In a rut. Yet again
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
In a rut. Yet again
Hello ((SR))
I guess its time for my monthly rut yet again. For the last week or so I have been experiencing depression again. Its so strange. I am doing everything right. Eating right. Running. Just started taking vitamins. It may have to do with the fact its 9/11 week and tomorrow will be a year ago my marriage ended. 9/13 is the day I asked him to leave and he hasnt been back since. I didnt realize how much this unconsciously affects me. Last night I read that damn book and cried my eyes out for hours. It felt good but today I want to cry again. First time in months.
I am taking some medication for depression and have an appt with my dr tomorrow. I called out of work last week and am concerned about going back. I couldnt sleep well for days and was exhausted. And depressed. I would wake up in a cold sweat every hour and many times I couldnt fall back asleep. I lied to why I would be out and I know they dont believe me. I lied because I was so sad and its hard for me to figure out what I am feeling. I tend to lock myself in my house and not leave for days until I figure things out. But I havent felt this for many months. The depression keeps coming back though. So now I have anxiety about going back tomorrow. I am almost considering not going back tomorrow and seeing my doctor and telling her how I feel and see what she wants to do. But that may be because I dont want to face the music. I have been able to sleep for the last 2 nights. Which has helped. I feel like I need a break. But I already had one in June when I had surgery and was out for 6 weeks.
Truthfully, I dont know how to take care of myself in this one. Either I take care of myself mentally and not work for a bit or I work and drive myself crazy and stress myself/not sleep yet take care of myself financially.
I have done everything right. I thought I would have made more progress than this in the last year. He has a new place, two jobs, and a girlfriend. I have the pieces to put back together. Doesnt seem fair. And no, I still have no contact with him.
Hugs,
Lulu
I guess its time for my monthly rut yet again. For the last week or so I have been experiencing depression again. Its so strange. I am doing everything right. Eating right. Running. Just started taking vitamins. It may have to do with the fact its 9/11 week and tomorrow will be a year ago my marriage ended. 9/13 is the day I asked him to leave and he hasnt been back since. I didnt realize how much this unconsciously affects me. Last night I read that damn book and cried my eyes out for hours. It felt good but today I want to cry again. First time in months.
I am taking some medication for depression and have an appt with my dr tomorrow. I called out of work last week and am concerned about going back. I couldnt sleep well for days and was exhausted. And depressed. I would wake up in a cold sweat every hour and many times I couldnt fall back asleep. I lied to why I would be out and I know they dont believe me. I lied because I was so sad and its hard for me to figure out what I am feeling. I tend to lock myself in my house and not leave for days until I figure things out. But I havent felt this for many months. The depression keeps coming back though. So now I have anxiety about going back tomorrow. I am almost considering not going back tomorrow and seeing my doctor and telling her how I feel and see what she wants to do. But that may be because I dont want to face the music. I have been able to sleep for the last 2 nights. Which has helped. I feel like I need a break. But I already had one in June when I had surgery and was out for 6 weeks.
Truthfully, I dont know how to take care of myself in this one. Either I take care of myself mentally and not work for a bit or I work and drive myself crazy and stress myself/not sleep yet take care of myself financially.
I have done everything right. I thought I would have made more progress than this in the last year. He has a new place, two jobs, and a girlfriend. I have the pieces to put back together. Doesnt seem fair. And no, I still have no contact with him.
Hugs,
Lulu
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
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Hi Lulu,
What you are describing may be a direct side effect of the medication. Not sure what you are on or for how long.. and if it is a general practitioner prescribing the meds, they aren't always as knowledgeable of anti-depressants as a psychiatrist. Be sure to talk to your doctor and describe what you have here. The slightest change in your routine can work against the meds for (taking the meds at different times for example). You will be suprised how well meds can work IF your doctor can prescribe the right kind and you adhere strictly to the directions on how to take them. Hope you feel better soon!
bb
What you are describing may be a direct side effect of the medication. Not sure what you are on or for how long.. and if it is a general practitioner prescribing the meds, they aren't always as knowledgeable of anti-depressants as a psychiatrist. Be sure to talk to your doctor and describe what you have here. The slightest change in your routine can work against the meds for (taking the meds at different times for example). You will be suprised how well meds can work IF your doctor can prescribe the right kind and you adhere strictly to the directions on how to take them. Hope you feel better soon!
bb
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
LuLu, (((hugs)))
I know what you're going through and I'm right there with ya'. I have struggled with depression all of my life. I too have periods of time where I am down. I have learned, though, that when it affects my daily life such as you describe, I need to see a psychiatrist. The chemicals in our brains sometimes get out of whack and it is nothing we have done that causes it. Though it often does have to do with lifestyle choices.
I am sorry you are going through this but please know you are not alone. Keep chin up. Please try not to compare yourself with the EX. Or anyone else really. We all go at our own pace.
