Back once more, sorry long one
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Virginia gal
Posts: 132
Back once more, sorry long one
It has been a long time since I have posted here. I have no where else to go!
To refresh, my addict is my daughter. I believe she has been doing drugs for 10 years. I have put her out of my life so many times, I raised her 2 children for a year. She now has twins, 22 months old. She and ADBF, father of all children were throw out of their apartment I believe cause money was going for drugs and not rent etc. I allowed them to come live with my husband and me. They have been here since May. So far I have been in the hospital twice with stress problems. The last time I was shaking so bad from nerves that I couldn't control my body. I simply don't know what to do. If it was just her and ADBF they would be out on the street. But the four grandchildren would be taken, and where would they be? On the street? In a ratty motel? I have set rules as to what I won't allow but that seems to go out the window after a few weeks. I know my daughter has taken money out of my purse, but have no proof. Of course if I confront her she denies everything. I am on a course to a complete breakdown because I feel I have no chose but to protect the grandchildren. I know she is doing drugs in my home because I know the simptoms, but feel I can't do anything because I am trying to protect the children a safe place to be, food and love. I think sometimes that I want to call the law and turn them over, but then I can't handle 4 children. My husband is a double amputee and I work out of my home. I will be 60 this year and my health is not good. I feel like I have lost my mind, my home and any peace in my life. I pray everyday for God to take over and fix this but so far I see no end in sight. I have no where else to go, but I know I received so much support and help here before. Hope someone will answer and give me some insight. Help!!!!!
To refresh, my addict is my daughter. I believe she has been doing drugs for 10 years. I have put her out of my life so many times, I raised her 2 children for a year. She now has twins, 22 months old. She and ADBF, father of all children were throw out of their apartment I believe cause money was going for drugs and not rent etc. I allowed them to come live with my husband and me. They have been here since May. So far I have been in the hospital twice with stress problems. The last time I was shaking so bad from nerves that I couldn't control my body. I simply don't know what to do. If it was just her and ADBF they would be out on the street. But the four grandchildren would be taken, and where would they be? On the street? In a ratty motel? I have set rules as to what I won't allow but that seems to go out the window after a few weeks. I know my daughter has taken money out of my purse, but have no proof. Of course if I confront her she denies everything. I am on a course to a complete breakdown because I feel I have no chose but to protect the grandchildren. I know she is doing drugs in my home because I know the simptoms, but feel I can't do anything because I am trying to protect the children a safe place to be, food and love. I think sometimes that I want to call the law and turn them over, but then I can't handle 4 children. My husband is a double amputee and I work out of my home. I will be 60 this year and my health is not good. I feel like I have lost my mind, my home and any peace in my life. I pray everyday for God to take over and fix this but so far I see no end in sight. I have no where else to go, but I know I received so much support and help here before. Hope someone will answer and give me some insight. Help!!!!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Awww, Painter, I am so sorry you are going through this.
Your health sounds in need of some drastic immediate attention. Stress like that can really knock you down and you and your husband already struggle enough.
Perhaps talk to Children's Services, tell them what is going on. Putting these children into Foster Care is better than them living with parents who are addicted. And you are not in any position to raise all these children.
You and your family will all be in my prayers. I really hope you can work something out soon.
Big Welcome Home Hugs
Your health sounds in need of some drastic immediate attention. Stress like that can really knock you down and you and your husband already struggle enough.
Perhaps talk to Children's Services, tell them what is going on. Putting these children into Foster Care is better than them living with parents who are addicted. And you are not in any position to raise all these children.
You and your family will all be in my prayers. I really hope you can work something out soon.
Big Welcome Home Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 355
Awwww.....Painter...I am so very sorry for what you are going thru. I am sending you my biggist of hugs...and I am not a huggy type person...lol.
I can identify with what you are going thru. Almost word for word, the AD, the grandchildren, the health thing, everything.
I started changing slowly. It has been a long, long process. First, I got rid of the boyfriend. I was like you. If it wasn't for the kids, my AD would have been out of my house in no time. She stole, she lied, she manipulated, she used, whatever she had to do. At one point, I ended up in the hospital for 5 days with bleeding ulcers, spent Mother's Day in there actually. I was depleted, I was exhausted, mentally, physically, SPIRITUALLY, and financially. I didn't know where to turn. I loved my grandchildren, I didn't want them on the street, or at some sleazy drug den. But I didn't want to assume total responsibility for them either.
So I did nothing. I also set rules, tried to keep some semblance of sanity for my grandkids. I kept thinking things would change. She would get better, she would realize what she was doing to her children...blah, blah, blah. Finally, I had just had enough. I realized that although I loved my grandkids, my house was not a good environment for them either. Not just what she was doing to them, but me too. I was just as sick as she was, if not sicker because I didn't have the drugs to keep me numb. This was in April of this year. I realized SOMETHING had to change.
