Back - and Day uno After Last night
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 302
Back - and Day uno After Last night
Ugh! I was doing so well after 22 days! Then last night I slipped and downed (or should I say drowned in) a bottle of wine...
I have no idea what possessed me to do something like that. I was feeling completely depressed, and it kept on creeping up on me until yesterday. After my son's soccer game, my ex left with the boys (his weekend) and my husband was going to be working all day til 12am. We haven't been spending much time together between his working and school and I'm finding it hard to deal with.. all the lonliness. I know it's no excuse.
He also got into an accident totalling his car, so now my car is the only one available. I'm reluctant to let him use it since he "just" crashed his so I take him. Now he wants a car. So, the only way to save is for me to get a job and help buy the car. I have 4 kids and 1 is not in school yet. No way am I letting my mother watch her... (those of you who know my mother starts drinking at 3pm and gets wasted by 5)
So, my husband is never home, my boys are in school, now I may have to get a job to help him get a car.... I don't want to resort to drinking to make my problems go away because I know that won't work. I just don't know how to handle it? I'm a little lost I guess. We got into a fight this morning from 2am til 5am non stop. He's unhappy because I'm miserable and lonely and the cycle goes around and around.
Day 1 again for me and hoping this will NEVER happen again!
I have no idea what possessed me to do something like that. I was feeling completely depressed, and it kept on creeping up on me until yesterday. After my son's soccer game, my ex left with the boys (his weekend) and my husband was going to be working all day til 12am. We haven't been spending much time together between his working and school and I'm finding it hard to deal with.. all the lonliness. I know it's no excuse.
He also got into an accident totalling his car, so now my car is the only one available. I'm reluctant to let him use it since he "just" crashed his so I take him. Now he wants a car. So, the only way to save is for me to get a job and help buy the car. I have 4 kids and 1 is not in school yet. No way am I letting my mother watch her... (those of you who know my mother starts drinking at 3pm and gets wasted by 5)
So, my husband is never home, my boys are in school, now I may have to get a job to help him get a car.... I don't want to resort to drinking to make my problems go away because I know that won't work. I just don't know how to handle it? I'm a little lost I guess. We got into a fight this morning from 2am til 5am non stop. He's unhappy because I'm miserable and lonely and the cycle goes around and around.
Day 1 again for me and hoping this will NEVER happen again!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hey...you had 22 great sober days...from what I remember you only made it a few before...so try to look at it in a positive light.
So you've got crap in your life to deal with..I know you know drinking isn't helping. For me, the sobriety is secondary to constantly working on where my head is at. I live alone so I'm frequently lonely...instead of letting myself wallow or get bummed I try to think of solutions to the problem...when I am lonely I come here a lot since getting sober...no duh...look at how much I post;-)
You did great with 22 days...you just forgot to reach out when you got lonely...remember HALT. Don't let yourself get hungry, angry, lonely or tired in early recovery:-)
So you've got crap in your life to deal with..I know you know drinking isn't helping. For me, the sobriety is secondary to constantly working on where my head is at. I live alone so I'm frequently lonely...instead of letting myself wallow or get bummed I try to think of solutions to the problem...when I am lonely I come here a lot since getting sober...no duh...look at how much I post;-)
You did great with 22 days...you just forgot to reach out when you got lonely...remember HALT. Don't let yourself get hungry, angry, lonely or tired in early recovery:-)
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sorry to hear that, eremc,
Glad you're back here with us. I fail to see why you "have" to go to work because your husband totalled his car. Maybe you can work something out where he gets a ride three days a week and he takes it two or something.
You already know that drinking won't help anything.
I seem to recall you had an aversion to the idea of AA, but it might help to have some sober friends in your life. Maybe try a meeting during the time the kids are in school? Just a thought.
Hope you feel better.
Glad you're back here with us. I fail to see why you "have" to go to work because your husband totalled his car. Maybe you can work something out where he gets a ride three days a week and he takes it two or something.
