Finally there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 18
Finally there.
I have never visited this forum before. I never really thought that I needed to. However, this weekend I realized that I have been on a string of destructive behavior that seems to always involve alcohol.
I am not sure that I am an alcoholic. I do know, however, that everytime that I drink I have overwhelming guilt about doing it. I usually only drink on the weekends, and there is a very social aspect to it. I also know that when I am in the "heat of the moment" I do not stop. I know how bad I will feel the next day and everything and I just don't do it.
So--I am on day #2 of a vicious hangover. Sort of feel like I got run over by a bus. Didn't do much yesterday but lay around, slept all night and feel like I could go back to bed. The guilt is overwhelming.
I have decided that I have got to put an end to this cycle. I can no longer do this to myself. I spoke with my husband and he agrees that the two of us need to find a form of less destructive behavior. So--here I sit praying to God to help me make it through this and wishing that my body felt better.
I am 2 days sober and I plan to have many, many more.
I am not sure that I am an alcoholic. I do know, however, that everytime that I drink I have overwhelming guilt about doing it. I usually only drink on the weekends, and there is a very social aspect to it. I also know that when I am in the "heat of the moment" I do not stop. I know how bad I will feel the next day and everything and I just don't do it.
So--I am on day #2 of a vicious hangover. Sort of feel like I got run over by a bus. Didn't do much yesterday but lay around, slept all night and feel like I could go back to bed. The guilt is overwhelming.
I have decided that I have got to put an end to this cycle. I can no longer do this to myself. I spoke with my husband and he agrees that the two of us need to find a form of less destructive behavior. So--here I sit praying to God to help me make it through this and wishing that my body felt better.
I am 2 days sober and I plan to have many, many more.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: washington
Posts: 78
Welcome to SR. You will get lots of support here. I have been there as well, the guilt and disappointment in myself became unbearable. I was spending so much time thinking about alcohol that I had no time for the good things in my life.
It does get easier!
It does get easier!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 18
Finally there
Thank you so much for your response. I just feel so horrible right now. It is insane. I have spent a long time wondering if there is anybody out there like me...The funny thing is--I don't even like to drink. I'm not sure what sets off this chain reaction that always spirals into this. I am glad that I found this forum. I think that it is just what I need.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,413
Welcome to SR... you will love this community.
There are many people out there like yourself, so you are not alone. It is great that you and your husband are looking at spending your time differently -- noting comes good from drinking, especially in excess. It will help you because you husband is on the same "page". Support is important.
As for you being an alcoholic... I don't know the answer to that, however, what I do know is that I, too, started out drinking only on weekends. Then thought, oh, I will drink on Wednesday to break up the week and before I knew it I was drinking everyday of the week. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and the sooner you stop drinking the easier it will be -- my opinion.
I hope you stick around SR, so I can get to know you. As for today, rest, lots of water, vitamins, and try to eat something.
Good luck on your journey.
There are many people out there like yourself, so you are not alone. It is great that you and your husband are looking at spending your time differently -- noting comes good from drinking, especially in excess. It will help you because you husband is on the same "page". Support is important.
As for you being an alcoholic... I don't know the answer to that, however, what I do know is that I, too, started out drinking only on weekends. Then thought, oh, I will drink on Wednesday to break up the week and before I knew it I was drinking everyday of the week. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and the sooner you stop drinking the easier it will be -- my opinion.
I hope you stick around SR, so I can get to know you. As for today, rest, lots of water, vitamins, and try to eat something.
Good luck on your journey.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 18
Thank you ,thank you. I have spent countless hours wondering if I am the only wife and mother in the world that does this to themselves. I am glad to know that there are others.
As for the alcoholic part--I have really only ever been a "weekend" drinker. Sure, hubby and I would have the occasional glass of wine with dinner, but rarely. I don't have cravings for alcohol. He and I both seem to over imbibe on the weekend. (Usually only 1 night because we feel so bad after). I do know that I feel guilty about drinking and that is a huge issue for me. I think that a lot of the reason that I feel so bad physically is because of the mental anguish that I go through. It is just not worth it to me.
