mama36

Second meeting tonight and it was awesome! There were 4 other women there and my old landlord from 18 years or something like that ago...weird. I stayed behind at the end and I got a lot of hugs, a lot of encouraging words, lots of welcomes, lots of warmth and 2 phone numbers. I just can't believe how great it is. I wasn't sure I was going to get to go with hubby out of town but he rushed home just so that I could make it...had 3 minutes to spare.

I shared once again, crying ever harder as my turn went on. What a relief it is to be able to say, "I was mean and angry and fell on my face slobbering drunk and...and...and" and have so many people tell me that I am going to be okay and that I am in the right place. There were several in the group tonight with MANY years of sobriety under their belt. It was very encouraging and wonderful!!

Once again, because of my meeting with the AA folks I am on cloud nine...it's great to be alive today and even better because I know that I am going to wake with a clear head tomorrow. I always make Sunday dinner in the fall and winter months and I have NOT been sober for that meal in a very long time...can't wait until tomorrow.

By the Grace of God I am here today and will hopefully be sober for a very long time. Oh, and I almost forgot...I read all of the forwards and all the way through to chapter 4 in my Big Book today and that too is a very helpful step that I have taken.

We were born...born...born...born to be ALIVE...to be alive...to be alive...and that is just how I feel after both my first and second meetings with my fellow abnormal drinkers!!

SweetCityWoman

Hey Mama - Great to hear about your meeting and how good you are feeling. You are indeed on a good path. I totally know and share the feelings you are having about not drinking and about AA. I am sharing the path and walking together with you. All this only works if we reach out and share and recognize we are not standing all alone and lost. I am so happy to be in this place with you!!!

yeahgr8

Good for you...quite a relief huh!

Antiderivative

That is awesome. You have a new lease on life and it feels great.

You don't have to self-inflict pain, misery, and a slow death upon yourself anymore because that is what practicing alcoholics do.

You are right, we were born to be alive and free.

Dee74

Great!

D

mama36

Hey Sweeeeeeeeet...I am happy to be on this journey with you too. I know, I am so young in the battle and maybe being too hopeful that this is going to stick but right now I have moments each day, especially after my meetings, when I feel so wonderful I just embrace that. This way those down times and shaky mornings are easier to deal with. Am I scared that I am not going to make it, absolutely but a little fear and common sense never hurt anyone. I am going to be as positive and as head strong as I possibly can be in my recovery. I want so badly to laugh just to laugh, not so people will think I am okay.

This is the first Saturday night in a VERY long time that I just can't wait to see tomorrow...

Rock on Sweet...

ItWillBeWorthIt

I am so happy to hear you are on the right track and so positive about your new journey. Have fun making that special dinner for your family and truly enjoy your day knowing you will be sober and feeling so much better than last week.

Good for you Donna.

least

I am happy for you!

LexieCat

So glad you found another good meeting. You are off to a good start by finding your way in the door and opening up to people. Good job!

Just a couple of comments about your post. You refer to being "in the battle." In Step 1, we admit we are powerless over alcohol. Thus, we can't "fight" it. I know a couple of people who continually struggle with alcohol, unable to stay sober, because they continue to view this as some kind of "battle" they are determined to "win". The only way I was able to have some peace and freedom from alcohol was to surrender completely. The BB says, "And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol."

I'm not criticizing your choice of words, only suggesting that as long as you think of this as a "battle" or a "fight" you are likely to continue to struggle.

Your other comment, "I am going to be as positive and as head strong as I possibly can be in my recovery," also evidences something that might get in your way. While being positive is a GOOD thing--I think being negative creates big problems in recovery--being "head strong" works against you. I know it sounds like I'm picking your words apart, and maybe by "head strong" you just mean "really determined" (which is fine--again, a good thing, if it means that's how you are going to work the program of recovery). But to me, "head strong" implies that this is something we can "beat" on our own by sheer willpower, mental effort, and stubbornness. As I noted above, we can't "beat" alcohol that way--it doesn't CARE how stubborn and strong we are.

Moreover, recovery requires that we OPEN our minds, that we let go of old ideas, and become teachable. Sometimes (quite often, especially in the beginning) the program requires us to do things that seem counterintuitive. Surrender, admission of powerlessness, reliance on a power greater than ourselves, trusting the guidance of a sponsor as we work the Steps.

So, I hope it doesn't sound like I'm scolding you--I'm not. It's just that it's important to kinda open ourselves up to thinking about things in a different way from how we are accustomed to tackling various problems in our lives.

BB quote 1st Ed.

