DesertEyes

My sponsor once suggested that I work each step backwards, as that would help me see the objective I was trying to accomplish with each one. So I did.

"Unmanageable" . To me that means that I am not getting what I want in life. In turn, my sponsor had me make a list of what it was I was not getting. A peaceful life. A spouse I trusted. A good nights sleep. A day where I could do _something_ for me instead of always running around taking care of her. That's what I did not have.

Well then, that became one of my goals in recovery.

"had become". This one is really important to me. It tells me that my life wasn't always chaos. At some point it changed from manageable to un-manageable.

So my next goal is to discover how and when that change happened.

"our lives". Right. It's my _life_ that was chaos. Not me. I _felt_ like I was going insane, but I wasn't. I was just having the normal reaction to an abnormal life. Huge relief for me.

"over alcohol". This was a complete change of mind-set for me. All along I though I was powerless over getting _her_ to change. This step told me that she was _not_ the problem. The _chemicals_ were the problem. If I toss a match on a pool of gasoline I am powerless over the explosion. I am not the HP, I cannot change the chemistry of the human brain.

"powerless". Right. I'm starting to get it. It's the alcohol I am powerless over. There's a whole lot of other things in my life that I _am_ able to change. But not this. I _want_ to change it, but it's a chemical, which has nothing to do with what I want or think.

"Admitted". This one little word is all about me. Me and my denial, and how I kept pretending that all was well in our marriage. I was _not_ admitting that we had problems, I was trying to force my "power" over the chemicals and hoping that somehow, someway, some kind of magic would happen.

"We". This is why working the steps backwards is so important to me. I had to recognize that I had been in denial ( see the word "Admitted" ) before I was willing to let others know that I needed help. There could not be a "we" in my recovery until I first let go of the denial.

For me, the short version of Step 1 is : "I need help". Amazing how long it took me to figure that out.

Now I have no problem asking for help. The amazing thing is not that so many people are willing to offer it, but that so many people trust me enough to ask me to help _them_. That alone has been a huge gift of recovery.

Mike

CatsPajamas

Mike,

Your sponsor is a wise person. What a wonderful and unique way to look at this step.

Ann

I love that concept too, Mike. Your sponsor is one smart cookie.

Hugs

Yngwie66

I haven't heard that one. I have heard this 'short' version of the first three steps which I like:
I can't.
He can.
Let Him.

:-)

Verbena

If I saw that posted on a wall, I'd have no idea what it meant. Unfortunately, I get it.

Onewithwings

I have seen the steps summarized as:
"Trust God"
"Clean House"
"Help Others"

I like that shortened version as well because it gets to what the program is about, besides just recovering from our addiction/alcoholism/codependency/etc. The program offers so much more than what we initially look into it for-- and we keep it by giving it away!

Desert Eyes, I think I will look at my steps this way from now on, as it helps me to see if anything is missing.

neonxpolkaxdots

Wow, thank you for posting this! I'm in a different 12 step program, same steps. I'm a recovering alcoholic and I'm going to use this suggestion when working that program too :]