Just cant live a lie!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Calgary,Alberta
Posts: 1
Just cant live a lie!
Hi, my name is Greg Almon. I'd like to make an confession here.
I lead a pretty normal life like everybody else on the surface but inside i was tortured with guilt and regrets.I know people here probably have more serious problems to worry about but i feel like this is the only place where i wont be judged cause we are going through the same thing in some way. In my case, lying is the drug i'm addicted to.
For the past 2 years my life is nothing but a lie, a sophisticated lie i weaved so well and got caught up in it... I know i probably have been labeled as an excessively chronic pathological liar...But this is not a joke. It took me a long time to realize that maybe i have a problem, in the processing of hurting lots of people. I've paid my price.My marriage fell apart and i wont be able to see my son grow as much as i wanted to and i have left behind girls that are heart broken and resentful.It's more than just my life that i've ruined...
It all started as a small lie, like i would tell a girl i met at the bar that i'm single so that i could have sex with her, while my wife was pregnant.There was also small lies that i made up for my nonexsist army life and other experience that i made up..I had seen those lies made me more attractive and got me more sex and i guess i got addicted to it since then. I kept telling myself they were the one time off thing and would never happen again...My marriage was on rocks and I took a job as strength coach in China to get away. My lying continued and got even worse there. In there i was a free man again, well almost if not for the fact that legally i was still married. I took off the wedding band and went single.I've weaved incredible webs of lies and created many characters where i had those whole different lives and they believed me.It gave me the highs i dont why.But everytime a girl found out which they always did,i saw in their eyes the shock and the disgust like i just turned an horrible animal overnight, i felt the guilt...and in the back of my mind i alway felt that little shadowy guit torwards my wife and our baby boy i left behind to persue a new bachelor life which was a lie i later realized.I'm not a bad person but i have lived a lie.Before i knew it, my lying had went from complusive to habitual cause everytime a lie is out i had to make up more to back up that one.I have fooled them and i have fooled even myself.
I'm seeing a therapist now and thought i would use this as a supplement step to recovery.It is pretty much my pethetic life in a nut shell that you've read...If you are gonna tell me to **** off then please dont even bother replying...I've got enough of that.I'm not coming here to ask any mercy nor judgement.
Thanks,
Greg
I lead a pretty normal life like everybody else on the surface but inside i was tortured with guilt and regrets.I know people here probably have more serious problems to worry about but i feel like this is the only place where i wont be judged cause we are going through the same thing in some way. In my case, lying is the drug i'm addicted to.
For the past 2 years my life is nothing but a lie, a sophisticated lie i weaved so well and got caught up in it... I know i probably have been labeled as an excessively chronic pathological liar...But this is not a joke. It took me a long time to realize that maybe i have a problem, in the processing of hurting lots of people. I've paid my price.My marriage fell apart and i wont be able to see my son grow as much as i wanted to and i have left behind girls that are heart broken and resentful.It's more than just my life that i've ruined...
It all started as a small lie, like i would tell a girl i met at the bar that i'm single so that i could have sex with her, while my wife was pregnant.There was also small lies that i made up for my nonexsist army life and other experience that i made up..I had seen those lies made me more attractive and got me more sex and i guess i got addicted to it since then. I kept telling myself they were the one time off thing and would never happen again...My marriage was on rocks and I took a job as strength coach in China to get away. My lying continued and got even worse there. In there i was a free man again, well almost if not for the fact that legally i was still married. I took off the wedding band and went single.I've weaved incredible webs of lies and created many characters where i had those whole different lives and they believed me.It gave me the highs i dont why.But everytime a girl found out which they always did,i saw in their eyes the shock and the disgust like i just turned an horrible animal overnight, i felt the guilt...and in the back of my mind i alway felt that little shadowy guit torwards my wife and our baby boy i left behind to persue a new bachelor life which was a lie i later realized.I'm not a bad person but i have lived a lie.Before i knew it, my lying had went from complusive to habitual cause everytime a lie is out i had to make up more to back up that one.I have fooled them and i have fooled even myself.
I'm seeing a therapist now and thought i would use this as a supplement step to recovery.It is pretty much my pethetic life in a nut shell that you've read...If you are gonna tell me to **** off then please dont even bother replying...I've got enough of that.I'm not coming here to ask any mercy nor judgement.
