Please remind me to go with HP flow.

Old 09-10-2010, 09:17 PM
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Unhappy Please remind me to go with HP flow.

I have been renting a room in a house for almost a year now since my Ex friend booted me from her basement in a rage. The situation has been stable for me, but I have been looking for more space on my budget. Nothing I could afford out there so I've stayed.

The drama always just blows on over without my getting involved much. I have learned to stick to my boundaries, detach, and move on with my own business.

After a lay off my landlord has become increasingly difficult to deal with. He's very angry and has been highly agitated about anything and everything especially anything to do with finances and bills.

Long story less long....he recently began entering my locked room when I go out. I assumed it was about items being left on in here. I have left a lamp on at night for my dogs and to keep from coming home to a dark house for safety. I've left my TV on when there's been noise outside to keep the dogs from barking. I have been finding things shut off, signs someone has been in my room, my cats hiding in the closet, and my dogs highly agitated. I do not have a web cam or such thing to set up so I set little clues so I would know if someone came it. It would have to be my landlord or someone let in by him, as he is the only one with a key but me.

I started shutting everything off including my computer when I'd go out. I used a battery powered lantern for the dogs and still someone was coming in.

Today, I was out in the morning with all the shades up. No need for lights or such, and still someone came in.

I'd hit my limit.

This has been a violation of my privacy and my rights as a tenant and I've doubted my instincts long enough.

Today, I was polite and upbeat and asked if there was an emergency of some kind around here. He was angry as usual and said no. I asked if he went in my room for some reason (given the lack of emergency). He was defensive and said no. I know the truth so lying to me only seals his fate with me.
I put on my firmest tone without raising my voice and without an ounce of hesitation I told him if daily inspections of my room were going to be required he need to tell me so formally. If not, I consider his entering my room an invasion of privacy and I do not like it and will not have it. I ended with "okay?" asking for understanding and he grumbled a low "okay" back.

Since that time, the retaliation from him has been the most pathetic display. He took all the nightlights out of the house that light my way to the kitchen at night (since I can't get to the switches without nativating in the dark and getting hurt). He rearranged shelves putting my things on the top (I'm 5'3"). He moved all his cars (8 of them) close to the house so I have to park down hill and almost at the neighbor's farm.

I have a call in to a realtor, most of my stuff is still in storage so there's not much to move, my horses are safe across town as I declined to move them to his farm with me, and I've already consulted an attorney about my circumstances.

I'm feeling the hands of my HP again on my back about to push me. It happened when I didn't get the hint with XABF (shove), it happened when I got too comfy at my friend's place (shove), and now this nonsense.

I want to go with the flow and take the hint this time. I've got a plan, some good options and I'm making the calls, but there is still this unrelenting fear that it won't work out. That it will just be another bad hole I fall into. I so want to be lifted by my HP's plan and not find even more hard lessons to learn around the corner. I'm just weary from the lessons of this last year and not sure I can bear any more

How do you let go and take the lead of a universe without this internal panic??

Alice
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Old 09-10-2010, 09:56 PM
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Originally Posted by ItsmeAlice View Post
I have been renting a room in a house for almost a year now since my Ex friend booted me from her basement in a rage. The situation has been stable for me, but I have been looking for more space on my budget. Nothing I could afford out there so I've stayed.

The drama always just blows on over without my getting involved much. I have learned to stick to my boundaries, detach, and move on with my own business.

After a lay off my landlord has become increasingly difficult to deal with. He's very angry and has been highly agitated about anything and everything especially anything to do with finances and bills.

Long story less long....he recently began entering my locked room when I go out. I assumed it was about items being left on in here. I have left a lamp on at night for my dogs and to keep from coming home to a dark house for safety. I've left my TV on when there's been noise outside to keep the dogs from barking. I have been finding things shut off, signs someone has been in my room, my cats hiding in the closet, and my dogs highly agitated. I do not have a web cam or such thing to set up so I set little clues so I would know if someone came it. It would have to be my landlord or someone let in by him, as he is the only one with a key but me.

I started shutting everything off including my computer when I'd go out. I used a battery powered lantern for the dogs and still someone was coming in.

Today, I was out in the morning with all the shades up. No need for lights or such, and still someone came in.

I'd hit my limit.

This has been a violation of my privacy and my rights as a tenant and I've doubted my instincts long enough.

