Noodle

I was on day 14 and I messed it all up. I feel like such a failure, I just want to give up! HELP

Junior33

Noodle,
Today can be your day 1 again! Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. If you don't drink today, you have a day under your belt.
Alcohol depresses me, so I always feel awful the next day - I always feel like a failure, and I always wish I hadn't picked up the first drink the night before. So, now I am coming here every chance I get, I'm posting my thoughts and what I have planned for the day - even the next fifteen minutes. I makes me feel accountable to myself.
Today is the beginning of day 5 for me, I was where you are right now - just 5 mornings ago. I can tell you that I don't hate myself this morning - I would however be feeling that way if I drank last night.
Please start over today, you can do it - and don't beat yourself up - love yourself today, take care of yourself today, and don't drink today.
Be safe.

zbear23

Noodle....the way I finally succeeded was by failing time after time. By "messing up" I got to become aware of what I was doing wrong, and correct it. There is NO such thing as failure unless you give up.

It sounds to me like you may be infecting yourself with self-pity...something that held me back for a long time: the old, "being depressed, why bother, I'll never get this, I'm such a loser, etc. etc. ad nauseum." It became a self fulfilling prophecy for me, as I wallowed in my awfulness.

AA and its 12 steps gave me a new pair of glasses. I see things differently. The only things I had to do is keep coming back, listen to learn, act on the suggestions of others and take responsibility for myself.

In other word, I had to stop complaining and stop blaming. Or....as Dr. Bob Smith put it so well: "trust god, clean house, help others."

AA works if you want it.

blessings
zenbear

Ghostly

OK you have spent time feeling like a failure...now try to look forward. Do you want a sober life? If yes then figure out what to do different. Start now. you can do this. It's up to you.

Onewithwings

The only failure is to not keep trying. I have relapsed about a dozen times since I began back in March, but I am on day 42 now and feeling quite successful. One day at a time, you can make it back!

Antiderivative

Ask yourself, "Why did I drink?". Figured out what triggered you and figure out how you can overcome that trigger.

julez

Don't beat yourself up. Dust yourself off, and get up. Make a change in your plan, so you don't repeat this particular mistake. I've slipped, but I haven't given up

tormentedmirror

Never give up!

Anna

Don't give up - this disease is relentless!

augustwest

giving up is failure. there's no shame in picking yourself up and starting over.

Dee74

Hey Noodle

I really believe you can never lose if you never give up...I struggled for 15 years to 'get this' (I don't think the 15 year stretch is necessary though lol)

Look at what happened and why it happened. Think about what else you need to do to ensure it doesn't happen again - things like do you need more support, do you need to change your life a little more?...

There's hundreds of people here who've changed their lives. You can too

D

artsoul

What my relapses showed me is that I had underestimated the power of my addiction to keep calling me back, and I'd overestimated my ability (my "smarts") in dealing with it and thinking I could just have a few more drinks.

I come here everyday to remind myself how serious alcoholism is, how I'm no different than other alcoholics (even when I'd like to think I am), and that if I pick up again, I'll be misersable at the very least.

So, if you have a sense of powerlessness like I did, you can find new strength to make it work this time. I'm wishing you all the best. If we can do it, you can too!

Noodle

Well I picked myself up again and I am back on day 7. I know I can do this, I think its just a matter of, well this sounds weird but...learning to live again. I remember when I could have a good time, or cry or be stressed out without craving a drink. Now the only way I knew how to do any of those things is with alcohol. This is the part I find the hardest, learning to live life and have your emotions feel the way they actually should feel. No more masking them with alcohol.

least

Big hugs to you for starting over. The only failure is in not trying. It took me a while too before I 'got it', but I did 'get it' and now have over nine months. You can too!

Dee74

good to see you back Noodle.
So whats yr plan?

D

SweetCityWoman

Hey Noodle - I just hit one month and am struggling with how to live my life without the booze. Feels like there is a whole, an emptiness within that used to be filled with drinking and now I am going through the motions of trying to enjoy the day without feeling anxious. Sounds strange but to just relax and enjoy being on a walk with my dogs, enjoy the wonderful early Fall weather and be in the day and have my feelings be OK. Not to chase my feelings away with drinking is new to me. I had vacated my own life by drinking all the time!!

My other thought reading your thread about screwing up (ofcourse you are now back on track) - but I have been thinking to myself, tomorrow morning will come whether I drink or not tonight so wouldn't I rather face tomorrow with sobriety under my belt vs. a belly full of booze!! I am coming up with lots of things to stay sober but the most helpful to me has been starting AA. I have no idea where it will lead me but for right now I just keep going back and let it flow into my life.

Nice for you on day 7 - tomorrow will be day 8.

lilac0721

Noodle...you can do it. And there is no such thing as failure (I think ZenBear said that). I am on yet another day One. There have been so many I have lost count. One thing I have learned is not to beat myself up over it. Just pick up and try again. And learn from every relapse.

Thank you for posting. It made me remember that other people have the same feelings that I do!

CarolD

Welcome back Noodle....
Glad to see you are on your sober journey again.

mama36

My doctor once said something to me, and now it makes sense..."NEVER QUIT QUITTING!" He was using the term regarding other things, but it sure does fit here.

D.

LexieCat

"Giving up" is EXACTLY what you need to do. I found that fighting alcohol was an absolute losing battle. My only hope was to surrender to it, because it will beat me every time.

Maybe it's time to make time for those "extensive meetings" you were hoping to avoid....