Love ya'! Hang tough, things are gonna get better!
I know what you're going through and I'm right there with ya'. I have struggled with depression all of my life. I too have periods of time where I am down. I have learned, though, that when it affects my daily life such as you describe, I need to see a psychiatrist. The chemicals in our brains sometimes get out of whack and it is nothing we have done that causes it. Though it often does have to do with lifestyle choices.
I am sorry you are going through this but please know you are not alone. Keep chin up. Please try not to compare yourself with the EX. Or anyone else really. We all go at our own pace.
Love ya'! Hang tough, things are gonna get better!
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Join Date: Sep 2008
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Posts: 2,615
Lulu, my dear......how are you feeling now?
Hope you tell your Dr exactly how you are, and see if you can be referred to a psychiatrist as they have so much more knowledge of depression than GP's, good tho they may be.
It will be better and brighter for you soon, as it is usually during your cycle, so please hold on to that thought and keep posting here.
God bless
Hope you tell your Dr exactly how you are, and see if you can be referred to a psychiatrist as they have so much more knowledge of depression than GP's, good tho they may be.
It will be better and brighter for you soon, as it is usually during your cycle, so please hold on to that thought and keep posting here.
God bless
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
He has a new place, two jobs, and a girlfriend. I have the pieces to put back together. Doesnt seem fair.
I also tend to compare myself with others. That is very destructive and makes me feel very bad. I recommend listing your blessings and your good moments in the past. That helps, to remember feelings/moments/joys that are yours only.
Hope you feel better, first day at work after an absence sucks.
I also tend to compare myself with others. That is very destructive and makes me feel very bad. I recommend listing your blessings and your good moments in the past. That helps, to remember feelings/moments/joys that are yours only.
Hope you feel better, first day at work after an absence sucks.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Forum for depression
Mental Health - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Mental Health - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Hello FOC,
I do see a psychiatrist and she has tried many meds but I have reactions to many of them. I will see her tonight.
I think the trigger was that its been a year and I am still struggling at times. I guess I thought my now things would be so different and they arent.
I know I need to make some changes. I have been holding off on them because I have a hard time making decisions. I am scared a lot of making a mistake. I overanalyze like its my second job.
But I have learned a lot this year. I never realized how much my mother and family hurt me and how much anger I have towards them. I always knew I hated my job but because its such an incredible company I have stayed for the greater good of my marriage. But now I think about it..Why did I stay when I have been so unhappy? Its been 5 1/2 years of unhappiness. I stayed because my stbxah wanted me too. Wow.
And I still have very little energy and a lot of anxiety.
I made myself a promise that I will start being more vigilant about going to alanon regularly. I am also working on my energy level so I can have a more fufilling life.
Please say a prayer for me as this isnt the best time to look for a new job but I have no choice. I need to move on...
Thanks for listening,
Hugs
Lulu
I do see a psychiatrist and she has tried many meds but I have reactions to many of them. I will see her tonight.
I think the trigger was that its been a year and I am still struggling at times. I guess I thought my now things would be so different and they arent.
I know I need to make some changes. I have been holding off on them because I have a hard time making decisions. I am scared a lot of making a mistake. I overanalyze like its my second job.
But I have learned a lot this year. I never realized how much my mother and family hurt me and how much anger I have towards them. I always knew I hated my job but because its such an incredible company I have stayed for the greater good of my marriage. But now I think about it..Why did I stay when I have been so unhappy? Its been 5 1/2 years of unhappiness. I stayed because my stbxah wanted me too. Wow.
And I still have very little energy and a lot of anxiety.
I made myself a promise that I will start being more vigilant about going to alanon regularly. I am also working on my energy level so I can have a more fufilling life.
Please say a prayer for me as this isnt the best time to look for a new job but I have no choice. I need to move on...
Thanks for listening,
Hugs
Lulu
Last edited by lulu1974; 09-13-2010 at 11:02 AM. Reason: forgot to add
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Dear Lulu,
Have a similar problem. I go in and out of depression. Most meds have not worked for me. I just keep doing what I have to and resist the urge to stay in bed or call out from work. If I slug my way through the day I feel better than not. It is important to work on the important stuff you are trying to face and resolve! It requires time and patience with yourself. Therapy and friends and alanon can be helpful but the most important part of your recovery is learning to get up each day and do what needs to be done and then do things for you that you like.
Yesterday for example I listened to music from my younger years and the next thing I know I am up and hopping around (paid for it this a.m.) and feeling good for awhile. Woke up this a.m. feeling like I just had a vacation! And I had to go to work where my husband works - knowing that he ignored my BDay and our anniversary is next week which will be ignored as well. IDK about him, but I can take care of me. YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOU!
