatness is used more as a measure of someone's worthiness that say, volunteer work or how they treat their kids/friends/coworkers. Pretty screwed up, IMHO.
I would rather have a messy house and a tidy soul than the other way around. Both would be nice but if I had to pick....
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
T, It is so great (and I believe, necessary) to be able to look back and SEE how far we have come. I am so glad that you did. With all of the chaos we live through, it's hard to remember what we were like "back then" without having put it in writing somewhere. And with all the denial we suffer, it is so important to be able to see proof of the sickness and how it affects us, in our own words. I think this is one of the reasons why SR is so great.
Honestly, it chokes me up to realize that I have had the priviledge to witness and participate in your journey. Thank you for sharing that with me.
Honestly, it chokes me up to realize that I have had the priviledge to witness and participate in your journey. Thank you for sharing that with me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
Originally Posted by PurpleSquirrel 
For some reason, cleanliness/neatness is a real hot button issue with my ex as well.
Transformyself - I love Jadmacks post, made me laugh out loud, she was definitely having a Dr Phil moment.
Sometimes its good to look back on progress and so pleased that its such a positive for you. Thanks for your post. It gives me something to look forward to.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Oh Lordy, how our comments can come back to haunt us. I think I was full to *****'s bow with righteous anger at such hypocritical hogwash. Christ called these folks "whited sepulchres", and got them a bit stirred up.
I got spoken to about an untidy home, by someone who was knocking the pub door down for a drink at 9am, and who would sit there all day drinking. I could never figure out how, unless I was cleaning, wiping, washing, whatever, I was being lazy, but sitting on a bar stool, chatting up a bar tart, arueing with brain fried pals and getting legless and broke.....was NOT wasteful, lazy or stupid.
I soon learned my way thru Wackyland, and understood nothing there makes sense.
God bless
I got spoken to about an untidy home, by someone who was knocking the pub door down for a drink at 9am, and who would sit there all day drinking. I could never figure out how, unless I was cleaning, wiping, washing, whatever, I was being lazy, but sitting on a bar stool, chatting up a bar tart, arueing with brain fried pals and getting legless and broke.....was NOT wasteful, lazy or stupid.
I soon learned my way thru Wackyland, and understood nothing there makes sense.
God bless
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Honestly, it chokes me up to realize that I have had the priviledge to witness and participate in your journey. Thank you for sharing that with me.
Changing ourselves is ugly work. I seriously don't blame anyone who doesn't get out that mirror and start picking away. It's hard. Not the picking part, the forgiveness part. The part where we face how badly we treat ourselves and learn to parent, love and forgive ourselves. Provide the very things we've been searching for externally on an internal level.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I got spoken to about an untidy home, by someone who was knocking the pub door down for a drink at 9am, and who would sit there all day drinking. I could never figure out how, unless I was cleaning, wiping, washing, whatever, I was being lazy, but sitting on a bar stool, chatting up a bar tart, arueing with brain fried pals and getting legless and broke.....was NOT wasteful, lazy or stupid.
That's what we become. We become the scapegoat. They hyper-focus on OUR behavior and what WE are doing "wrong," and truly believe that WE are the reason why they drink, why the marriage doesn't work, and why they do all the rest of the crap they do. This is why, when you are trying to be in a relationship with them, they can cheat on you and then blame you for it. They HAVE to.
And by simply being in the relationship, you provide the fodder for them to continue.
And the greater the need for the diversion, the louder they yell and the angrier they get. To cow to their anger and to run around trying to meet their demands is INSANITY. The unfortunate thing is, when you involve yourself with a person who is constantly blaming, finding fault, and finger-pointing, it is very difficult not to fall into the trap of doing the same. Then it's like a ping-poing game with both people looking only at the other person, never at themselves. It is a chaotic, painful place to live.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
RE: Post Above, Mention of 'Dust Buffalo':
From UrbanDictionary.com
Of the same species as a Dust Bunny. This species is indigenous to the great plains of the College Dorm as well as the Under-The-Fridge caves of the Kitchen Area and Under-The-Bed chasms of the Bedroom district. The biggest enemy to the Dust Buffallo is a Broom although it also fears the mighty Vacuum. It's enemies are not native to College Dorm however they can be found in the Kitchen and Bedroom occasionally. Reduction of the Dust Bunny population also affects the Dust Buffalo population.
So support your local wildlife - take the day off!
From UrbanDictionary.com
Of the same species as a Dust Bunny. This species is indigenous to the great plains of the College Dorm as well as the Under-The-Fridge caves of the Kitchen Area and Under-The-Bed chasms of the Bedroom district. The biggest enemy to the Dust Buffallo is a Broom although it also fears the mighty Vacuum. It's enemies are not native to College Dorm however they can be found in the Kitchen and Bedroom occasionally. Reduction of the Dust Bunny population also affects the Dust Buffalo population.
So support your local wildlife - take the day off!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I'd rather have a basket of washing, unmade beds and dishes in the sink than a morally unclean slag of a man hanging around.
Thanks Jadmack, your words still help me! HAH! SO THERE, LOSERS!! ... ok done.. sorry.
Because Women are realizing They are Enough (MORE than enough!), all those are tchniques from Insecure Men to say "yes, you got X and Y, but STILL you are not
clean enough
thin enough
pretty enough
stylish enough
hot enough
horney enough
fun enough
friendly enough
adventurous enough
intelligent enough
etc
..to make ME happy".
So good to open your eyes and see reality as it is - I agree its tough to see our defects and errors but its tougher when you start treating yourself right.. after the initial shock I think I am getting more used to it !! its the good thing about being visceral/emotional, when things suck they SUCK, but also when one enjoys life/beauty, it is a wonderful, rich moment.
It can only get better from here! cheers!
Thanks Jadmack, your words still help me! HAH! SO THERE, LOSERS!! ... ok done.. sorry.
Because Women are realizing They are Enough (MORE than enough!), all those are tchniques from Insecure Men to say "yes, you got X and Y, but STILL you are not
clean enough
thin enough
pretty enough
stylish enough
hot enough
horney enough
fun enough
friendly enough
adventurous enough
intelligent enough
etc
..to make ME happy".
So good to open your eyes and see reality as it is - I agree its tough to see our defects and errors but its tougher when you start treating yourself right.. after the initial shock I think I am getting more used to it
!! its the good thing about being visceral/emotional, when things suck they SUCK, but also when one enjoys life/beauty, it is a wonderful, rich moment.It can only get better from here! cheers!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
I love when that happens - finding an old postcard or photograph or a book opening to a certain page and it all has some deeper meaning or message to us!
Jadmack's reply made me laugh out loud and grin from ear to ear! It was a great thread - much wisdom, and you've come a long way baby!
peace-
B
Jadmack's reply made me laugh out loud and grin from ear to ear! It was a great thread - much wisdom, and you've come a long way baby!
peace-
B
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