oak

My head is not saying this right now, but all day I kept having the thought that if I am powerless over alcohol, I might as well just drink. Like that I cannot help myself so it's inevitable. This is so enticing to me. (Please tell me why this does not make sense.)

I am sure that is not what the founders of AA hoped for.
(I am new to AA. Today is the beginning of day 14 of sobriety.)

A few weeks ago, powerlessness made more sense to me- from a place of surrender. Surrender is something I am fairly comfortable with. I do a martial art that involves a lot of bowing. Bowing is an action that I feel is sacred, and it reminds me of surrender. Aside from bowing, the martial art I do, aikido, teaches a lot about surrender.

What are your concepts (and actions) around powerlessness?

What do you say to the voice that says, 'powerless? well yes you are. so it won't even be your fault when you drink. it's going to happen anyway so no reason to fight it.'?

Thanks. Be kind!

Rusty Zipper

oak,

a simple little ditty,

if i take just one drink,

all the "yets" may just happen

and for me, the "was" was bad enough

nuff said

good wishes

Rusty Zipper

oh,

and when the Band of Gypsys in the head (committee members) used to bother me,

i schoosh them off to go bother someone else!

Dee74

Hi oak

I prefer to think about it in terms of acceptance really.

When I finally accepted I was an alcoholic, I finally and fully accepted what alcohol does to me and my life, time and time again....

and whats more I finally accepted that was never going to change.

I've been sober long enough now to put a bit of daylight between me now and how I used to think.

I have hundreds of instances to draw on now to illustrate how insane it would be for me to go back to that life again.

Your idea of 'if I am powerless over alcohol, I might as well just drink' sounds a bit like 'I know noone lives forever, so I may as well go play on the freeway'....

Don't let your mind talk nonsense at you, oak...that's your old way of thinking...keep moving forward

D

24hrsAday

oak.. like what Dee said "i know i won't live forever.. so.. Drink?" that is how i Used to think! Acceptance.. to Truly Accept that "IF" i pick up a drink.. No matter what.. something bad is going to happen. it is a elevator that Only goes Down! glad you are giving A.A. a shot.. it has helped me greatly..

SSIL75

I've heard it explained in a way that makes sense to me.

I am powerless over alcohol AFTER I take that first drink. That first drink is what renders me powerless.

I have all the power in the world to NOT pick up the first drink.

julez

I agree with SSLIL75. Once you realize you are powerless after you take the first drink, then it will be easier to just leave it alone.
Admitting you are powerless means no more playing the "oh maybe I can moderate" game. It means that you know you CANT, and so you know you wont even try.
Hang in there oak. Your mind is playing games with you, and you're thinking too hard about it. xoxo

eremc08

I agree with everyone's posts here

michelle01

That is the danger - beginning to think 'Oh I have a disease, I can't help all this.' To me, powerlessness is being unable to do this on my own. I get the help from my HP and therapy I go to.

I think it does begin with the surrender/acceptance, but then you have to try and move forward. I'm not really an AA follower but view the remaining steps as actually being about self-responsibility, accountability and being empowered through recovery. The steps are in order for a very good reason. Powerlessness is not a cop out in recovery.

murrill

"Powerlessness" is one of those loaded words that offends some of AA's critics. When I first sobered up the disease concept was in its hey day, and it seems every treatment center espoused it. Naturally, since all the treament centers I knew relied heavily upon 12-step programs, the notion of alcoholism/addiction as a disease gained a strong foothold. It appealed to me at the time, and I found it useful in eaarly sobriety. (Not trying to stir the pot here: I've since revised some of my opinions, and I didn't bring this up to start a debate on the topic.) When I first heard the term "powerless" it was a bit of a relief: It wasn't that it relieved me of responsibility for drinking, but I could begin to understand that I did not have a typical reaction to alcohol.
On a broader level, the struggle to reconcile forgiveness and responsibility has marked a point of growth at various points in my sobriety. I came into treatment and AA with some very black or white perspectives. As I became healthier I learned that gray is a more gentle one....and probably more appropriate. The best that I can describe is that it is a spiritual place that tolerates both.
So while it is true that I am powerless over alcohol, I am responsible for utilizing the tools at my disposal to care for myself. Of course, the fact that you posted this suggests that you are doing just that. I find that when I verbalize what is happening--the crazy thoughts, the pain, the frustrations--it loses its power over me. Congrats on your sobriety, and may you find serenity today.

coffeenut

I refused to be powerless. I did climb out of that hole. I did have the power. Finding it was the trick.

Good for you for your two weeks! Welcome to SR!

Jabbadabutt

I used to use that excuse (I am powerless over alcohol) as a reason to give in to drinking and say f&&k it. In reality that's just what it was - another excuse - there may be times when we give in to the disease so much that we have little power to think straight and reason with ourselves, but if we are aware that there is a power struggle and identify that, WE now have the power to change it.

leo21

I see the concept of powerlessness to mean that I can't do it alone.
That I need help to manage each day and in order to receive help from outside myself requires that sense of surrender, or in other words to find my center and evaluate where I am at. That quick inventory only takes a few moments and it's then I humble myself to let the moment pass.

Sidenote: oak, martial art junkie here too!! Studied aikido as well and luvd it!

Kjell

I am powerless over alcohol or why did I end up here? Why did I do so much I regretted? Why did I drink, over and over again, when I said I wouldn't? When I truly wanted to stop...I couldn't do it by myself. Why did I harm so many people (and myself over and over again) when I really didn't want to?

I am powerless over alcohol. I gave in, gave up, gave my life over to my HP.

The power is in the asking.

Kjell

Zencat

As an alcoholic I became accustomed to rationalizing or justifying any concept that would allow me to drink. Now as a person in addiction treatment I no longer try to twist concepts like powerless around in such a way that would give a reason to pick up that first drink. For it is my experience that when I decide to pick up the first drink I do feel powerless over what could happen next....and usually what happens is some really bad stuff.

TexasNative

Until you've seriously decided you don't want to drink anymore everything is an excuse to drink. I did that for years. Somebody could say hey Neal you are going to die if you don't stop...and I'd be like, well fk it then, lets get bombed...I'm gonna die anyway!!!

wpainterw

This occurred to me when I first began my program. Obviously if it were literally true then recovery would be impossible and nothing in the program would make any sense. Conceivably a person might choose to remain completely passive and hope that the higher power would come to the rescue. But to do so would seem only a rationalizaton to drink further and a symptom of deep denial. To recover a person,then, has to want to stop and be committed to do everything possible to start the program working. As they used to say in the days of Henry Ford, if you can't put gas in the tank at least you can help to crank the engine. You'll probably need help to drive it yourself for awhile and for sure you'll need a road map. So why not get started, crank that engine and get on your way. Good luck and happy motoring.

W.

Antiderivative

But you have great control over your sobriety. You are responsible for picking up the first drink even if it makes you spiral out of control.

Mcribb

Sounds like you aren't feeling very good and just want to feel good before you die, work on AA or some program and you won't feel this way forever.

Harry01854

And I have to add, I was also powerless over the first thought of having a drink. Once I had the thought that I wanted a drink, it was out the door I went. How many times though had I said to myself I'm going to stop just for one or two and ended up drunk. It wasn't the first drink that actually got me drunk, but because I took the first drink, I became powerless and couldn't stop.

Then there are a lot of good replies on what to do after you put the first drink down and not pick up anymore alcohol. Sure, it is easy to stop, maybe for a day, but the trick is how do I stay stopped, one day at a time.

I can find plenty of "poor" excuses to pick up a drink. I can also find some very good reason not to pick up a drink. The good out weighs the poor by far.

God be with you,

Harry