Today, I was polite and upbeat and asked if there was an emergency of some kind around here. He was angry as usual and said no. I asked if he went in my room for some reason (given the lack of emergency). He was defensive and said no. I know the truth so lying to me only seals his fate with me.
I put on my firmest tone without raising my voice and without an ounce of hesitation I told him if daily inspections of my room were going to be required he need to tell me so formally. If not, I consider his entering my room an invasion of privacy and I do not like it and will not have it. I ended with "okay?" asking for understanding and he grumbled a low "okay" back.

Since that time, the retaliation from him has been the most pathetic display. He took all the nightlights out of the house that light my way to the kitchen at night (since I can't get to the switches without nativating in the dark and getting hurt). He rearranged shelves putting my things on the top (I'm 5'3"). He moved all his cars (8 of them) close to the house so I have to park down hill and almost at the neighbor's farm.

I have a call in to a realtor, most of my stuff is still in storage so there's not much to move, my horses are safe across town as I declined to move them to his farm with me, and I've already consulted an attorney about my circumstances.

I'm feeling the hands of my HP again on my back about to push me. It happened when I didn't get the hint with XABF (shove), it happened when I got too comfy at my friend's place (shove), and now this nonsense.

I want to go with the flow and take the hint this time. I've got a plan, some good options and I'm making the calls, but there is still this unrelenting fear that it won't work out. That it will just be another bad hole I fall into. I so want to be lifted by my HP's plan and not find even more hard lessons to learn around the corner. I'm just weary from the lessons of this last year and not sure I can bear any more

How do you let go and take the lead of a universe without this internal panic??

Alice

I still get the internal panic sometimes, it used to wash over me and I could feel the poison (cortisol?) being released into my blood stream, it is awful.

It sucks away my hard won serenity, I've learned if I can just catch it quickly, I can make a conscious effort to stop the fear.

I use faith, I know my HP wants me to be safe, secure and at peace. I trust that HP always has my best interest at heart, and if for some reason it doesn't LOOK that way right now, it's usually because I just don't see the whole "parade", I can only see the small part in front of me.

I say this stuff out loud to myself, it's far more powerful than just thinking it.

I think you are doing all you can right now, short of trying to "take control" and force answers or solutions. You have done everything in your power, now you have to let go of the outcome of your actions.

Sit, be still, calm your mind/body and wait for the universe to present the answers to you. I know if I am preoccupied with panic and fear, the answers will come but I will miss them. Use all the tools you've learned here.

Oh, and good for you for standing up to you landlord, you make me proud. Some people really annoy me, especially the passive-aggressive cowards. Whadda baby.

I don't think these last two places have been holes you have fallen into. They were solutions to you needs at the time, they've served their purposes, and it's just time to move on now. You didn't make any big glaring mistakes either time.

Sending you some MOJO.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Old 09-10-2010, 10:48 PM
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when someone is abusive, it affects us. we put on the armor yet still it's hard to not feel the bullets.

keep doing the next best thing, knowing that he won't "get it" or be respectful, but you have a roof over your head til something breaks.

i'm sorry i don't have any really great advice, but i love your powerful words when you speak to others; i wanted to reach out to you in some small way.

do you have a flashlight?
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Old 09-11-2010, 02:49 AM
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I'd plan on moving out: landlord sounds too crazy.
I found a room to share with a really nice woman during an extended stay back home, through Craig's list.
Why don't you look around and see what's available? Maybe you are being "pushed" because happier circumstances are waiting for you just around the corner!
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Old 09-11-2010, 04:31 AM
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I'm sorry that you have to find another place. (((hugs)))

I am proud of you for stating your boundary with the landlord. Good on you! You have grown in your recovery and I know you will be ok.

Sending you positive thoughts and energy as you move forward!
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Old 09-11-2010, 10:33 AM
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Good for you Alice with confronting your landlord. Took some guts to do but it sounds like you handled it well. I would be looking to move out of there - as big of a hassle as it is you need some privacy.

The crappiest things can bring us good things - your HP knows the details ! I just heard a local news story that reminds me of this so much. I live pretty close to where the San Bruno gas explosion happened Thursday. A man who used to live 200 feet from where the pipe ruptured no longer lived there because he lost his home of 15 years to foreclosure. The house is completely destroyed. He very well might have lost his life if he had not lost his home a few months ago. Amazing. He said he feels like the luckiest guy on earth. HP knows it just takes us awhile to find out.
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Old 09-11-2010, 11:01 AM
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Thank you all for your kind responses. The panic is still ebbing over me.
The landlord and his friends are maintaining the rights I know I am afforded under our states laws aren't true and they've argued their "attorney" has told them so.

