lulu1974

This morning I checked the mail and saw a letter addressed to my maiden name and I knew the writing immediately. There was no return address. I opened it and it was junk mail. My stbxah basically forwarded some warranty renewal information about my oven that was sent to his apartment. We must have put it under his name when we purchased it and since the post office is still forwarding his mail to his apartment it was forwarded to him. Sept 26th will be 4 months of NC. He does something like this about once a month..he will text me to say he is sending me my tax refund..he forwarded a picture of a newborn baby without any message, now this junk mail. I never respond. I never forward anything. If stuff comes for him or someone leaves a message I discard immediately without forwarding to him.

I dont know why I even feel the need to write about this. The fact that he knows our divorce isnt final and thus my name it still my married name and not my maiden name is just silly. If we were divorced and I was using my maiden name I am pretty certain he would be the first to know.

Nice of him to be gracious in forwarding the piece of useless info to me. Of course it would make more sense if he stopped using my prescription plan for his "performance drugs" to use with his girlfriend. But in reality I dont know if that is happening anymore as I refuse to open any statements.

Just so silly how their brains work. It never made sense and never will. Hopefully this divorce will be final soon.

Hugs
Lulu

HealingWillCome

He's a sly one.

Lulu, you have grown, in spite of his continued stabs at you. Hang in there, keep growing, and don't worry about trying to understand. He is sly and manipulative, period. Hugs to you!

Still Waters

Ignore him, he's digging.

suki44883

I agree with Still Waters. He's trying to get a rise out of you. I would just delete the email and not give it another thought.

lulu1974

Thank you HWC. I have terrible people reading skills. It was good to see what you wrote and that I am not imagining this "ping".

These are stabs at me arent they?

Nice to see he hasnt changed a bit. BUT I HAVE! Back in the day I would need to have my say and tell him exactly what I felt. I no longer say a peep. I dont ping him. I dont respond. I guess I need to give mself some credit. Sometimes it feels like I am making no progress but today when I knew the letter was from him I didnt get that awful feeling in my stomach or get anxious. For a split second I was going to text him saying what in the world but immediatley my mind said: You have worked so hard at NC for so many months. Dont throw it away now. It would be like starting NC all over again. Nope, nope, nope. So my thinking has gotten healthier and I am slowly recovering..

Hugs
Lulu

lulu1974

Suki, I guess he knows I blocked his emails and texts. This was an actual physical piece of mail. Not email but white envelope mail. No return address either. I knew his writing though. I threw it out immediately.

suki44883

Good deal. He's just poking at ya. You're doing great!

HealingWillCome

Yes! Your NC is getting his goat. You're doing a great job of not giving up what you have worked so hard to gain. Way to go girl!

wanting

You've made tremendous progress. I remember your story from the beginning of when you got here. You did not want to give up on him. Now you've worked through a lot, you've moved on tremendously well, you've started running. You're doing so great. We all have our moments whe we get down on ourselves for being triggered.

freebuthurting

I have found that my head has been a much more serene place since I stopped trying to understand anything that my AH did and said.
Well done to you and keep up the good work.
I am not sure you have to wait for a divorce to get your maiden name back though - in the UK you can do it with a deedpoll at any time and I think the USA is similar though varies from state to state. Its cheap to do here - I did it last week.

lulu1974

Yes wanting. I remember I would have given anything to get him back after he kicked me to the curb. I remember feeling like I lost half of me. Thanks goodness my HP was looking out for me and that did not happen. I would have missed out on sanity and serenity.

He can try all he wants. If I havent caved by now I am pretty sure I wont.

He did the best thing possible to make me go no contact. He embarrassed me beyond belief. That did the trick. I walked away.

Thank you Wanting for reminding me what horrible shape I was in before I got here.

Hugs
Lulu

Kassie2

I agree with others here that he is just trying to get to you. It sounds like you are learning to let this stuff go. It is helpful to think about what the point of your actions or any potential contact. Better to post it here. I especially like the one post about giving up trying to figure things out with the ex. You are getting divorced so what else is there to think about?

lulu1974

I am not sure why I want to figure it out. For years I never could so I think that "need" is still there. I do have to say its more of a fleeting thought now. I get over it pretty quickly. It was a good reminder though. When I thought about it I remembered I need to take better care of me again. Sometimes I forget that.

Thanks Kassie

Lulu

NoelleR

Goodonya girl....!

I did have one niggling feeling in the back of my neck when I read.....:

"... I never forward anything. If stuff comes for him or someone leaves a message I discard immediately without forwarding to him..."

I know 'forwarding' can be a pain, and so can 'return to sender' but if I remember the law, one can get into trouble just throwing away other folks' mail, willy-nilly. Now, I'm not talking about obvious 'junk mail' type stuff, but other stuff.....I got stuck with trying to figure out what to do with an ex's mail at one time (I couldn't figure out where to send it, and writing 'return to sender/not at this address' got REAL tiring. However, I believe the law says that the mail ONLY belongs to the sender and/or the recipient, and to just throw it away can get one into trouble (of course, with an 'A' who knows; they probly don't know what mail they may be receiving or expecting, anyway).

My suggestion would be, if you want, to check with your local post office, and see what they suggest. Or, you could just get a stamp that says "return to sender/not at this address" (I know I've seen them in stationary stores/aisles); stamp all his stuff and just put it back into the mail, and let the senders deal with your stbxah......

Just thought I'd put my 2-cents worth, from my experience, into the mix.....you just keep on truckin' yer doin' gr8!!!!!


(o:
NoelleR

transformyself

He's creepy. You on the other hand are a walking miracle.

freebuthurting

Yes - I would agree with that.