Just some thoughts about where I am at.
Just some thoughts about where I am at.
I have been separated from AH just over a month and do not have any intentions of reuiniting with him. ... so here is where I am now
I grieve for the loss of my marriage but I do not miss that man
I hurt for the shattered dreams but I embrace the absence of drama
I question the things I have done but I no longer analyse the things he has said or done
I forgive myself for reacting to his behaviour and I forgive him for being an alcoholic
I take each day as it comes and I deal with each wave of emotion on its own merit
I still feel frightened of the future but I remember that there are worse things than being alone
I do things for me
I do not expect to be happy - yet sometimes happiness drops by for a while. The rest of the time I move between sadness and serenity.
I am starting to gain a concept of a higher power though I have been an atheist for years - but I keep finding myself saying lines from here to myself when my mind starts down a train of thought that leads me to AH.
I grieve for the loss of my marriage but I do not miss that man
I hurt for the shattered dreams but I embrace the absence of drama
I question the things I have done but I no longer analyse the things he has said or done
I forgive myself for reacting to his behaviour and I forgive him for being an alcoholic
I take each day as it comes and I deal with each wave of emotion on its own merit
I still feel frightened of the future but I remember that there are worse things than being alone
I do things for me
I do not expect to be happy - yet sometimes happiness drops by for a while. The rest of the time I move between sadness and serenity.
I am starting to gain a concept of a higher power though I have been an atheist for years - but I keep finding myself saying lines from here to myself when my mind starts down a train of thought that leads me to AH.
it sounds like you are making great progress and i am thankful that you shared that. It is helpful for me to see the words. I am about to embark down the same road and i am already mourning hte loss of my long term marriage but excited to live in peace and with only myself to worry about. you are a great power of example to me and i thank you for that!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 12
Thank you for the post. I will print them and keep them on my fridge. The time comes when we stop feeling less hurt and feeling more peace in our hearts. I do too move between serenity and sadness, but now most of the pain is gone. There is more acceptance to the fact that my other half and I never had a chance because of her drug of choice (prescribed or not). She is 90 days sober and wish the best to her. I wish her well. Life goes on.
I cried today and I don't really even know why. I wasn't because I miss him or because I want him back in my life. Maybe its relief, maybe its just that my eyes needed cleaning. Mostly I think its fear. I am still scared of what is out there for my future but thats not as scary as where the future was heading for me and my children if I stayed in that relationship.
it sounds like you are making great progress and i am thankful that you shared that. It is helpful for me to see the words. I am about to embark down the same road and i am already mourning hte loss of my long term marriage but excited to live in peace and with only myself to worry about. you are a great power of example to me and i thank you for that!
aah FEAR of the unknown...but that is all good in my books..you know why? because I can change that FEAR into a comfortable LIFE for ME and my children....LET GO AND LET GOD...and TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME...please go and read my blogs on the SLOGANS of AL ANON...and of course the SERINITY PRAYER is there too...( I slowly add the slogans into my blog..)
enjoy them...read them...
P.S the feelings you have...are all NORMAL...
enjoy them...read them...
P.S the feelings you have...are all NORMAL...
the serenity prayer is becoming a ritual for me now! i find myself crying here and there, but in a cleansing sorta way, right now....it feels okay, though sad, it is my release from the chains i've put on myself....oh, i just can't wait to be free! thank you for being ahead of me....it is such help, you have no idea!
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