-I'd fire that guy. They write the rules so it's clear to the common little renter like myself. Shouldn't have to pay some dolt who can't read to make your choices for you.

In one sad little morning I've been threatened with eviction. I said, you can try. I was threatened with a big big. I said, you can try. I was threatened with a rent increased. I said, send it in writing. They promptly left.

I hate bullies. I hate bullies. I hate bullies.

Why is someone else's job loss (and this is the second 'landlord' with it) become a reason to harrass me, belittle me, badger me, and extort money from me. I am willing to accept that they are under a level of stress that seems insurmountable, but please. They both made more on unemployment than I make actually working for a living. Why do they thing running me out on a rail will solve their problems. I guess it makes them feel better in the short term.

Remind us of anyone? Reminds me of my XABF for sure. Can't be happy so I'll make someone else miserable and that will make me happy for the moment. Tomorrow, I'll start it all again until I get satisfaction.

Waiting on those open doors, HP! Anytime now. Oh, man the panic is setting in again.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
To change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.

Thank you friends for being here with me. You can see my tears of gratitude, but they are rolling down just the same.

Alice
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Old 09-11-2010, 12:20 PM
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You can tell I'm upset when my posts are packed with typos leaving some parts complete jibberish. Sorry about that.

The tears have ebbed off a bit and I'm trying to focus on other things. Hard to do.
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Old 09-11-2010, 07:36 PM
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Aw Alice I'm so sorry, wish I had some good advice for you.

I hate bullies too, the secret to bullies is that they are all cowards, that's why one little woman was able to run two of them out of their own home. I'd have loved to have seen you in action. Eff 'em, pu$$ies.

Thanks and God bless us all,
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Old 09-11-2010, 07:44 PM
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Sending Hugs and Prayers your way!

(((Alice)))
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Old 09-11-2010, 07:56 PM
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Jump on the 'here comes the GOOD stuff" wagon!
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Old 09-11-2010, 08:07 PM
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daggone it, Alice.
Maybe you could put an ad on craig'slist or in the paper?
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Old 09-11-2010, 08:16 PM
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Coyote, you are so right. The whole reason why this is going on in the first place is because of fear. Landlord couldn't face me so he snuck around behind my back. He couldn't handle my statement of a boundary so he retaliated in petty ways. He couldn't communicate his fears and ask for help from me so he sent his flunkies in to play bad cop and rough me up emotionally.

He has since sent some backpedalling emails to me today first denying things that happened and then admitting to them but giving "poor me" answers as to why. No actual apologies, though, and worst of all he makes sure to add additional infractions he thinks I've done that he says he's willing to overlook.

This is the crazymaking that triggers me straight to the land of insanity.

I've decided to take his backing off, though, as a chance to buy myself a little time more time to find a new place rather than push him to break my lease early. I will still have to give notice to leave at the end of next month and will probably incur more petty behavior from him when he realizes the rent he's losing so I hope I don't have to wait the whole month to go just for comfort reasons.

Now comes the wicked hard part....being still and letting HP light the way.

My mind swirls a mile a minute and I can only think there is no way this will all work out. It all worked out before somehow, surely it will again, right?

Be still. Be still. Be still.

Alice
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Old 09-11-2010, 08:26 PM
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My mind swirls a mile a minute and I can only think there is no way this will all work out. It all worked out before somehow, surely it will again, right?

Be still. Be still. Be still.


Right there with you Alice. Have a housing situation to workout myself and I cannot seem to "think" my way into a solution.

I said to my girlfriend today that I always seem to think things will be harder than the actually are or that they just won't work out. Why do I project that negative nonsense out there into the universe? Then I fret about it.

I'm holding your hand right now in this and knowing that our HP's will guide us and it will work out like it's supposed to.
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Old 09-14-2010, 08:58 AM
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If you start looking at those listings, it will be a good distraction. It will perk your interest and you can start sending e-mails.

When we can distract ourselves from the codependency, get out of our heads, half the struggle is won!

I have a suspicion that the next move you make could be a very happy one.

A practical suggestion? Maybe bring a friend along when you go to check out places. Having a second opinion is always so helpful.
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Old 09-14-2010, 09:18 AM
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Hey Alice, how's the house hunt going. You haven't had to spank those big babies any more I hope.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Old 09-14-2010, 10:16 AM
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Bless you all for being here. I'm doing better but still having waves of anxiety.

Ever hear the song Slip Sliding Away by Simon and Garfunkel? I keep hearing the lyrics in my head...

"God only knows. God makes his plan."
"The information is unavailable to the mortal man."

