Kjell

I’m having to change who I am to stay sober. That’s the bottom line. I think it’s as simple as that.

I’m doing that through AA b/c I needed a design for living. My “way” didn’t work as towards the end of my drinking career, I found myself pretty messed up all the way around (mentally, physically, spiritually, work related, relationships with others, the law, financially, etc...).

I wanted to post this to see what your experience of getting and staying sober was like (is like).

Are you having to change who you are to remain sober?

SSIL75

I don't feel that I'm changing who I am as much as I am uncovering who I am. If that makes sense.

Anna

I think that I had change almost everything about myself.

At the time, I thought of the title of Mia Farrow's book "What Falls Away". I hadn't really understood the title, until I hit bottom. And, then I realized that what falls away, was everything about myself that was untrue or that I no longer needed. What was left was the bare bones of 'me' and the journey of rebuilding myself.

NEOMARXIST

What keeps me gratefully sober on a daily basis is that I am a totally different person to what I was 14+ months ago. I am ever changing and it's a truly fantastic feeling and lived experience.

I think totally different to how I used to, my whole attitude has changed about life, myself, other people and the universe in general. I have changed quite profoundly and I know this is what has kept me gratefully sober.

Spirituality, serenity, peace of mind, gratitude, resentments et al. were terms I had vaguely heard of, let alone conceived of applying them into my daily life and thought processes.

It's great to have a program for living and has made my ability to lead a contented and serene existence a daily reality. I thank AA, SR + much wisdom from elsewhere, for giving me this oppurtunity. I had to truly want to get sober for purely getting sober and no other reasons before I stood a chance though.

Peace

ohiogrown1984

i feel like alcohol made me in to somebody i dnt like and feel like the only way to get better is to change who i em im not a bad person when sober but that first drink im that person again that i hate i know when sober i dnt want to be around sumbody thats like me when i drink no matter what i do im a loser when i drink change is always good if its for the better

leo21

I'm working on getting the "old me" back. I don't like the newer version from the past five years of drinking. I've met the old leo a few times in the mirror recently and beginning to like what I see. Maybe I should call it the "original me" - Leo1.0

The old me was the drinking me that was broken. Each day the original Leo springs up a piece at a time.

jamdls

That's how I felt as well. I had no idea who I was w/o alcohol and I rather like the person I found underneath the haze.

Fandy

I remember what I used to be like before i let alcohol and related depression take over my head and my body....I feel a lot more like my "old" self these days too...but wiser and much much more patient.

Life doesn't magically become perfect for me, but I like sober, sane Fandy much better than depressed drunk Fandy....and I did have to change both my mindset and physical routine.

it doesn't happen overnight, but a little bit at a time, good ideas have surfaced and I am pleased with my progress...and i know that I am happier and much more peaceful inside my head.

DayTrader

Heh...... I remember when that sunk in.....really sunk IN...that virtually everything had to either go or be revamped. Like you hear at meetings: "I asked them what I had to change......and they said...evvvvvverything."

Thankfully, we have 6 and 7..... WE don't do the changing (well, we don't do ALL of it anyway...). Sometimes, even being willing to change is a B***, ya know? The cool thing is, sometimes when we're all intent on working on changing x, or y or z...... we suddenly "come to" and notice that problems a, b, c, d, e, k, n, o, t and v were taken away.....and we didn't even realize it when it happened.

How frickin cool is that???!!!

Love reading your posts Kjell.....nice to see the continual awakenings!!!

yeahgr8

It took me a while to realise that the person that could stay sober and have a happy life was not the me before drinking really kicked off and that i needed to change everything and start again on a brand new journey as a brand new person...this IMO is a big trap for alot of alchies/addicts trying to get sober...

flutter

I had to change my entire life.. but what I found was that the drunk "me", wasn't the real me.. so it was more of a going back to who I REALLY am, than changing who I am. If that makes sense lol..

loveon2legs

No not all. I just had to change my behaviours....the real me was locked up inside of the bottle! I love who I am now!!! the real me!!!

aasharon90

Im a work in progress.

A little dark haired girl
who never wished to hurt
anyone. Just needed and
wanted to be loved and
understood.

Abuse hurts no matter
what form it comes in
and destroyes self-esteem,
self-worth replacing it
with fear, resentments,
hatred.