You already know that drinking won't help anything.
I seem to recall you had an aversion to the idea of AA, but it might help to have some sober friends in your life. Maybe try a meeting during the time the kids are in school? Just a thought.
Hope you feel better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
so now you know one of your big triggers? You tend to want to drink when you feel angry and overwhelmed?
4 young children and a husband both working and going to school is going to leave you a LOT of *alone* time...I think a job out of your home environment would actually be good for you...just part time and nothing too stressful, but it gives you something else to focus on out of your contained world....away from Mom too...you would be among other people and have to be sober to work.
4 young children and a husband both working and going to school is going to leave you a LOT of *alone* time...I think a job out of your home environment would actually be good for you...just part time and nothing too stressful, but it gives you something else to focus on out of your contained world....away from Mom too...you would be among other people and have to be sober to work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 302
Yes... I hate feeling overwhelmed and I can't let any of my anger out because I'm always around the kids. I want to scream or yell but can't. Makes me even more angry. I found that not drinking anymore released a ton of stress and I was able to deal with things so much better. But lately some things have been building up. I need to get back to that time when I felt like I could get through stressful issues. I don't know what happened but I'm definitely NOT picking up a drink again!!! It felt so bizarre and uncomfortable walking into the liquor store. I was thinking "I should just get scratch offs and walk out.." guess I forgot the scratch offs.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Whistler, British Columbia
Posts: 222
We all used to hide behind drinking when life hit us right between the eyes. Use this lession in remembering that.
Think about all the postitives in your post. I gather your husband was not hurt in the car accident and that is a huge positive. And insurance is for this type of thing and a car is only a material object at the end of the day.
Any way you and hubby can get away for a evening or some quiet time together to catch up?
I know having 4 kids is a lot to manage as I am in the same boat as you. But I use my 4 kids to keep sober knowing that I am doing them good in the long run. My parents all drank as well all my family, Thier family also did the same.
The cycle breaks now with me and you can do this to.
Think about all the postitives in your post. I gather your husband was not hurt in the car accident and that is a huge positive. And insurance is for this type of thing and a car is only a material object at the end of the day.
Any way you and hubby can get away for a evening or some quiet time together to catch up?
I know having 4 kids is a lot to manage as I am in the same boat as you. But I use my 4 kids to keep sober knowing that I am doing them good in the long run. My parents all drank as well all my family, Thier family also did the same.
The cycle breaks now with me and you can do this to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 302
Yes, he was fine besides some chest pain from his seatbelt so we are grateful for that! And the car is just a car.. that's what I told him after it happened because he felt so horrible and stupid. It's just an accident and just a car. I wish we could get some alone time.. but he works so much at night and has schoolwork. The kids, also, have a lot of after school activities which keeps me very busy so there's just not much time for us leftover. The important thing is I'm back here, and that's a good start.
I feel irritated at myself for messing up my sobriety.
I feel irritated at myself for messing up my sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,357
I hate feeling overwhelmed and I can't let any of my anger out because I'm always around the kids. I want to scream or yell but can't. Makes me even more angry.
I was always taught to not make a scene...so I pretty much internalised everything.
Looking back I think it was pretty inevitable I turned to drink and other stuff.
All that weight was just too much to carry alone, you know?
I've learned now I don't have to do it alone.
I've learned to reach out, and not to bury things - I let things out, even if only here.
I'm glad you're back eremc - but use us....we're here to help.
and do think about Lexies suggestion - a lunchtime meeting - getting real life face to face support and guidance - might help I think
D
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
I am also glad you are back. I'm a mom, with 2 NEEDY MESSY teenagers. I really don't know how you do it with 4, but if you can handle that, you can SURE beat THIS!! LOL
I agree that a part time job in a non stressful environment could be good for you. Like how about a book store or coffee shop? I have a part time job, and sometimes I may think it stresses me out to have to go there, once I'm there, talking to grown ups all day, I realize it is something for me to let my own personality out.
