ZombieWife

This might be off topic (to some extent). I am finding that a lot of people I know, people who I consider friends and even some family, have a really nasty and judgmental stigma in regard to addicts.

I'm finding that many people I know feel that insurance should not cover rehab in any way, shape or form, that addicts "choose" to be addicts and therefore should not be covered.

I'm finding that many people don't consider addiction a disease and that they are simply "terrible people."

I'm finding that some people think that they can "spot an addict a mile away," and that they all look the same: homeless, destitute, grungy, ugly, dirty.

It's so frustrating at times to hear people talk about how addicts don't deserve a second chance, that they all belong in jail (locked up for good-throw away the key).

Maybe I was one of those people who felt that way. I honestly can't tell you. But, when I hear stories about addicts WANTING help but unable to find the funds, unable to find an "open bed" somewhere, unable to get their insurance company to cover something . . . it really disheartens me. Why does our society, on a whole, seem to consider addicts something they can throw away like garbage?

I get tired of fighting the fight at times, tired of trying to explain to people that it is a disease, that it can happen to anyone. Sometimes, I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall.

Anyway, I just needed to vent. Thank you for reading.

bigisland

Great post. I have been having many of the same feelings. I have avoided talking to most people about my bf's heroin addiction due to judgements. I think one of the main reasons is that most people are uneducated about drugs and addictions. They don't know what substances are or how real addictions are. They just hear something like "heroin" and think it's some crazy, manufactured devil drug. They have no idea it's naturally occurring from the poppy plant. And that it's nearly the same as Morphine... just a different form, different methods for using, etc. Certainly most people have known someone in their life that have used opiates. I recognize the clear difference between use and abuse, but with a predisposition many addicts have to substances, they are doomed. My bf's father is a recovering alcoholic (1 yr clean), and he grew up in the house with him, so he was at risk before using something as addicting as heroin.

People are also very close-minded. Some people think that occassional weed use by responsible, non-addicted people is the worst thing ever. And know nothing about legalization of it, but seem to lip off about it a lot. I also know people (like my maternal grandmother) who think that alcohol is the devil. She has always lectured me about drinking and I even had to have my mom have a talk with her before my college graduation to tell her I would be drinking a bottle of wine at dinner (I was 30 when I finally graduated from college). One of my friends, who was raped by her father, had 3 husbands, 4 children, 3 dogs given up to other families, her brother is an addict and has 2 illegitimate children, her sister has 3 illegitimate children, and her 16 yr old sister falsely accused their stepfather of raping and abusing her ... yet this is the same girl who told me the other day i was crazy for staying with my boyfriend and everything I say, she comments that over and over, along with saying that she hoped for my "sake" that he cleaned up. She thinks this is the worst thing she's ever heard and has started to judge me over it. Some people just don't get it.

As far as insurance, the system is so screwed up, I won't even go there. I work in the medical field. I see stuff everyday that makes me sick to my stomach. There is gross negligence in the system, far worse than helping out an addict to get to detox or rehab. They have a disease, just as many other people do. I think some subjects should be off liimits for public, open debates in inappropriate places (workplace, grocery store, etc) like concerning whether insurance covering rehab is right or wrong. Some people will debate these things, along with religion, abortion, politics, etc. Generally, those people can also be labeled and judged... Confrontational.

Thanks again for the post, I think it is all something we should be aware of. I work hard not to judge in life.

itisatruth

Last week, I'm sitting in the staff room during lunch. The conversation was the latest softball game -we have a "team" that plays every week. They won the game. Cool, good for them, whatever. The rest of the conversation was mostly laughter & snide comments about how the other team must have been the "Tweaker Team" because of all the missing teeth. The comments and tone of the conversation were demeaning and cruel, IMO. My RAH has missing teeth - replaced by implants - but has been seen without them. So, granted, I'm sensitive to this. But, really people, do we need to spend our time putting people down - criticizing what we don't understand?? I'm not saying that addicts shouldn't have to face the consequences of their choices, because that is real life, but where do we draw the line between being humans with empathy and humans who persecute those who are different?

Maybe a little off topic of what you were saying Zombie, but it struck a nerve. My husband, who has made mistakes but tries every day to make a living amends to those around him, would be ridiculed among my peers if they knew who/what he was. Makes me sad to think they'd judge without knowing him.

meditation

I fight this stigma every day of my life. When I was in rehab my counselor told our group of impaired professionals, a group of doctors, pharmacists, dentists, nurses etc that we were scum of the earth. I welled up with tears because I of this statement and then the counselor had the temerity to ask me what was wrong with me. I understand on some level he felt he had to get thru to people that were in denial of their addiction but I feel that addicts and this particular group was most remorseful we as a group needed to know that their was hope that we could recover and be responsible members of society and contribute. Hearing that I felt I would never recover from this problem.

What's so hard is this was advice, instruction coming from a recovered addict turned counselor, someone that knows addiction from the inside, not a person making an uneducated moral pass on someone. Addicts come in all flavors, sizes, cultures, educational backgrounds. A great deal of the people that go to the AA meeting I go to look wealthy, look educated, sound educated.