A little girl with bad acme
and buck teeth that no school
mate wanted to call a friend.

A mother, brother and sister
whom i wanted to be close to
and call family turned against
me.

No wonder I drank like I did
just to numb the "crap" I put
up with.

I never wanted to change that
innocent little girl inside, however
alcohol allowed me to rebell in
my own way.

Music, men, lieing, stealing,
manipulating.

Recovery has changed me from
an ugly duckling to a lovely swan
as my husband sees me.

It's not the outward appearance
i look at all the time but what
lies inside.

The child I was born as to the
adult I have become and still
becoming......

A helpful, kind, human being
call to service in recovery.

Kjell

I also want to add that this change - this changing into a new person...well...it's been VERY painful and awkward for me (and a bit funny at times too).

How about you?

Kablume

Alcohol was who I was since I was 13. I quit when I was 50. So now without the alcohol, I feel like the new me is emerging. It has been a lot of work and yes, very painful at times. To think that more will be revealed is just amazing.

Thanks for your posts Kjell. They make me stop and think.

Kjell

I really like that Sharon - hits home.

DayTrader

LOL...... it seems like most of the really good changes came as the result of going through Hell. Reminds me of a saying: If you're going through hell, keep going!

Most of our beliefs, our thought patterns, our traditional tools for handling life.... they were built up, altered and "perfected" over many many years. They don't die easily or quickly and......even when that's possible, our stupid ego's don't want to let of of them. Even when we ARE willing to let go, it's not uncommon to just be plain-old afraid to let go....so we hang on....and hurt more....till we can't take the pain anymore and we finally jump in with both feet.

My experience has been that I've hit a bunch of bottoms with a bunch of things in my life......IN recovery.......IN sobriety. My first Step 1 was really just letting go of alcohol and drugs but I didn't let go of everything - naturally.....who would?? --unless you find you HAVE to. And boy oh boy....do we ever HAVE to...but that comes with time. I'm sure I'm holding onto something right now that I'm just not awake to.....yet.


All of those painful growth spurts were worth it though and I'm getting better at letting go sooner..... I'm learning how to say "ouch" faster. ...and that's pretty cool.

and funny??? heh...... I've had some laughing spells (usually laughing at myself or laughing at something God was showing me that I fiiiiiinally clued into) that would rival some of those drunken laughing sessions I used to have.

Harry01854

Oh yes, making changes. For this alcoholic, I didn't like making changes back then and still this day, I do not like making changes. Because I learned the hard way, that making changes are good for me at times, I do make the changes that are good for me if it involves me living a better life.

I once had made all the outside changes, and still got drunk. Then one day I had heard it loud and clear. What changes do I have to make of myself? and the answer was "everything!" And what a large order that was and I wasn't sure I could do it.

I created my own monster at a young age, so I was who I was. So I did have to change the person I was into the person I am today. For this, I thank AA (fellowship) and the 12 Step program. But most of all, I thank my Higher Power for doing all of those things for me that I couldn't do for myself.

Thank you for this thread. Hopefully it will help a lot of those who are struggling.

Harry

SweetCityWoman

Hey Kjell - I am really struggling with exactly what you are describing. I am 34 days and still very new trying AA and this week felt I was losing myself and that in order to be part of AA people were making this their lives. Yes, there are parts of my life that were not good due to the drinking and I lost myself somewhere along the way. But I have a life in the real world and am thinking about how to blend this with my AA experience. I am not even into the steps but I have a good job which felt like it collided with AA (not time issues) but who I was felt compartmentalized and I felt really alone in my meeting yesterday. I do want to build AA into my support system but I do not want to totally change who I am (other than the drinking ofcourse). I have build a good life and this is my reality. So how do I blend this with AA?? Also, I am not a religious person but am very open to letting meetings flow over me and for me to fit it into my skin.

I do tend to overthink things esp. when I am feeling anxious like what happened to me yesterday. Today I went to a meeting and was able to feel more open again. But I too feel awkward at some of the shifts I noticed happening following the AA rituals. Is this me? Do I want it to be me and how does it fit into "me"?? I do want the support from AA and realize the value and importance of this to my one goal - remaining sober. So great question and I am also looking for how others experience this.

least

My way of thinking had to change so that I could change my attitude and behavior. I don't consider it so much 'changing' who I am as it is 'polishing' who I am to shine brighter, so to speak.