FBL

Glad that you're getting help and are on the sober path. Keep it up, it just keeps getting better and better

mama36

Lexie,

I REALLY appreciate your words and concern about what I was saying. Like I said, I am new in "my surrender" process and the things you said are a real eye opener. I spent a good bit of time on my Big Book yesterday and again before turning in last night. I am now up to chapter 6, including all forwards, and am learning some of what you are saying there too! I suppose I need to look at this as a process rather than a battle. It was a battle before September 4th, now it is a process.

You have wonderful words of wisdom and I thank you so much for that...I know you are not scolding me, only helping a fellow alcoholic to find her way.

The spiritual part already scares me, not because I don't belive in my God because I do, but because I have never truly called on him before. I have done some serious thinking, sitting outside looking at the wonderful world and the sky, talking this over with myself and I am going to get to a point where I feel comfortable with that process. For now, I have asked God to help me to find my way with steps 2 and 3, if that makes any sense.

The words you spoke and the things you said are the reason that I am here, because I don't know how to do this on my own and I can't win the "battle". I know that, this is a wonderful place and people and words like yours are why I keep coming back...so I can learn to live being sober, not to fight the bottle.

THANK YOU SO MUCH LEXIE...

:ghug3

Anna

I'm glad things are going so well, Mama!

I also had to make a spiritual connection with myself, and that was essential for me to recover.

mama36

It is posts like the one from Lexie that, while they kinda knock you down off of your high horse, they make you realize that yeah, maybe I am getting a little (or a lot) ahead of myself. I guess I knew last night that maybe I was but I also wanted to believe that I will get through this. I AM trying very hard to accept and work the steps, read my book, go to meetings, search my soul and take stock of why I have kept coming back to the drink...as I have learned on this site, this is not easy nor is it going to be easy but with the help of all of my resources, including this site, I will find my way and until then I will keep on keeping on.

LexieCat

It makes a whole lot of sense to me. And what makes it REALLY different, for me, is to consider the possibility of not just calling on God to save my butt from whatever I'm over my head in at the moment, but to handle life in general for me, whether I'm in a jam or not.

If you've got a God and don't hate him/her/it, then you've got a leg up on a lot of people. Use it!

barb dwyer

Welcome to the Fellowship....

stephnc

Hey, mama! Congratulations on your second meeting...that's "AAWESOME", as one of my friends would say. And don't you for a minute believe you need to be knocked off any high horse, your enthusiasm is absolutely wonderful...I've been grinning from ear to ear reading this thread. Keep up the good work, girl!

Stephanie

mama36

Thank you, again. I really am truly trying to find my way...it is day 9 and this moring I woke to shakes, tears, anxiety...but my son will be home today, we will have a spectacular family meal, watch movies and then spend some time just being together. Those are the things that make today so great...that and I am sober and have no hangover.

LexieCat

You were right, when you said it is a process. There are 12 Steps (not just one) for a reason.

You can work the Steps as fast as you want, so long as you do them as thoroughly as you can.

Your enthusiasm is GREAT, and I don't want to diminish that for one second. Full speed ahead! I dilly-dallied waaaayyyy too long before getting down to work, but it isn't something I recommend. The sooner you get to the meat of your recovery, the sooner you're, well, RECOVERED.

SweetCityWoman

Hi Mama - I agree that it is very early in our journey and I to worry that this rush of excitment about being sober might not last and as you said - maybe we are being too hopeful. I call this a "flight into health". This to me says something about our styles. I think we both are well aware that this road is usually bumpy and can have set-backs. That is what defines this trip we are on. I think right now we are feeling the contrast from several weeks ago and today - huge. My way of expressing this is with a burst of excitment and activity in the direction of health. This involves not drinking, eating healthy, walking the dogs each day and going to meetings. I feel empowered and in control. This does not mean I don't also recognize I can't do this alone and there meetings are helping me structure my life and feel acceptance and support from others who have traveled this road.

Since I am also new to the AA way of thinking I struggle to understand the words - like many of us do esp. at the beginning. But I am learning that my goal is not to drink and each person comes to understand AA in a way that fits in their skin. If I force this then it won't work for me. Sort of like exercise - you must adapt it to your needs and lifestyle or you won't continue (or you will and hate it). So I was given a Big Book but right now am focused only on going to meetings and making this part of my life. It is new and scary and I am trying to reclaim the "me" that was lost to drinking all these years and slowly begin to grow into myself - something that got pushed aside as wine took over my life.

mama36

You are a beautiful person Sweet...I am so thankful for all of your kind words. Thanks for travelling this unknown territory with me...it's a blessing to have somebody to live this with.

I'm here and that is what counts and as you mentioned...this is so completely exciting and I love it.

Thanks for the pm...I don't chat so please keep in touch that way or on the posts...I feel as though I need that.