It's the same as the justice system, I feel sorry for people that get a criminal record because once a person has that record they have a hard time rehabilitating back into society. I am not trying to excuse it but they find little acceptance and some do go back to the only ways they know, they really need rehabilitation and society could use these people productively. I wish things were more progressive for people that want to prove they've mended their fences and are given a 2nd chance but alas they're labeled and put out on the curb.

And in talking with people I find someone has an addict, or alcoholic in the family or knows someone close that suffers. One never knows when one's next family member may succumb to addiction. I pray for all of us, families, friends and addicts.

Chino

The more contemptuous a person is, the more skeletons they have rattling in their closets.

litehorse

i have come to understand as i have dealt with my son's addiction that we all are addicted to something - some are addicted to positive things (like helping people!!!) so it doesn't seem like a problem -but anything that allows our life to become unbalanced is not good - people who have to put others down and make judgements have their own demons to deal with - as we have all experienced i'm sure the old saying what goes around comes around will catch up with them eventually - i understand the hesitancy to discuss addiction in company of certain people - i appreciate the vent, zombiewife - i have been having the same thoughts recently

PurpleWilder

As one oldtimer in AA used to say, "There are people who get 'it' and people who don't. Don't waste your time on the people who don't."

Like many tragic things, it is only a abstract concept until it happens to them. Then they get it. Hold your head up high and do the best you can. Ignore everyone who can't be supportive. Not ignore with prejudice, but ignore with pity. They limit their own understanding of the world. Not your problem.

Still Waters

Hmm. Well, I also have heard stories of alcoholics or addicts who have been in rehab many times, only to turn right around and start right back where they were when they got out. Who pays for that? My AH used rehab as a manipulation tool against me, after he spent $26,000 that is.

I need to see a doctor, but I can't afford to. Does anyone care? Nope. I have two teeth bothering me, but I can't afford to see a dentist. Does anyone care? Nope. Neither one of those issues are self induced, and I'm not doing anything to make the issues worse. Yet there is no one out there getting upset over the fact that there is no "free ride" for me.

There are 12 step meetings practically around every corner in the U.S. Multiple non profit institutions offer free rehabilitation to those willing to wait for an opening. Judges can send addicted criminals to rehab in every county in the country (that I'm aware of) on the tax payers dime.

Yet, it isn't enough. We're all supposed to be compassionate too. We're supposed to ignore the fact that many addicts and alcoholics go right back to committing slow suicide no matter how much money we spend on them, no matter how many times we give them a "second chance".

Life is tough, and it's even tougher when you refuse to stay sober and continue to destroy your body and mind with drugs and alcohol. I'm flat out of sympathy.

kiki5711

Hey StillWaters,

I agree with you. We can't just become a bleeding heart for one group of people and especially for those that don't show a will power to change. Pretty much if you get cancer or diabetes you get help or die. It takes more then just get medical care when you're an addict. Being an addict is not only a physical disease but a mental as well. If it was only physical, we could just take some medication and try to heal it, but medication is only a jump start. The rest is all a matter of persons mental state of mind.

We will never fix the whole world and all the problems we grow up with. There is no cure for that. It's called "dealing with life". I've had my share of years dealing with life through alcohol, drugs, and whatnot, and I'm still learning.

Addict don't deserve any more attention than the rest. I'm speaking from addict/alcoholic years of experience myself.

Kindeyes

Remember the old saying "Opinions are like elbows....everybody has 'em" (ok I changed the body part but you get what I'm saying;-)

I don't want to accept someone elses opinion as a truth but I do accept it as their opinion. Right wrong or otherwise, they have the right to their opinion......even if it's wrong. lol

Just as there are some people I won't discuss politics with, there are people who I wouldn't discuss addiction with.....they wouldn't get it. Their opinion would be based on Jay Leno's nightly jokes about Lindsay Lohan. Not the most experienced or educated basis for opinion......but it's all they have.....that and the nightly news.

This is where that wonderful saying from Alanon and Naranon comes in......take what you need and leave the rest. People who have opinions that are not based on fact or experience or education may say things that are offensive......best not to get into a discussion on that topic with them.

And God forbid.....I hope they never have to learn the hard way.

gentle hugs

keepinon

I only recntly was able to say (in my head of course.)alcoholic/drug addict without putting the fw word in front of it. I had such disdain and contempt until...my darling little muffin went from everyones favorite kid to a drug addict of the worst degree. Kinda changed my world view. I was ashamed to tell people.. afraid of their reactions..well guess what? Most people are a lot kinder than I am and have some kind of addiction in their family. Probably 90% of people have been nothing but supportive.. its just that the 10% sticks with me. My fears and own prejudices were by far worse than others..have been eating humble pie for a while now.actually getting quite fat on it and would love to stop! There is a buddhist saying" Be humiliated enough..find humility" Found it!!! Sorry for all the peole I have hurt in my life with my judgements and thoughtless comments and ESPECIALLY advice!

infiniti

I agree with this comment.

