SweetCityWoman

Hi Everyone - Wanted to let people know I have reached day 30 today!! Anyone who followed my first few weeks of sobriety know that I was scared to try AA and had many pre-conceived ideas as many people do who are new to AA. With the help and support of people here on SR I braved my first meeting a few weeks ago. Since then I have tried a number of different AA meetings around my area and found each one had a flavor of it's own. I am currently settling into going to 6 meetings a week and just got a sponsor last week.

I am only beginning to read about the steps but mostly AA for me has been coming out of isolation, sharing with people who have been there and done that and who are very accepting and welcoming esp. of newcomers. Not being a religious person I understand one thing - I must remain open to learning and experiencing something new. Don't close off anything or anyone who might help with my primary goal: remaining sober.

I get to meetings a bit early and say something at many of them - the groups encourage newcomers to share. Newcomers really have a special place in those rooms of people. I find that I stay after most meetings talking to a few people and usually end-up taking to one person and ask many questions. This helps me get my mind around where I am going - even though it is take one day at a time. But impt. for me is not to overthink things right now and just let the meetings "flow" over me and trust I am doing the right thing by being with people who have re-claimed lives from the grip of alcohol.

So I hope anyone reading this who began a new life around the time I did will give a call-out. It is the best feeling to know I am not alone on this journey and I love this forum because it has given me a chance to grow and share and meet new people who really "get it"! But I will never take my short time sober for granted because despite my best intentions this is a slippery slope. But if I slip I have a safety net to fall back on and that too is part of the journey - to share the great feeling of progress but also to get right back up if I do slip. So far steady as she goes and very proud!!

mama36

SCW - You are a wonderful person and give me great strength and encouragment. You have been so brave and strong and I for one am very proud of you!!!

Rock ON lady!!

Donna

Dee74

Congratulations SCW - what a great post too!
Thank you

D

CarolD

I'm so thrilled for you.....
Congratulations on your progress

Mcribb

your going to have a great time if you just put some work in

Anna

That's a great post and I'm glad you are feeling so positive about your recovery.

SweetCityWoman

It is so nice hearing from people - those who are closer in their journey to me and those who have had more experience and have helped and continue to help along the way. Gee, I never thought words of support or sitting here holding a red chip in my hand could mean so much. Guess it means my life to me right now.

LexieCat

Congrats on the chip, SCW! Awesome, isn't it? Just think how scared you were just a little while ago, hiding behind the doggies!

You keep on exploring, asking those questions, and keeping an open mind, and you have a real adventure ahead of you.

SweetCityWoman

Lexie - I think back to that first day many times because it was such a turning point for me (and you were one of the people here supporting me). At first I really had no intentions of even giving AA a try. Then I went as a "spy" under cover of my dogs - hiding behind them watching from a hill as the people went into the meeting - that was as close as I was willing to get. Then I found this forum and after 2 days of support I was ready try my first meeting. Then right before I was ready to go I began to obsess about which meeting - a beginners, a women's, an open discussion, a step, etc. etc. Perfect excuse to put off going until the next day (or the next or or or....maybe never)! Then someone here said - GO ALREADY - JUST WALK OUT YOUR DOOR NOW NOW NOW! So I did and walked into a room full of new friends who would welcome me in because they knew where I was at because they had been there before and knew how to help me.

All that seems like a lifetime ago yet it was only 3 weeks ago (my first meeting). And I can honestly say that it was the people talking to me on this forum that got me to my first AA meeting. This I will never ever forget and will share with others who are where I was at because I want them to give it a chance - why?? Because it is working for me so far -still very early but I am not drinking, am out of the isolation of my home and into rooms taking and sharing with people who care to talk and share with me.

oak

Congratulations on 30 days!!! I am happy for you.

(I am at 18 days- so fairly close.)

I remember reading about your experiences when you first went to the AA meeting.

Eddiebuckle

SCW - congrats on your 30 days! I love hearing the good news from others on this journey. It's never easy but it does get easier with time. And as good as you feel now, there's much more mentally, physically and spiritually as you continue.

All the best!

