IbizaSunshine

Hi - I joined today after stumbling across this site looking for some answers.

I wouldnt consider myself as an alcoholic.. Or maybe I am in denial?

I open a bottle of wine most evenings after my son is in bed, if i dont drink wine I have trouble sleeping - athough recently my sleep has been very disturbed even with a few drinks - I fall asleep then wake and cannot get back to sleep with my mind racing!.

I stopped drinking the other week for 8 days just to prove to myself that I could.

My trouble seems to be the fact that I use it as a crutch and when things go wrong I will intentionally drink until I pass out. I will shut myself in the house with my supplies and not move until I have blocked out whatever has gone wrong etc etc.

When I am with friends I have noticed that I drink much faster then they do - I almost drink with the intention of getting drunk rather than just for pleasure.... Everyone thinks Im "so funny" "hilarious" "Life and soul of the party" "crazy & wild" but really I am a fairly messed up individual with not a great past.

I have always had an addictive nature - Im not very good and doing a "little bit" of anything. I used to have a recreational drug habit but not any more - I am scared that my "few little glasses of wine" or my "drinking to get over the latest trauma" is masking something worse...?

Advice....?

Sally x

Happier

Welcome. I can certainly relate to a lot of what you said. Sounds like something I could have written although I would usually drink beer or hard liquor. I'm slow to give out advice other than to keep reading and keep posting. The more posts that I read the more answers I found and the more similarities I saw between me and others on this site. In my experience it was obvious that I was on a "path" and there was no denying where it would end unless I made some changes.
Wishing you all the best on your journey.

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community.....

Good for you... taking a hard look at why you drink
can be the start of sobriety.
Please do keep posting with us.....

Blessings to you and your son

wpainterw

Ibiza:
How super of you to have the insight and courage to raise this issue so early on! From the account you have given of yourself I suspect that you may already be familiar with the items on the well known checklist which is often given to patients when they inquire whether they might be alcoholic or developing alcoholism. This checklist is available, I'm sure, on the AA website, which you can access by googling or otherwise searching under Alcoholics Anonymous. Maybe it's even available on this (SoberRecovery) website! Also, if you choose you may wish to raise this issue with your doctor.It's an illness and should not be approached with a moralistic point of view. And it's so much better to deal with in its early stages! Good luck and do keep in touch.

W.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I don't think it's so important that you put a label on it or not.

But, if alcohol is causing problems in your life, then stopping could be the answer for you. I also drank alone and hid my drinking when possible, and omg I sure did want to drink to obliterate my thoughts.

lildawg

Well, I started drinking every day because of the insomnia I've suffered all my life. I seriously remember lying in bed when I was in grade school watching the numbers on the huge digital clock progress.

I was the life of the party, too, when I drank. Everybody thought I was funny. I was (unlike the real me) outgoing and gregarious. Everybody wanted to be my friend. Everybody wanted to hang out with me.

So, since drinking was such a positive thing for me, I did it more and more. Eventually, my drinking progressed into less positive things -- injuring myself, declining health, erratic behavior, and mood swings.

I'm not saying that's what will happen to you. I am saying, though, that drinking has a way of sneaking up on you. If you think you have a problem, you probably do. I think the hardest thing, in such an early stage, is truly recognizing how severe things can get. I commend you for thinking about your alcohol consumption.

If you're just drinking to sleep and relieve stress, perhaps you could seek some other methods for relaxation. Meditating works for some people. You might even try a sleep clinic for your insomnia.

I wish you the best.

wpainterw

P.S. Here's a fairly decent checklist I obtained by googling with the search terms <ncadd-sfv.org/symptoms/symptom_checklist>. I'm sure there are several others available merely by doing a search with words like <alcoholism, checklist, symptoms, diagnosis> etc.

W.

Chloe60

When I read your post, I kept saying, “Me too!” I drank wine in the evenings to help me sleep and to take off the stress of the day. I totally used it as a crutch, but could also stay away from it when I tested myself.

I too could drink faster and more than my friends without appearing drunk. I am a fairly small female, and I remember a very large male friend say he’s never known another woman who could keep up with him like I could. I thought to myself, “It’s not such a great claim to fame.”

Recently, I just decided my evening wine was too much! It became daily. I had a few bad days in there where I would intentionally “drink myself to sleep”. I too have an addictive personality and decided enough was enough. In my case I had family history to consider and I thought about my kids too. (I’m on day 46)

I found that reading here on SR helped me a lot. There are folks with every degree of addiction here, and IMO they get you to think in the right direction.

Hope to hear more from you...

NEOMARXIST

If you're an alcoholic then it will progress and get worse. An alcoholic can never drink 'normally' or moderately or whatever else term you want to use. The likelyhood is that alcohol will take everything away from you and your mental health will go to pieces. That's certainly what the reality for me is.

If you're not an alcoholic then you'll be able to stop drinking and sort yourself out and then drink sensibly and moderately.

I am an alcoholic and for me then the only drink that I have to stay away from is the first one. One is too many and 100, 000 never enough!

Drinking would destroy me and take everything I hold dear with it in the process.

For me then I had to accept myself as an alcoholic to my innermost core to stand a chance of staying gratefully sober. I use AA, SR + much wisdom from elsewhere too.

All The Best.

least

I agree. If it's causing problems or giving you 'second thoughts' then best to do without it altogther. For me there was no moderating. I drank to get drunk, I drank to forget my life for a while. I'm so much better off sober. Drinking again just isn't worth it to me.

Welcome to SR!

DJ1

Ibiza
Your post was if I was writing it myself but I am now a few years on from that it went to I'll just have one drink then finsih a bottle or 2 then I needed that drink to get through the ill feeling

I am so please you found this site before anything further

julez

Ibiza,
I also wasn't sure if I am an alcoholic or not. I think I had all the stereotypical thoughts of what an alcoholic actually was (couldnt hold a job or relationship, got dui's, drank in the morning, etc). But when I read through the forums here, and saw all the similarities, and finally understood what it REALLY means to be an alcoholic, I couldn't really deny the problem I have with drinking. A couple really caught my attention. One is, "If you have to think about your drinking, have to try and moderate it, you probably have a problem. Normal drinkers don't think about moderation, they do it." Another was "Its not how often or how much you drink, its what happens when you DO drink". I couldnt deny that those statements were true in my case. I hope you can take a hard look at yourself and realize what YOUR truth is. Because until you can clearly define what it is, you won't get anywhere.

Dee74

Some great advice here IbizaSunshine, so I'll just say welcome.

I agree with what Anna said - regardless of labels, if alcohol is causing problems in your life - and it seems it is - then stopping could be the answer.

You'll find a lot of help and support here anyway

D