I find it soothes my nerves a bit. Reminds me I'm not supposed to have any of the big answers. Been trying to let go of the process as much as possible and not force it.

I will say I am making some very real lifestyle choices that I kind of avoided before. I want to settle down somewhere and quit this gyspy traveling. But where? I would love a quiet little place without any drama, but just how quiet do I want to be?

A property that I had once fantasized over that was for sale has now been put up for rent in my price range. Plus it's got a rent-to-own option, which with all the financial difficulty I have had in the wake of my split with XABF, would be a real chance at putting down roots. The catch is, it's out there on the edge of a penninsula to a river with few neighbors where it would just be me and the pets and horses. Much of the year, the nearest soul would be acres away.

While a part of me would love the serenity and tranquility, the rest of me would much rather be in a modern condo in town with my horses just down the road where the hassle of maintaining a farm is someone else's problem. That's where I was in life when XABF rolled into my sights the secluded farm life was more his dream. I like having people to ride horses with on the weekends, neighbors to watch come and go, and not having to drive a 1/2 hour just to buy a roll of toilet paper.

These days I have too many pets for the condos around here and one too many horses to afford board so I've got some irons in the fire to get reduced rent for horse care on a farm where I can keep my horses. Those places aren't a dime a dozen, though, so I'm doing a lot of networking and I'm hoping for good results.

I have not seen the landlord and his henchmen at all. Been working and keeping to myself. I've noticed the landlord has been hightailing out of here when I come in from my errands. Not sure if he's finally finding ways to occupy his time or if he's going to argue I've run him off. Would it matter either way...No. Doesn't change anything for me but give me some peace in which to do laundry.

Thank you again for checking in on me. I'm hanging in there.

Coyote, thanks for the post about remember it's all in how we think that really changes. The world around us goes merrily on whether we have a bad attitude or not. I'm trying to stay in the positive.

Alice
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Old 09-14-2010, 11:49 AM
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Oh ItsMe, I get it ! I also rented a bungalow in my university years. It was an old couple. Everything was good until one of them retired, or became unenmployed or something. He increased my rent and THE DOORMAT TC999 ACCEPTED WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING! Then when I left they wouldn't give me my deposit back - I went with a friend, the "lady" didn't let him pass and proceeded to yell at me gibberish (something about me having arranged something with their cleaning lady.. WTF??). I believe they were desperate and without money and hoped they would scare me away and -well, STEAL from me. It was horrible!! I hate bullies as well. Man is it stressful....

Also you know not long ago I was crying my heart out to 2 policemen due to bully neighbors, one of them yelled insults at me for 2 minutes. WTF. I think she broke a World guiness record for colorful vocabulary.... I felt so very vulnerable then.

Ah the precious gift of not having to see any of them ever again.


That was then and FINALLY I am in a safer place where the neighbor smiles and cooks hot cakes and minds her own business...you will be in a peaceful place and all this will be in the past.... I am proud that you talked about your boundaries, THAT TAKES GUTS.

The property away from everything sounds like a paradise to me.. perhaps you could consider renting there, just to be away from that bully landlord? and when you are there with peace and safety you can keep looking for other places that are more suitable in the long run.

Hugs!! sending good vibes your way!!
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Old 09-14-2010, 11:52 AM
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I was homeless in NC with two horses...
well 1 1/4 jhorses - one was a mini.

it can be done, hon.

*prayers*
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Old 09-14-2010, 01:45 PM
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It's crazy how little twists and turns in this ongoing search for my little slice of home occur to get me where I'm supposed to be. I still marvel at how I got here and all that had to transpire to make it happen.

No amount of dramatics from landlord and crew could take the shear wonder of those events away. It had to be a divine plan for it all to come together the way it did.

As my search leads me along from one listing to another and from one phone call to another, I keep closing my eyes and whispering to the Universe, "Is this it? Is this house the one?" and then it turns out to be a wrong turn. I'm withholding my expectations but also trying to not get too excited either when something appeals to me.

What actually has me most energized and ready to go is imagining how it all might transpire. Where will we be next? What will it be like? What crazy twists of fate will occur to get us there this time?

At this point, no apology by landlord would get me to change my mind and stay. I'm too itchy now for a change. I feel like I'm reading a story and I don't want to turn out the light at night because I just can't wait to find out what happens next and yet wait I must.

What's that children's song sung by the character of an inchworm who sings..

"Have patience, have patience. Don't be in such a hurry."
"When you have some patience, you never need to worry."

Gotta go Google that one!!

Alice
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