Years ago when my mother was still alive I recall being in a depression and having her blame herself for it - my response!- you may have been what started this, but it is up to me to end it. I meant it. We have a choice - you have a choice and you are doing pretty good with that. Keep coming back and doing what you can.
Have a similar problem. I go in and out of depression. Most meds have not worked for me. I just keep doing what I have to and resist the urge to stay in bed or call out from work. If I slug my way through the day I feel better than not. It is important to work on the important stuff you are trying to face and resolve! It requires time and patience with yourself. Therapy and friends and alanon can be helpful but the most important part of your recovery is learning to get up each day and do what needs to be done and then do things for you that you like.
Yesterday for example I listened to music from my younger years and the next thing I know I am up and hopping around (paid for it this a.m.) and feeling good for awhile. Woke up this a.m. feeling like I just had a vacation! And I had to go to work where my husband works - knowing that he ignored my BDay and our anniversary is next week which will be ignored as well. IDK about him, but I can take care of me. YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOU!
Years ago when my mother was still alive I recall being in a depression and having her blame herself for it - my response!- you may have been what started this, but it is up to me to end it. I meant it. We have a choice - you have a choice and you are doing pretty good with that. Keep coming back and doing what you can.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
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Lulu,
You need to accept some setbacks. I have found that they sneak up on me. To me, I am doing everything right and boom, I am not sleeping, the more sleep I lose the more stressed I become.
I believe in the subconcious mind, it is the ruler of your mind and body. Your concious mind believes what the subconcious mind feeds it. Lot more to it, however, every night after you lay down at night, feed your subconcios mind a positive thought like "Tomorrow I will not think about my ex. I do not care what he does or who he is with" Feed the same thought until your concious mind believes it, all of a sudden you will be free of the toxic thoughts that your concious mind is believing. Then after that bad thought is gone, feed your subconcious mind another positive thought. You will find peace, it does work.
You need to accept some setbacks. I have found that they sneak up on me. To me, I am doing everything right and boom, I am not sleeping, the more sleep I lose the more stressed I become.
I believe in the subconcious mind, it is the ruler of your mind and body. Your concious mind believes what the subconcious mind feeds it. Lot more to it, however, every night after you lay down at night, feed your subconcios mind a positive thought like "Tomorrow I will not think about my ex. I do not care what he does or who he is with" Feed the same thought until your concious mind believes it, all of a sudden you will be free of the toxic thoughts that your concious mind is believing. Then after that bad thought is gone, feed your subconcious mind another positive thought. You will find peace, it does work.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by Kassie2 
Dear Lulu,
Have a similar problem. I go in and out of depression. Most meds have not worked for me. I just keep doing what I have to and resist the urge to stay in bed or call out from work. If I slug my way through the day I feel better than not. It is important to work on the important stuff you are trying to face and resolve! It requires time and patience with yourself. Therapy and friends and alanon can be helpful but the most important part of your recovery is learning to get up each day and do what needs to be done and then do things for you that you like.
Yesterday for example I listened to music from my younger years and the next thing I know I am up and hopping around (paid for it this a.m.) and feeling good for awhile. Woke up this a.m. feeling like I just had a vacation! And I had to go to work where my husband works - knowing that he ignored my BDay and our anniversary is next week which will be ignored as well. IDK about him, but I can take care of me. YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOU!
Years ago when my mother was still alive I recall being in a depression and having her blame herself for it - my response!- you may have been what started this, but it is up to me to end it. I meant it. We have a choice - you have a choice and you are doing pretty good with that. Keep coming back and doing what you can.
Have a similar problem. I go in and out of depression. Most meds have not worked for me. I just keep doing what I have to and resist the urge to stay in bed or call out from work. If I slug my way through the day I feel better than not. It is important to work on the important stuff you are trying to face and resolve! It requires time and patience with yourself. Therapy and friends and alanon can be helpful but the most important part of your recovery is learning to get up each day and do what needs to be done and then do things for you that you like.
Yesterday for example I listened to music from my younger years and the next thing I know I am up and hopping around (paid for it this a.m.) and feeling good for awhile. Woke up this a.m. feeling like I just had a vacation! And I had to go to work where my husband works - knowing that he ignored my BDay and our anniversary is next week which will be ignored as well. IDK about him, but I can take care of me. YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOU!
Years ago when my mother was still alive I recall being in a depression and having her blame herself for it - my response!- you may have been what started this, but it is up to me to end it. I meant it. We have a choice - you have a choice and you are doing pretty good with that. Keep coming back and doing what you can.
Thank you so much for all this great information. It helped me so much.
Hugs
Lulu
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Originally Posted by dollydo
Lulu,
You need to accept some setbacks. I have found that they sneak up on me. To me, I am doing everything right and boom, I am not sleeping, the more sleep I lose the more stressed I become.