I just got off of the phone with my mom. She has always been a huge support for me. I told her everything. (very hard as I hate to "let her down") We had a great talk--2 hours on the phone. I am committed to turning my life around. I think that I have to begin by eliminating the negative things/influences and start adding a lot more positive back into my life.
I have taken vitamins and have been drinking lots. I did manage to eat some ice cream and so far, it has stayed put. I still feel like total and complete crap and I'm beginning to have some of the "what-if" thoughts that come along with anxiety. I hope that I haven't done lasting harm to my body and I hope that I never forget what this feels like. I don't want to do it again.
As for the alcoholic part--I have really only ever been a "weekend" drinker. Sure, hubby and I would have the occasional glass of wine with dinner, but rarely. I don't have cravings for alcohol. He and I both seem to over imbibe on the weekend. (Usually only 1 night because we feel so bad after). I do know that I feel guilty about drinking and that is a huge issue for me. I think that a lot of the reason that I feel so bad physically is because of the mental anguish that I go through. It is just not worth it to me.
I just got off of the phone with my mom. She has always been a huge support for me. I told her everything. (very hard as I hate to "let her down") We had a great talk--2 hours on the phone. I am committed to turning my life around. I think that I have to begin by eliminating the negative things/influences and start adding a lot more positive back into my life.
I have taken vitamins and have been drinking lots. I did manage to eat some ice cream and so far, it has stayed put. I still feel like total and complete crap and I'm beginning to have some of the "what-if" thoughts that come along with anxiety. I hope that I haven't done lasting harm to my body and I hope that I never forget what this feels like. I don't want to do it again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Up, Up and Away
Posts: 434
Welcome to SR. You will meet many people here who have been where you are and others who, like you, are just starting a sober life.
Read the stories of those who have stopped drinking, and please ask questions if you have them. Also, you might want to join the September group. I found that talking to others who were sharing my journey was a great help. Here's a link to the Sept. group.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-2010-a.html
Again, welcome and best wishes!
Read the stories of those who have stopped drinking, and please ask questions if you have them. Also, you might want to join the September group. I found that talking to others who were sharing my journey was a great help. Here's a link to the Sept. group.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-2010-a.html
Again, welcome and best wishes!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Welcome puttinganendtoit 
I think in the early days we can put too much emphasis on labels - whether you're an alcoholic or not, your drinking is obviously causing you problems and that's what you need to address right now.
You'll find a lot of support here
Hope to see you round some more
D
I think in the early days we can put too much emphasis on labels - whether you're an alcoholic or not, your drinking is obviously causing you problems and that's what you need to address right now.
You'll find a lot of support here
Hope to see you round some more
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 18
D-
You are absolutely right. It doesn't matter what you call it, it is a problem. Best to start working to fix it now, before it really gets out of hand.
I have enjoyed reading the posts here today. I am feeling a bit better and am starting to let go of some of the guilt and focus on the task at hand. Plan to have a long talk with my hubby tonight--
Thank you all so very much. I will be back soon & often.
You are absolutely right. It doesn't matter what you call it, it is a problem. Best to start working to fix it now, before it really gets out of hand.
I have enjoyed reading the posts here today. I am feeling a bit better and am starting to let go of some of the guilt and focus on the task at hand. Plan to have a long talk with my hubby tonight--
Thank you all so very much. I will be back soon & often.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Welcome and I am glad you found us!
I also felt horribly guilty after drinking too. And, yeah, I am a wife and mother as well. My drinking began as self-medicating as my control-freak issues grew. I have never experienced the level of shame that I felt when I let my family down. You are very lucky to have your mother's support.
I hope you keep reading and posting.
I also felt horribly guilty after drinking too. And, yeah, I am a wife and mother as well. My drinking began as self-medicating as my control-freak issues grew. I have never experienced the level of shame that I felt when I let my family down. You are very lucky to have your mother's support.
I hope you keep reading and posting.
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