I told her I was at the end of my rope. She had to get out. Take the kids, leave the kids. She decided to go into rehab. I decided to keep the kids until she gets out. I don't know what made her decide to go, but I am so thankful that she did. For now she is doing well. She gets out in November. I don't know what will happen when she gets out, but I know I will never go back to all that chaos again. Some days it is SO SO hard just putting one foot in front of the other. My grandkids are 7 and 4. It takes so much energy to deal with them, give them what they need, try to be there for them, go to work everyday, never mind trying to find some time for me.
If I had to cope with twins on top of that....well, I really don't know how I would deal with that. I don't know that I could deal with that. I wish I had some magic words for you, but I wanted you to know, that there is someone out here who somewhat understands, and empathizes with you.
What I do want to say is sometimes we have to save ourselves. Sometimes that is the most that we can do. No matter what. Unfortunately, sometimes we cannot save even our grandchildren. No matter how much we want to.
Gotta go read the grandkid a book, he is ready for bed. But I will be back tonite. Friday nites are me time and this place is where I spend it (and I get to sleep in tomorrow)
If you need someone to talk to please message me. Your story has touched my heart.
Gotahavfaith
I can identify with what you are going thru. Almost word for word, the AD, the grandchildren, the health thing, everything.
I started changing slowly. It has been a long, long process. First, I got rid of the boyfriend. I was like you. If it wasn't for the kids, my AD would have been out of my house in no time. She stole, she lied, she manipulated, she used, whatever she had to do. At one point, I ended up in the hospital for 5 days with bleeding ulcers, spent Mother's Day in there actually. I was depleted, I was exhausted, mentally, physically, SPIRITUALLY, and financially. I didn't know where to turn. I loved my grandchildren, I didn't want them on the street, or at some sleazy drug den. But I didn't want to assume total responsibility for them either.
So I did nothing. I also set rules, tried to keep some semblance of sanity for my grandkids. I kept thinking things would change. She would get better, she would realize what she was doing to her children...blah, blah, blah. Finally, I had just had enough. I realized that although I loved my grandkids, my house was not a good environment for them either. Not just what she was doing to them, but me too. I was just as sick as she was, if not sicker because I didn't have the drugs to keep me numb. This was in April of this year. I realized SOMETHING had to change.
I told her I was at the end of my rope. She had to get out. Take the kids, leave the kids. She decided to go into rehab. I decided to keep the kids until she gets out. I don't know what made her decide to go, but I am so thankful that she did. For now she is doing well. She gets out in November. I don't know what will happen when she gets out, but I know I will never go back to all that chaos again. Some days it is SO SO hard just putting one foot in front of the other. My grandkids are 7 and 4. It takes so much energy to deal with them, give them what they need, try to be there for them, go to work everyday, never mind trying to find some time for me.
If I had to cope with twins on top of that....well, I really don't know how I would deal with that. I don't know that I could deal with that. I wish I had some magic words for you, but I wanted you to know, that there is someone out here who somewhat understands, and empathizes with you.
What I do want to say is sometimes we have to save ourselves. Sometimes that is the most that we can do. No matter what. Unfortunately, sometimes we cannot save even our grandchildren. No matter how much we want to.
Gotta go read the grandkid a book, he is ready for bed. But I will be back tonite. Friday nites are me time and this place is where I spend it (and I get to sleep in tomorrow)
If you need someone to talk to please message me. Your story has touched my heart.
Gotahavfaith
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Painter)))) awww, sweetie, I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I know no grandmother wants to see her grandkids go to foster care, but you've GOT to take care of yourself. I'm a former nurse, and stress can literally kill you.
Most foster care systems, that I know of, will do everything possible to keep the stable, loving family members in the kids life. It may just be visitations, but please check on it.
Your AD is going to keep doing what she's doing until she has to face some harsh consequences. I know I did.
I can't imagine how agonizing all this is, but remember what they say on the airplanes - "put the oxygen mask on YOURSELF first". You can't be there for ANYONE if you can't take care of yourself.
Lots of love, hugs, and prayers heading your way,
Amy
Most foster care systems, that I know of, will do everything possible to keep the stable, loving family members in the kids life. It may just be visitations, but please check on it.
Your AD is going to keep doing what she's doing until she has to face some harsh consequences. I know I did.
I can't imagine how agonizing all this is, but remember what they say on the airplanes - "put the oxygen mask on YOURSELF first". You can't be there for ANYONE if you can't take care of yourself.
Lots of love, hugs, and prayers heading your way,
Amy
it is what it is
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Griffin GA
Posts: 454
painter - i can't add any more wisdom than has already been shared - you certainly need to take care of yourself and investigate all the possibilities for help for you and for the kids - your daughter will have to find her own way at this point - i will pray for you, your husband, your grandchildren, and your daughter -
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