I hope you keep posting like last time. It seemed to really help.
:ghug3
I agree that a part time job in a non stressful environment could be good for you. Like how about a book store or coffee shop? I have a part time job, and sometimes I may think it stresses me out to have to go there, once I'm there, talking to grown ups all day, I realize it is something for me to let my own personality out.
I hope you keep posting like last time. It seemed to really help.
:ghug3
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Remember that those 22 days are still something for you to be very proud of. It's hard to be a wife and mom (everyone wants a piece of you), so take it easy on yourself. I like julez's suggestion of a part time job (low stress, contact with adults).
I did whatever I could to keep things "under-whelming" the first month or two. I had a hard time multi-tasking like I used to, so I let some things go (cooking, gardening, etc.). It got a whole lot better, though. So if you need some time to think about the possibility of a job or other solutions to the car problem, take it slowly. It will work out. The main thing is to be good to yourself (stay sober).
Glad you're posting!
I did whatever I could to keep things "under-whelming" the first month or two. I had a hard time multi-tasking like I used to, so I let some things go (cooking, gardening, etc.). It got a whole lot better, though. So if you need some time to think about the possibility of a job or other solutions to the car problem, take it slowly. It will work out. The main thing is to be good to yourself (stay sober).
Glad you're posting!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Eremc....I am sorry you are going through this rough patch but you can get through this and you can do so while sober.
I too know all to well what it is like to be hit with a ton of bricks and not know how to get through.
I too closed up and turned to drinking (even though I knew it wasn't the answer) to help cope with the stress.
What I can tell you is that nothing in life can't be handled sober. This is where the support comes in.
Come on here....get to a meeting or counseling. You need positive means of handling these ups and downs.
You have the proven will and desire to get sober but I think you need the support my friend.
Stay strong and reach out....
I too know all to well what it is like to be hit with a ton of bricks and not know how to get through.
I too closed up and turned to drinking (even though I knew it wasn't the answer) to help cope with the stress.
What I can tell you is that nothing in life can't be handled sober. This is where the support comes in.
Come on here....get to a meeting or counseling. You need positive means of handling these ups and downs.
You have the proven will and desire to get sober but I think you need the support my friend.
Stay strong and reach out....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
hope you are having a better day and planning something to take your stress and aggressions out...away from the kids....
take your 22 days and put them in your "sober bank" they do count!
how are your "barista" skills? can you do something like this, even a couple of hours a day?
take your 22 days and put them in your "sober bank" they do count!
how are your "barista" skills? can you do something like this, even a couple of hours a day?
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
How old are your kids? I took a nighttime job which helps a lot (couple of nights, not much). Does your DH work every night?
Do you go to the gym at all? That's a huge help to me with my anxiety/stress.
It's a very steep learning curve as you figure out how to manage life without alcohol. I'm realizing it's less about big revelations/magic and more about hard slogging practice! It's like I'm retraining my brain how to process things. IDK how you grew up but I personally was never taught how to deal with stress (except with a bottle). I wasn't allowed to express any extremes of emotions (like Dee74). Learning this stuff 30 years too late isn't easy
You'll be OK. Keep working on it.
Do you go to the gym at all? That's a huge help to me with my anxiety/stress.
It's a very steep learning curve as you figure out how to manage life without alcohol. I'm realizing it's less about big revelations/magic and more about hard slogging practice! It's like I'm retraining my brain how to process things. IDK how you grew up but I personally was never taught how to deal with stress (except with a bottle). I wasn't allowed to express any extremes of emotions (like Dee74). Learning this stuff 30 years too late isn't easy
You'll be OK. Keep working on it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 302
Barista skills?? Not a clue what that is! LOL
And the weekly schedule is quite .. a lot. My husband goes to school m-w-f (1 class is at a different campus than the others) and works everyday (even on school days either before or after school or both) so he's running all over the place all day. The boys are 13, 8, and 5. They get home from school at 2:30 or so and m-w-f have cross country for the 2 older ones plus guitar lessons on wednesdays after school for both, then thurs. my 5yr old has soccer. My daughter is 2 and doesn't do much but hang with mommy all day My morning goes like this: boys get ready for school, I see them off then drive Hubby to first class, then to the other campus for rest of his classes, then to his work after that. It's diff. every day though, the order of it all. Tues-Thurs he just works all day. Weekends he works parties so it's usually very late when he gets done and every other night he has schoolwork, plus I'm helping the boys with their stuff and driving them to activities.