Thanks,
Greg
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
I've told so many lies in the past regarding my addiction that I actually believed some of them for awhile. Being an addict also turned me into a class A liar and I could make them up on the spot if it would be of benefit to me. It's a horrible cycle and good for you for going for help with it now. It came at a high cost, you've lost your family - or lost it in the sense it was - but you can't change what's happened.
You can however, get help and move on to be a better person and not have to continue in the lie you were in. You might see with time that you actually LIKE being Greg, the real Greg, not the one you created.
good luck!
You can however, get help and move on to be a better person and not have to continue in the lie you were in. You might see with time that you actually LIKE being Greg, the real Greg, not the one you created.
good luck!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, Greg,
I'm glad you realize how harmful the lies are to you and to others in your life, and that you are doing something about it. I don't know if you have an alcohol or drug problem, because often lying accompanies those addictions, but some people just have the lying problem alone.
There is a mental health forum here that you might want to check out.
Good luck with your recovery!
I'm glad you realize how harmful the lies are to you and to others in your life, and that you are doing something about it. I don't know if you have an alcohol or drug problem, because often lying accompanies those addictions, but some people just have the lying problem alone.
There is a mental health forum here that you might want to check out.
Good luck with your recovery!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Between Serenity and Despair
Posts: 522
Welcome, Greg.
I am an alcoholic, and I used to lie a lot when I was drunk. I would lie when I didn't even need to do it. I lied for the fun of it, because I was convincing and a good storyteller. I lied to get what I wanted out of situations, to get attention I thought I deserved. Later, I lied to myself about my alcoholism and how bad it had gotten. The problem was, I never believed my own lies.
Anyway, I'm glad you're trying to make a change in your life. I hope you find what you're looking for here at SR.
I am an alcoholic, and I used to lie a lot when I was drunk. I would lie when I didn't even need to do it. I lied for the fun of it, because I was convincing and a good storyteller. I lied to get what I wanted out of situations, to get attention I thought I deserved. Later, I lied to myself about my alcoholism and how bad it had gotten. The problem was, I never believed my own lies.
Anyway, I'm glad you're trying to make a change in your life. I hope you find what you're looking for here at SR.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Lowell
Posts: 345
Well Greg as you can see, nobody here is going to tell you to go away. Many of us that are alcoholics and/or addicts can identify with you anyway. We had become good liars ourselves to get what we wanted in anyway we could. Lying was one of my good defects that worked out a lot. But, as you know, I had to tell a lie to cover up for a lie I told earlier and so forth. Eventually I got caught because a lot of times I forget what the original lie was that started the rest of the lying. And yes, there were times I guess I lied so good that I believed the lie myself. I would have to say that believing it myself helped me to be more convincing to other people.
Glad you are seeking help and the biggest thing is, you know what your problem is and you can admit to it and you also see how your life has become unmanageble because of your lying.
What your doing for yourself right now is the right thing. And that's no lie. Just had to throw that in there.
Harry
Glad you are seeking help and the biggest thing is, you know what your problem is and you can admit to it and you also see how your life has become unmanageble because of your lying.
What your doing for yourself right now is the right thing. And that's no lie. Just had to throw that in there.
Harry
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
There is a program dedicated to behavior modification
you might find useful......I
SMART RecoveryŽ | Self Help for Alcoholism & Addiction
Seeing a professional is a wise idea too.
hope you find answers that will improve your life.
Welcome.....
you might find useful......I
SMART RecoveryŽ | Self Help for Alcoholism & Addiction
Seeing a professional is a wise idea too.
hope you find answers that will improve your life.
Welcome.....
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,475
Hi Greg,
I think it's great that you are seeking support and that you see what you have been doing in your life.
I started lying when I was about 5 years old in a desperate attempt to save myself. I grew up in chaos and lying became the only way to deal. As an adult, I still continued to lie about inconsequential things. I realized that it had become a habit, and I knew that if I was going to recover, then honesty would be crucial.
You are not a bad person. You can learn to like/love the person you are and to live a life with the drama of lies. I'm glad you found us.
I think it's great that you are seeking support and that you see what you have been doing in your life.
I started lying when I was about 5 years old in a desperate attempt to save myself. I grew up in chaos and lying became the only way to deal. As an adult, I still continued to lie about inconsequential things. I realized that it had become a habit, and I knew that if I was going to recover, then honesty would be crucial.