When I hear people putting down others for addictions or any other reason, I will at first get irritated but then tell myself that they themselves are unhappy and it's only by the grace of God that they didn't fall victim to an addiction that made their pain easier to bear. However, what they have taken on is a closed-minded and judgmental view of others in order to elevate themselves and feel better.

I'm fortunate that I have people around me who are understanding of addiction and don't cast aspersions against my XRABF. His mother, my mother, certain friends, co-workers - they are all very understanding of the problem of addiction and how it can wreak havoc upon a person's life. It stems from one bad choice (the decision to use in the first place) and grows from there into an addiction for many.

I can't say enough about how proud I am of my XRABF for the place he's in now - full recovery, full devotion and involvement with NA, working, saving money to begin his life on his own again. He's made terrific strides in one year and I am just bursting with happiness for him.

So I don't care what others say or may think of him. He's recovering from a disease, plain and simple, and I don't judge him nor do I allow others into my life who may.

He is and has been a gift to me in so many ways. He's caused me to become more open-minded and less judgmental. He's introduced me to acceptance and tolerance. He has shown me that I have work to do on myself as well.
:day6

Babyblue

Ignorance is rampant about addiction. Assumptions are made about the addict that sometimes are not at all true. I have lots of empathy because I went through a very challenging and unhealthy time in my life and although it wasn't associated with substance abuse (a mental health issue) there was so much misinformation about my problem and I felt completely alone.

I agree that the addict makes choices that are unhealthy and I too also get 'compassion fatigue' for the addict in my life but then I remember who he was before this stuff took hold. It is insidious. If someone really wants help and wants to get well, they should be supported. Yes treating addicts is expensive in terms of medical treatment but that is nothing in comparison to the health costs placed on society of addicts who do NOT go into treatment. It is exponentially far greater. We actually save money by getting an addict into treatment then if we just let them fall by the wayside. If not, then the courts are bogged down, hospital emergency rooms etc. etc. Not to mention the cost of collateral damage to families (kids need services etc). So we actually SAVE money if we get them into treatment.

Still Waters

Preventative medicine would save us a LOT of money in the long run also. But, that said, it's not available for free. The collateral damage to families who lose a parent due to lack of medical care is huge, but you can't walk down the street and find a meeting for it can you?

They are. With millions of meetings, millions of donated dollars, billions in tax money, and further millions in research. What other "disease" gets that attention? None.

kiki5711

Everyone thinks their disease deserves the most attention.

Well let's see. I'm an alcoholic, I've been through 2 cancers, I'm also a participant in therapy for co-dependancy, I have a problem sleeping.

Which one should I march for?

I also have a stepson with Aspergers and his mother thinks the "whole" world needs to revolve around him cause of his disability. To hell with the rest of us and our problems, we should all focus on him.

I can understand people taking it so personally and being defensive about it. To me it's like everything else. A learning process in life, and everyone is learning at their own pace. A couple years ago, I would have said something else. But today it's different. been through much since then.

Chino

Quite a few, I learned, after looking at the NIH's funding table.

smith2b555

Lots of people neglect their health and teeth because they can't afford it. If it's a real medical emergency or your teeth hurt so bad you could not stand it you would find a way to get help even if nobody cares. You are responsible for you. An addict cannot be responsible for themselves, they do need help. More importantly they need the help for their family's sake. Children of addicts need their parents to get that help. People do care about that. Addicts affect more lives than your tooth ache. I think you are a little out of touch with cost anyways. My AH treatments cost him $400 a month. Not everyone pays nothing for help. I think every addict deserves help and I say that because I have lived with one for years and they can not quit without it. There is a bigger picture to it than money. If you help a father quit his daughter may never start.

Still Waters

No, an addict chose to pick it up. Period. An addict knows they can stop because they know other addicts have. I do not believe that addicts live in a vacuum of information where they are unaware that other addicts have successfully kicked the habit. And, addicts have and can kick the habit without expensive rehab too!

And addict is responsible for themselves, just as I am responsible for myself. Plain and simple.

kiki5711

When I was in rehab, I met several people that were there for their 3rd, 4th, 7th time. Some were truly in some hopeless life situation and just couldn't see light of day and I truly felt sorry cause if I was them, I don't know if I could quit either.

Some were there over and over again, what I felt, just as a cop out. Time out. Hang out. This situation was coming mostly from the younger generation. The older alcoholics and those truly tired of it were looking for treatment, not just an excuse to come back another time.

Addiction is one of those diseases that can be overcome if one truly desires it. I could not overcome colon cancer just by changing my diet or willing it gone. I had to have surgery or die. However, I could stop drinking, but I just didn't want to. Lying/cheating/stealing/violence which comes hand in hand many times with alcohol and/or drugs/ is not a disease in the same manner and can be stopped by changing our behavior.. We just have to come to that point to want to change.

kiki5711

lmao