kia

hiya just thought id post this as this has gotta be a prime example of quacking my ABF has invented a new illness that even google hasnt heard of to cover his disappearence for 4 days and the fact that he obviously couldnt be bothered to get out of his can of beer to contact me its called arto-plaxia and apparently its contagious so much so google doesnt seem to have heard of it maybe someone should contact them with this new illlness cos there could be an epidemic hes a joke isnt he must think i came down on the last bananna boat knew he couldnt keep up act for long but i know its not him its this drink sickness just thought id share this thanks for listening xxxkia

prich

Kia, you are crackin me up girl. I am guessing its another "excuse" for absence. Tell him to notify your public health department as they may need to know about his diagnosis in case someone contacts them with the same symptoms, being rude, obnoxious and lying their a** off.

suki44883

Just wondering how long you are going to let all this continue. Is having a boyfriend so important that you would continue to live with this nonsense? You knew he was still drinking when you decided to go back with him, so why does any of this garbage surprise you?

kia

well i kinda think u gotta laugh eh otherwise u cry and havent slept in days worrying what had happened to him as last communication was he wasnt well and was staying in bed all day his neighbour tells me was hangover and not sickness as he said, so this one little message put my mind at rest and means i can sleep tonite knowing hes ok but yes i agree i will do that cos more than one with this illness omg how would we cope eh xxxxkia

kia

to be honest it doesnt surprise me and i dont live with him nooooo the time i spend with him is for most part ok, then i come home to find my peace and i suppose i carry on with it cos i love him and am hoping for the miracle to come wouldnt be the first woman coping with an A who wishes for that,. he is a lovely guy till he goes past that line as they all are i suppose and its that quiet guy im in love with not this one who gives me a load of lies and thinks ill believe it. I do worry about posting on here however cos i do feel im attacked for my decisions to stay with him cos i read others posts who stay with their A who seem to be supported and i just seem to told serves u right u chose it and dont get any support and sometimes it stops me posting on here cos really i dont need i told u so off here too got all my friends and family doing that already rant over now will go back to just reading again

JenT1968

sweetheart, how long are you willing to wait around on the off-chance that you become the first woman whose wishes for a miracle come through?

I fervently wish I had not spent my 20's and most of my 30's with men whose behaviour I didn't like, one who was a coke addict, who had many "unexplained" absences and multiple other women on the go (often my "friends"), and one who was an alcoholic, would pass out whilst looking after our kids, was abusive and incoherent and full of paranoid rage. WHy did I do that?

It never got better. With either of them. Sure that might have been the odd day, or if he'd done something really bad and I'd laid down the law the odd week where things were a bit better than normal, but actually my "good times" weren't as good as most couples bad times, because the fear and worry of it all coming back was always there.

The world is filled with people, what is so special about him that spending your one and only life waiting for him to experience a miracle is ok with you?

JenT1968

Sorry Hun, I just read your last post properly, I am not attacking you for staying, I really understand why you do: like I said I spent 16 year with 2 addicts: I'm a slow learner. I also know that my life is so much better now, and if I could go back in time and meet my younger me, this is the stuff I would tell her. Out of Love, and to save me wasting my precious youth.

You are not my younger me, and I apologise if this came accross as hostile, it really isn't meant to be. Right now, you don't live with him, you have no children together, or financial ties, you are young and all of life's possibilities are within your grasp. I don't know why that triggers me to want to shout "RUN" before it gets more complex, and that is my issue not yours.

How is the boundary setting going?

veryregretful

My AH previously was gone two time and I let him back both times while drinking. Never really put it to him he can't back till he gets help. This time he has been gone over a week and just today told him he can't come back till he is sober and has treatment. That was a big one for me.

My guy is a "good guy" while not drinking. But after waiting 20 years for him to sober up I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I have to go on with my life. With him or without him.

I told him my intentions of selling the house. I can't sell for at least 6 months so I told him if he gets sober and gets treatment we might be able to do it together. That is a big might. Either way, I'm selling. Right now cleaning up and throwing it away. Getting it ready. I need to move on with my life. And staying here is too many bad memories.

To want to be where I'm at in 20 years with 2 kids? Ones depressed and cutting herself partly because of his drinking. And being bankrupt. I don't think so. Cut the ties now. I wish someone told me that years ago.....

veryregretful

okay I reread your posts. You don't live with him but you may in the future then you will be where myself and JenT are/were. We just don't want you being where we are and having to start over with the pain, regret, etc that i have now.

Good Luck!

kia

its ok ive no intention of moving in with him i got my own house here and he aint getting in here till hes sober even then will prob insist he gets his own place first i dont ever jump in with both feet havent ever done that i work things out in my head and if i cant then i stay were i am till i can do but i know where your both coming from ive no intentions of been 20 years down the line and hes no better i do have an end i will reach but who knows when sorry for going off on a bit of a rant but even i let things get to me xxkia

Summerpeach

I need to say this, she is being attacked for making her choices.
It's so very EASY for others here to tell others what they should do. This is never tolerated in an al anon meeting, so it should not be tolerated here.,
NO ONE should feel fearful of posting here. NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kia, I see from the other thread now he cheated on you, so I know you're going to be facing a whole new set of pains, but I can tell you this, in my walls of Al Anon and when I was going to a AA Al Anon couples group, I've heard THE WORST stories and many of these people recovered together and went on to happiness.

My home group leader had a horrible husband. She left him, went to Al Anon, 6 months into it, he joined AA, they healed together and now 15 yrs later they are happy. I mean really happy.

I'm not saying your story (or mine) will end up like the happy ones, but not all the opinions and advice here is correct. This is only what worked for these people and may not work for everyone.

Keep taking care of you

KerBearz

Hi Kia,
I just wanted to say that I am not judging you for you decisions... I have been married for 22 years to an alcoholic. We have had good times and we have had really, really bad times and I have never once even asked him to leave. Because, like you, I love him. It is easy for me to say to you "leave him!" from my comfy chair in my living room because I don't have any of the emotions tied up in your relationship. It has not been so easy for me to make this decision for myself.
I am hoping and praying for a complete restoration of our marriage... it may happen and it may not. So, I come here and I read and then I apply the advice given here to my own life as I see fit.
My marriage may make it or it may not ~ this will all be determined in time. In the meantime, I seek support for myself from SR, Al-anon, God, friends and family. Whatever happens in the future with my AH and my marriage, I will have people in my life who will help me get on with my life. Keep posting here, Kia. Some of us understand your decisions and some of us don't... but we do care about you.

kia

thank u summer peach means so much