Wow, I'm exhausted just knowing that's what I do all the time now. HAHA!!
He really needs a car.. I do have a job interview next week for a part time job and I already clean a house every other Saturday morning. I exercise at home with my treadmill and stepper.
Money will always be a problem! Can't make that disappear anytime soon.
And the weekly schedule is quite .. a lot. My husband goes to school m-w-f (1 class is at a different campus than the others) and works everyday (even on school days either before or after school or both) so he's running all over the place all day. The boys are 13, 8, and 5. They get home from school at 2:30 or so and m-w-f have cross country for the 2 older ones plus guitar lessons on wednesdays after school for both, then thurs. my 5yr old has soccer. My daughter is 2 and doesn't do much but hang with mommy all day
My morning goes like this: boys get ready for school, I see them off then drive Hubby to first class, then to the other campus for rest of his classes, then to his work after that. It's diff. every day though, the order of it all. Tues-Thurs he just works all day. Weekends he works parties so it's usually very late when he gets done and every other night he has schoolwork, plus I'm helping the boys with their stuff and driving them to activities. Wow, I'm exhausted just knowing that's what I do all the time now. HAHA!!
He really needs a car.. I do have a job interview next week for a part time job and I already clean a house every other Saturday morning. I exercise at home with my treadmill and stepper.
Money will always be a problem! Can't make that disappear anytime soon.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 426
Pick yourself up and try again. Take what you learned in 22 days, combine it with the fact that you KNOW what put you over the edge (you felt the slip comming from a mile away - and still fell) and add that to your tool bag to keep it from getting there next time. You CAN do this and yes you have a lot going on, but you and I know that drinking is NOT going to help in any way shape or form. I have to be honest I had gotten a little worried about you as your activity posting on here seemed to drop way off from what you had been, and I was concerned you stopped working on yourself and there might be a problem. I am on 34 days today and I thought I was hopeless. Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
I just want you to know that you are far from being the only one who has a busy schedule, kids, and a husband who is not overly helpful. I can relate well to what you are going through! It is very stressful, and for me, stress is a huge trigger. SO, don't be too hard on yourself for the slip. learn from it -- obviously, you were feeling overwhelmed and turned to something you know. I almost did that yesterday at 100 days sober. Problem is, i know, inside me, I know, it isn't going to help anything. And then I will have to deal with the remorse that I drank. .. and possibly not be able to get out of that hell again.
I know how hard it is to be a mom, and a very busy one, but we have to find a way to take care of ourselves. If we don't, we cannot be there for our kids (or our husbands if we care about that!). So, pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and carry on. Move forward and put this unfortunate episode behind you.
You can do it. And come here when you feel like giving in. Even if you don't post, just read. Or head over to the chat room. . .it really does help.
I know how hard it is to be a mom, and a very busy one, but we have to find a way to take care of ourselves. If we don't, we cannot be there for our kids (or our husbands if we care about that!). So, pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and carry on. Move forward and put this unfortunate episode behind you.
You can do it. And come here when you feel like giving in. Even if you don't post, just read. Or head over to the chat room. . .it really does help.
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
as long as i believed that alcohol/drugs were the solution to stress, or any other problem, it continued to be my solution. i had to destroy that delusion and find actual solutions. working a 12 step program and all that comes with that is my primary source, as well as exercise, good nutrition, laughter, and daily prayer and meditation.
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