Eddie

SweetCityWoman

All - It is so great hearing from people. The support is important and I have come to value people here and appreciate others sharing. Today I am feeling a big gap left by not drinking. Do others feel this? I feel a bit edgy - not feeling like drinking but feeling like the energy it takes to plan activities for the day. Now how strange is this to feel worried about planning the day - a beautiful Sunday, 2 doggies who are begging for a walk, and the C&O Canal in walking distance - a wonderful place to walk on a day like today. I am not hungover and feeling physically great (even lost a few lbs.). So why am I feeling anxious? Heck, being sober means being responsible for one's life and having to plan activities not having a ready-made activity, i.e., sitting all day drinking! The week is easier having the structure of work. So why can't I relax and just enjoy this day where I can do anything I want - ANYTHING (oh, except drink)!!

mama36

Sweet - Anxiety is part of all of this and you are doing just fine. Get those doggies out there...I wish it were warm here but it has been raining for days. I find days off to be a bit hard too girl, but take some time to read and walk, maybe do some posting and just be you...sober you. I love your story and I love having you here, walking this walk with me.

D.

SweetCityWoman

Mama - Your post was great. Just reading and posting here is helpful and knowing people here know what I am going through. It is great having people to walk with on this journey! I think I'll get out into the sunshine with my doggies and think only about how wonderful today is because today is yet another day sober!

Eddiebuckle

SWC - feeling edgy is absolutely normal. It will happen from time to time, and it does pass in awhile (15 min to an hour for me at 30 days). One book that I found really helpful was Under the Influence by James Milam - it covers a lot of the physical stuff going on while you are in early recovery. I foud it very interesting and reassuring to know I wasn't dreaming these things up. I got it at B&N for $8 (paperback) - worth every penny!

I hope your day was a beautiful one.

Regards,
Eddie

LivingAgain2

Sweet - I just posted a thread called Day 6 and depressed. I had not seen yours before I posted mine yet they focus on a similar topic - the ups and downs of going thru sobriety. This board has helped me tremendously as well as AA - without AA I don't know if I would have kept it up at the beginning. I was like you - didn't know if I really wanted to go. But, boy am I glad I did. I feel like I have a whole new family now. I'm glad you went also. Like Mama36 said, I'm glad you're here and we're all going through this together. Today was a bad day for me but tomorrow is a new day and I'm hoping it's much better.

SweetCityWoman

Eddie and Living - Thanks so much for your posts. Living - I read your thread on day 6 and depressed and rang true as far as my feelings. These ups and downs seem to be the way and we just have to recognize that. It doesn't make the anxiety go away and in the past I was so afraid to just be with my anxiety I would grab a glass of wine to numb myself from those feelings. Not sure if I felt I couldn't handle them but I am learning I can - no matter how uncomfortable. And as Eddie said, those feelings do pass. I am not powerless over doing something else to help myself enjoy my life (but yes, if I pick up a drink I am powerless to control my drinking).

It really does help sharing experiences and walking together on this journey. Without AA I would be in a very different place - maybe not drinking but not with the possibility of a plan to sustain this. AA is there in ways I have yet to discover but for now what is important is that it is THERE and I am going.

Eddie - I was just looking online for some books - will get "Under the Influence".

My day was a good one and I spoke in my meeting earlier this evening about the emptiness. Someone in one of my meetings told me they really liked what I said because I always talk in meetings about my here and now experiences - no matter how raw the feelings. My edge softened as I was surrounded in the meeting and I also shared that. I came home relaxed and settled. Something about those meetings are working for me right here and right now and that is all I can ask.

Eddiebuckle

SCW, that's awesome to hear - sounds like you have found a good meeting and have a great start in AA. Keep at it, the changes will be subtle but they will happen. One of the most rewarding things for me are the moments when I realize how much I have changed, often without having noticed the transition.

Thanks for sharing, you made my night!

least

Congrats on thirty days sober! That's tremendous! I am glad it is going well for you (except the anxiety, and that's normal) and pray it continues to go well. Big (((hugs))) for you!

BadCompany

SCW, it's time you started working the steps scooter.