I believe in the subconcious mind, it is the ruler of your mind and body. Your concious mind believes what the subconcious mind feeds it. Lot more to it, however, every night after you lay down at night, feed your subconcios mind a positive thought like "Tomorrow I will not think about my ex. I do not care what he does or who he is with" Feed the same thought until your concious mind believes it, all of a sudden you will be free of the toxic thoughts that your concious mind is believing. Then after that bad thought is gone, feed your subconcious mind another positive thought. You will find peace, it does work.
You need to accept some setbacks. I have found that they sneak up on me. To me, I am doing everything right and boom, I am not sleeping, the more sleep I lose the more stressed I become.
I believe in the subconcious mind, it is the ruler of your mind and body. Your concious mind believes what the subconcious mind feeds it. Lot more to it, however, every night after you lay down at night, feed your subconcios mind a positive thought like "Tomorrow I will not think about my ex. I do not care what he does or who he is with" Feed the same thought until your concious mind believes it, all of a sudden you will be free of the toxic thoughts that your concious mind is believing. Then after that bad thought is gone, feed your subconcious mind another positive thought. You will find peace, it does work.
Hugs
Lulu
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Berlin, Germany
Posts: 2
Hi Lulu and everyone (I'm new!),
Just to reiterate what everyone's saying... go easy and give yourself a break! Process is process , and it's never finished, and the road isn't a totally linear one where it seems like everything does nothing but move forward all the time. And a quick note from my own experience with big life events: Anniversaries are really hard. Your body, your sub- and un-conscious, all the other levels of yourself remember them even when your conscious mind forgets or thinks it shouldn't be a big deal... so not at all surprising to me you'd be hit by this this week.
Which also means: CONGRATULATIONS. You've made it through a year that doubtless has had a lot of challenge and growth and transformations. If you're getting down on yourself for where you aren't, make sure you're also giving yourself credit for how far you've come and where you are.
hugs
Julie
Just to reiterate what everyone's saying... go easy and give yourself a break! Process is process , and it's never finished, and the road isn't a totally linear one where it seems like everything does nothing but move forward all the time. And a quick note from my own experience with big life events: Anniversaries are really hard. Your body, your sub- and un-conscious, all the other levels of yourself remember them even when your conscious mind forgets or thinks it shouldn't be a big deal... so not at all surprising to me you'd be hit by this this week.
Which also means: CONGRATULATIONS. You've made it through a year that doubtless has had a lot of challenge and growth and transformations. If you're getting down on yourself for where you aren't, make sure you're also giving yourself credit for how far you've come and where you are.
hugs
Julie
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Lulu,
Love the idea of getting up a little earlier for "ME TIME" I used to do it at night before bedtime but current husband interfered with that and was a morning person. So I adjusted myself to getting up earlier and doing a meditation or reading or journalling and sometimes yoga. It gives a great start to the day!
I was so used to getting up and running to work that I never got to actually start the day if you know what I mean. This works wonders! Watch the sunrise, take a walk in the early mist, say good morning to the world before it is contaminated by whatever goes on during the day. I also used to take a walk after work and before dinner to clear my mind from the stresses of the day. Can't walk now so I am trying to find a comfortable and enjoyable routine for an evening transition.
Have to share also that as trying as the last few months have been - God never forgets what our needs are - I needed a handyman - someone to call when I can't do ordinary things or adjustments to little things around the house. Found one this summer - makes me laugh b/c he is a pain but he is proving to me that he is there for me and so when I forget to close the garage door or put the lock on the gate on backwards so that I can't unlock it or the closet doors don't stay closed - someone has my back. God bless him! He does it for all the neighbors and I know he feels good too. Just needed to say that out loud.
Take care!
Love the idea of getting up a little earlier for "ME TIME" I used to do it at night before bedtime but current husband interfered with that and was a morning person. So I adjusted myself to getting up earlier and doing a meditation or reading or journalling and sometimes yoga. It gives a great start to the day!
I was so used to getting up and running to work that I never got to actually start the day if you know what I mean. This works wonders! Watch the sunrise, take a walk in the early mist, say good morning to the world before it is contaminated by whatever goes on during the day. I also used to take a walk after work and before dinner to clear my mind from the stresses of the day. Can't walk now so I am trying to find a comfortable and enjoyable routine for an evening transition.
Have to share also that as trying as the last few months have been - God never forgets what our needs are - I needed a handyman - someone to call when I can't do ordinary things or adjustments to little things around the house. Found one this summer - makes me laugh b/c he is a pain but he is proving to me that he is there for me and so when I forget to close the garage door or put the lock on the gate on backwards so that I can't unlock it or the closet doors don't stay closed - someone has my back. God bless him! He does it for all the neighbors and I know he feels good too. Just needed to say that out loud.
Take care!
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