steve1840

i am trying very hard to focus on me and not think about her, but at times it is too overwhelming. when she first went out on the streets she fell into turning tricks. i never judged her for it and let her tell me anything so she could get to it off her chest. i let her stay with me to keep her from doing that kind of stuff. she said many many times how grateful she was, how painful it had been to do what she was doing, and how glad she was not to be doing it.

she agreed to get help, in fact stated she wanted help, but it never fully happened. after the second stint at detox, she wanted crack again, but resisted. we went straight to salvation army and she was turned away becasuse they gave her suboxon. that crushed her spirit and she used again. i told her that tuesday (yesterday) was my deadline for her to choose. she chose to go back out on the street.

now my mind gets consummed with what she is doing. it is so soooo painful, especially knowing that the girls that do that stuff really don't want to. it makes then feel worse about themselves and continues the drug cycle to numb it. i know it is all "business" its all about the money and drugs, but i dont know how to turn it off, knowing someone i love and care for is doing that. i do not love her any less for what she does/has done, it breaks my heart and in some way makes me care all the more.

has anyone dealt with this particular issue? i really could use help with this one.

cece1960

Hi Steve,
I'm sorry I can't be of much help, having not dealt with the issue you describe.
But I may be of some help to you. I want you to consider starting a thread all about you.
No kidding...tell us about what you do for fun, what you enjoy, what you'd like to do...etc.
All about you
Are you willing?

steve1840

cece- i will do that post today

cynical one- there is no reason i use that word. all my life its always been girls and guys, maybe its a 40s style slang thing, i really mean nothing by it. if i could figure out how to edit my post i'll change it.

tam

steve, please know your emotions are all normal. its part of our recovery, however painful it is, that is what family/friends go through when we let go.
we get overwhelmed, we get angry, the addiction consumes us. but in time, yes it can be slow, you will be able to better deal with this and get a grasp on addiction and accept that you cant change it.what you need right now is coping skills. I couldnt believe some of the things my husband did and said and everyone on this forum can say that there are things their addict has done so painful to us,what happened to them? My husband also talked to me about having a good life again, being together,getting help, moving forward, having dreams but continues to take his drug.what did I do, I consumed myself with trying to figure out how to stop this addiction, stop his behaviors, then finally realizing Im fighting a drug. it took me a long time to see and come to terms with the fact that my husband behaviors were from a drug,(and so were my behaviors) I kept saying over and over again this isnt him, this cant be happening he will snap out of it.I took things personally, I was crushed, embarrassed, sad, disgusted, cant imagine a bright future for myself, then I saw I was hitting bottom and thats what you are doing, hitting rock bottom..try to keep busy, try your hardest even if its something small each day. keep reading on here, keep praying, maybe talk to a therapist or friend..but do something for YOU , every time you get these thoughts, try to do something to keep your mind off of her..time will heal your wounds

suki44883

Sorry, but you are just not getting it. She chooses to live the life she is living. She had the perfect opportunity to get out of it just a week or so back, but she CHOSE not to. If she did not want to turn tricks for drug money, then she would not be doing it. I know it sounds cruel to say it, but she is doing it because she wants to. If she was as miserable as you make her sound, she would have grabbed onto the help you were offering her just a few days ago. She is not ready to stop and it is HER CHOICE to continue.

The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can start to heal. Until then, you will continue to torture yourself.

outtolunch

She chooses to do what she does, and until she chooses to do something different, there's nothing you can do.

Callie

. I walked into the freak room to see him on his knees.

I cannot even imagine going through that CO.

Steve, I'd try to find a way to turn that pity, worry etc. into anger for a bit to propel yourself OUT of this situation. Do you ever look @ it like she USED you for shelter, food, money etc all this while? If she wasn't turning tricks in your house how did she get the $ to fund her habit? I agree with Suki. It's HER choice. It's not as bad as you may think it is if she's going back to it. She had every opportunity and she made a choice. It's your turn to make the choice to walk away. Go easy on yourself, this is still fresh, but you've gotta walk away.

suki44883

I've hesitated to say she was using Steve, but it most definitely has occurred to me. She had a chance to rest, get some decent food in her, sleep in a comfortable bed, etc., and then got tired of all the talk of changing and decided to hit the road again. She can always come back when she needs another break. Sorry, but that's just the way I see what happened.