Ann

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

New Relationship Behaviors

We talk much about new relationship behaviors in recovery: allowing others to be themselves without over reacting and taking it personally, and owning our power to take care of ourselves. We talk about letting go of our need to control, focusing on self-responsibility, and not setting ourselves up to be victims by focusing on the other person while neglecting ourselves. We talk about having and setting healthy boundaries, talking directly, and taking responsibility for what we want and need.

While these behaviors certainly help us deal with addicted people, these are not behaviors intended only for use in what we call "dysfunctional relationships."

These behaviors are our new relationship behaviors. They help us in stressful relationships. They can help us get through times of stress in healthy relationships.

The recovery behaviors we are learning are tools - healthy relationship skills - that help us improve the quality of all our relationships.

Recovery means self-care - learning to take care of ourselves and love ourselves - with people. The healthier we become, the healthier our relationships will become. And we'll never outgrow our need for healthy behaviors.

Today, I will remember to apply my recovery behaviors in all my relationships - with friends and co-workers, as well as in any special love relationship. I will work hard at taking care of myself in the troublesome relationships, figuring out which skill might best apply. I will also consider ways that my healthy relationships might benefit from my new relationship skills.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

Ann

Recovery has helped me in all my relationships today, and I am grateful.

I know when to set boundaries and do...at work, with friends, with business colleagues, with non-addicted family members.

I can practice tolerance today, without being walked over.

I can feel compassion today, and see beyond the acting out behaviour.

I can feel love, even when I don't "like" very much.

And I have patience, with myself, with others and with how life unfolds.

We are told in recovery to "practice these principles in all our affairs". That means taking it beyond addiction, and learning to live the program in all areas of our lives.

Hugs

Kindeyes

Ann
Thank you so very much for sharing that today. I needed to have some wonderful something to inspire me through my day today and that was just the ticket.

I will strive to examine MY behaviors today rather than analyze the behavior of others.
I will concentrate on my reactions rather than on other's actions.
I will be a better, stronger person today than I was yesterday.
I will exercise patience with others and myself.

Today is a new day......I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Ann....you're the best. I am so very glad that we have you on this board. You are always kind. You share what you have learned in such a positive and beautiful way. And I love you for it.

gentle hugs

Chino

I do that every day and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. I have not mastered it and have no idea if it's possible. It's a piece of cake with strangers, pretty easy with acquaintances, but gets harder the closer I am to another.

One of my friends has gone through some serious trauma this summer. I helped her find a therapist but she has not gone yet. That became evident last night. My friends and I were speaking in very general terms about how stressful this summer has been, and we're ready for a break. She told us that we wouldn't have wanted to deal with what she did.

I cut her off with "we've all gone through hell and all we can do is the work to help ourselves heal."

My response was instant but I'm still thinking about it today. I want to call her right now and indulge my codie behaviors, but I won't. It's her journey and I have to love her enough to let her find her way, especially because I'm still finding mine.

gotahavfaith

Ann

I would like to thank you for this reading today. It is what i NEEDED. I am beginning to think about what MY life will look like when my daughter gets out of rehab next month. She has been there for 5 months now. When she gets out I am letting her come back to our house. Her 2 sons have been with me and my husband all this time. Actually, the boys have been at my house since they were little. They are 7 and almost 4 now.

My boundaries will look nothing like they looked when she left. (Really, I didn't have any boundaries then) My state of mind looks nothing like it did when she left. MY outlook on MY life has changed. I feel like my daughter should have all the tools she needs to live a good sober life with her kids. I am not willing to live MY life around hers anymore.

I treat people differently today. And I set boundaries on how I want to be treated. I have realized that I am worth it. I realize how hard this may be having her back in the house, but I WILL be able to handle it, and if it gets to be too much, I know how to ask her to leave. Anyways thanks for this post today.

Gotahavfaith

dollydo

Thank you for posting this.

My recovery has created a much calmer Dolly, a less impulsive Dolly, a much improved version of "Dolly". For that I am grateful.

I couldn't have made it through that dark tunnel without everyone on this board, and, for that, I am truely grateful.