You are not a bad person. You can learn to like/love the person you are and to live a life with the drama of lies. I'm glad you found us.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hey Greg,
It's funny how when we we're drinking, that we thought if we denied the truth or fabricated an untruth, that it was actually real.
One ridiculous instance comes to mind. I took a lady to lunch one day, during which we drank three botttles of wine. On the way to my brothers house, I stopped for ice cream to get rid of the wine breath. I arrived at my brother's house early, and it was locked, so I sat down on his porch swing and fell asleep. He arrived a couple hours late, woke me up, and asked me if I'd been drinking? I said no, what makes you think that? Well he asked, why do you have ice cream all over the front of your shirt? We still laugh about that till this day.
I always thought if I denied my drinking, then everyone would be fooled. Well, I only succeeded in fooling myself.
Welcome to SR. We all know how it is when you live a life you have to lie about to keep living it. It's just tooo much work.
It's funny how when we we're drinking, that we thought if we denied the truth or fabricated an untruth, that it was actually real.
One ridiculous instance comes to mind. I took a lady to lunch one day, during which we drank three botttles of wine. On the way to my brothers house, I stopped for ice cream to get rid of the wine breath. I arrived at my brother's house early, and it was locked, so I sat down on his porch swing and fell asleep. He arrived a couple hours late, woke me up, and asked me if I'd been drinking? I said no, what makes you think that? Well he asked, why do you have ice cream all over the front of your shirt? We still laugh about that till this day.
I always thought if I denied my drinking, then everyone would be fooled. Well, I only succeeded in fooling myself.
Welcome to SR. We all know how it is when you live a life you have to lie about to keep living it. It's just tooo much work.
Striving to be a better Man!
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 266
Welcome to sr. We all can relate to the dishonesty factor that comes with addiction. A big thing is being honest with yourself, which you are. Sounds like maybe some sex addiction is going on as well and we all have lied to get our "fix" whether it was pills, street drugs, alcohol or yes sex.
I'm glad you are reaching out for help.
I'm glad you are reaching out for help.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome to SR you have our support!
I spent many years creating lies to cover my alcoholism....then creating more lies to cover the endless nights of conversations and so forth that I didn't remember. Once that bottle hit my lips....I lost myself completely and made so many promises and hurt so many people. I lost so much myself due to my addiction and all the lying that goes with it.
I found in recovery that support is key and counseling for me was highly beneficial. I am relearning to live again and that a positive lifestyle is possible.
I wish you well and there is no judging here. Keep sharing and get some face to face support going.
I spent many years creating lies to cover my alcoholism....then creating more lies to cover the endless nights of conversations and so forth that I didn't remember. Once that bottle hit my lips....I lost myself completely and made so many promises and hurt so many people. I lost so much myself due to my addiction and all the lying that goes with it.
I found in recovery that support is key and counseling for me was highly beneficial. I am relearning to live again and that a positive lifestyle is possible.
I wish you well and there is no judging here. Keep sharing and get some face to face support going.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
Hi Greg
Welcome
Like Anna I began lying as a small child - partly as defense and out of fear...partly to either deflect attention or attract it.
I became addicted to the drama too I think - then, when I started drinking, lying pretty much became a way of life.
One of the best things about being sober and really working on myself is I stopped lying. I'm confident enough in myself & my choices now to let them stand.
It's a great gift
I wish you the best in your journey too Greg
D
Welcome
Like Anna I began lying as a small child - partly as defense and out of fear...partly to either deflect attention or attract it.
I became addicted to the drama too I think - then, when I started drinking, lying pretty much became a way of life.
One of the best things about being sober and really working on myself is I stopped lying. I'm confident enough in myself & my choices now to let them stand.
It's a great gift
I wish you the best in your journey too Greg
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome, Greg! I would think counseling would help a great deal. Have you looked into any help for sexual addiction? I know that once an addiction takes hold, it becomes a very compulsive thing and lying is definitely a part of trying to cover it up and/or getting what we think we want.
In the end, the pain of addiction and the havoc it creates in our lives overrides any temporary pleasure we might get. We can change, though, and I think you should be proud of yourself for seeking help. Good luck to you!!
In the end, the pain of addiction and the havoc it creates in our lives overrides any temporary pleasure we might get. We can change, though, and I think you should be proud of yourself for seeking help. Good luck to you!!
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