Round234

I feel like my relationship is pretty much over. I have had to endure so much hurt and heartache that I don't even know if it is reparable. I absolutely do NOT trust him. He never does anything to make me feel special, and always does stuff that makes me feel horrible. I just am feeling like I'm over it. I just don't know how much longer I can deal with it. He's a friggen ass. I just don't know how he doesn't see how much he has hurt me and continues to hurt me with his uncaring behavior. He's been in and out of the program for the past 2 years, currently sober for about 3 months. I have been sober for a year now. I don't even know where I'm going with this I just wanted to get it out somewhere I guess. And has anyone else been here?

ChrrisT

Hi Round 234

Feeling the same lately. I am not an alcoholic, but I know what it's like to feel the way you do.

My husband has been sober for 15-16 months now, we had a fight about 3 days and have not spoken since then and I found gum in his truck this morning. He doesn't chew gum unless he's covering something up. But maybe not I don't know.

I think they just don't care - they are too selfish.

We talk about things and at the time it seems all good and I feel like we are both on the same page and he's getting healthy. But it never sticks when we need it too.
Like when we are having a problem it would be nice to have him remember the things he has realized about himself - earlier, but it never works that way. We are always starting over.

I don't know if I am making any sense at all...
But I'm in that same place you seem to be - just sort of hanging here

Eight Ball

I am in the very same place as you round234, feeling like its over for me too. There are lots of us who have been through this. I have felt like this numerous times over the past 22 years, but still hung in there, thinking it was going to get better.

How I got here: On Friday, I had a really bad day at work. I like things to run smoothly at work as my home life is so unreliable and usually go to work for peace. However, I got upset by some back stabbing office politics and spent the day at work crying and trying not to cry. I came home and my AH asked how my day had gone, I said 'not so well, explained a bit' and that was that. He had been drinking again and eventually as the evening went on he started to nitpick a fight with me, angry and even threatened divorce. I went to bed crying. This is when I thought 'this man isnt here for me - ever!' He makes my own problems worse, always has done. When I am dealing with problems outside the home, he piles more on me at home! I also started to think how many more serious problems are going to come my way in the not too distant future - for example my dad or mum dying. My mum currently has cancer and both parents are in their 70's. My AH turns to alcohol in times of stress - his or mine and the thought of him adding to mine whilst I am coping with that fills me with dread.

So thats what has made me think that I feel like its over for me. Words come easy though, now all I have to do is follow through.

Carol Star

To thine own selves be true. When I started to see the real deal in my marriage I started being my own best friend. I had a wonderful Alanon group. It was small and we broke all the cross-talk rules. It was more like a therapy group. Our group (leader) had 20 yrs. "in" Alanon with a son and "alcoholic" husband. She was "old school". That group really saved my life. I also remember one frustrating walk I took when I asked God to help me get sober regardless what my husband did. I went to 3 AA or NA meetings a week. I sobered up 3 yrs. before I seperated from him. He kept doing what he was doing (pot,beer,pills,porn) and we were so different. I also at this time was led to the Melody Beattie books and realized I was a codependent. I was addicted to my husband and obsessed at getting him sober with me. It wedged us apart. I became my own best friend. I got healthy. I gave him to God. I let go . I pick up 6 yrs. this month. He is still "out there". He is losing his (was ours) house now because he got a dui (wasn't his first) went to jail 6 months, lost his job because he refused treatment his job offered to pay for. He bames it all on me which is insane. I don't know him anymore and we have no contact. The disease/allergy/obsession/genetics or whatever it is is so powerful. I hope you go to Alanon and continue to come here for experience, strength and hope. Focus on yourself. Step one. We are powerless over this and our lives are unmanagable. Work the program you wish he would work.

Round234

Thanks everyone for the great replies. I am also starting to believe that it never really gets better. I'm almost waiting for the next big screw up so I can be like bam, thats why we're now not together.

Summerpeach

The only thing we have control over repairing is ourselves. If they come along for the ride, well then ok, if not, well you need to let go and move towards health.

Round234

I ended it today! And I'm pretty pumped about it!