I did it!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
I did it!!!!
...And I am so happy that I did. I went to my very first AA meeting and it went a little like this...
I pulled up in front and there was a man sitting outside at a picnic table waiting, with him there I felt obligated to follow through and get out of the car. Had he not been there I may not have. They told me that the meeting started at 7:30 but to my surprise it did not begin until 8:00...uggh. The man and I talked a bit and I felt very emotional so I went out for a smoke before meeting time. Well! A whole bunch of people showed up...ALL MEN...but I stayed and there was a wonderful man named Mike...he has been sober for 8.5 years and he gave me some insight on what to expect. Once the meeting started everybody made me feel VERY WELCOME and as they went through their turns for sharing, Mike's turn came up and he directed his words at me and how they can help me and some of his experiences...the next person did the same and then the next and then the next...OMG it was amazing. I didn't think that I could conger up the nerve to speak but I DID IT...in tears the entire time but I did it. It felt so good to be in a room full of people who knew exactly where I was coming from and had been where I am and are trying to get better now. I saw some people who have been in the program several times but are still there trying to live one day at a time and I saw some people with a lengthy period of sobriety. There were some very touching and sad stories mixed in with a laugh or two here or there. It was AMAZING and I am so thankful to you for all of you helping me get to this point. I feel happier inside tonight and like I found out what is wrong with me and now I have this journey to take in order to get better. I'm a person who suffers from an illness and that illness is alcohol.
You would not believe it, but Mike wrote a note in a BRAND NEW 4th Edition Big Book with his phone number (he is married and very much there to help) and a note that I am no longer alone and he gave me the book! What a nice gesture, what a great thing to do for someone. He talked to me afterwards as did several of the other men there; they told me the days and times of the women's meetings and said that there are many great ladies there that I can become close to and could ask to sponsor me. Mike said if I need help before I get a chance to meet with the ladies I can call him but to make sure to try to connect with the other women and find a sponsor...a noble thing to do for a person in need, I thought.
Anyway, I am rambling. I am just SO grateful that I went and that you all helped me to get there. Thank GOD that man was sitting outside! I was ashamed for what I have become...but now...there is NO SHAME in trying to get better.
I am going to stick and stay and make it pay!!!!
Thank YOU YOU YOU so much! This is one of the best feelings of my life, honestly!
Donna
I pulled up in front and there was a man sitting outside at a picnic table waiting, with him there I felt obligated to follow through and get out of the car. Had he not been there I may not have. They told me that the meeting started at 7:30 but to my surprise it did not begin until 8:00...uggh. The man and I talked a bit and I felt very emotional so I went out for a smoke before meeting time. Well! A whole bunch of people showed up...ALL MEN...but I stayed and there was a wonderful man named Mike...he has been sober for 8.5 years and he gave me some insight on what to expect. Once the meeting started everybody made me feel VERY WELCOME and as they went through their turns for sharing, Mike's turn came up and he directed his words at me and how they can help me and some of his experiences...the next person did the same and then the next and then the next...OMG it was amazing. I didn't think that I could conger up the nerve to speak but I DID IT...in tears the entire time but I did it. It felt so good to be in a room full of people who knew exactly where I was coming from and had been where I am and are trying to get better now. I saw some people who have been in the program several times but are still there trying to live one day at a time and I saw some people with a lengthy period of sobriety. There were some very touching and sad stories mixed in with a laugh or two here or there. It was AMAZING and I am so thankful to you for all of you helping me get to this point. I feel happier inside tonight and like I found out what is wrong with me and now I have this journey to take in order to get better. I'm a person who suffers from an illness and that illness is alcohol.
You would not believe it, but Mike wrote a note in a BRAND NEW 4th Edition Big Book with his phone number (he is married and very much there to help) and a note that I am no longer alone and he gave me the book! What a nice gesture, what a great thing to do for someone. He talked to me afterwards as did several of the other men there; they told me the days and times of the women's meetings and said that there are many great ladies there that I can become close to and could ask to sponsor me. Mike said if I need help before I get a chance to meet with the ladies I can call him but to make sure to try to connect with the other women and find a sponsor...a noble thing to do for a person in need, I thought.
Anyway, I am rambling. I am just SO grateful that I went and that you all helped me to get there. Thank GOD that man was sitting outside! I was ashamed for what I have become...but now...there is NO SHAME in trying to get better.
I am going to stick and stay and make it pay!!!!
Thank YOU YOU YOU so much! This is one of the best feelings of my life, honestly!
Donna
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 207
Mama - I totally identify with your first AA experience. I had mine about 2 weeks ago and I felt so good and so brave and so thankful I went. People on this forum helped me get up the courage and once you get to the first meeting it is so much easier to try out other ones. This I have been doing for the past 2 weeks. Just went to a great one this evening - walked over with one of my dogs. It was a very small one and very intimate and fantastic. I just loved it. I also found a couple of others I like very much. I actually look forward to going. Not sure how it will ultimately go for me but I am well beyond just giving it a try. I am sure I will find my own pattern of what works and feels best for me. I have one immediate goal - to stay sober. After a meeting earlier this week I walked with 2 people I met at the same meeting the week before and we went to a park and sat and talked. So different but we shared something very impt. that connects us all.
So happy for you and your first meeting. Try out different ones (if available where you live). Each group is so very different.
So happy for you and your first meeting. Try out different ones (if available where you live). Each group is so very different.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
I love it here and I love that I went and I just love life, maybe just this minute but I am going to swim in the fine fine waters for a bit and hopefully sleep better tonight.
I'm crying, tears of joy because for the first time in 14 years I feel like I have seen some sort of light at the end of this tunnel. Every time I had an abusive or failed relationship or was with someone who drank it was "all their fault" and now I realize that I too am playing a part in this game that we call life...I own what is mine to take responsibility for and I am going to do my very best to make this thing work so that someday, someway maybe I can help somebody just like me. No, I haven't lost it all yet but now I have every opportunity to never experience just what rock bottom feels like. Just because I haven't hit bottom does not mean that I am/was not still falling...it's a slippery slope.
Today is a good day to be alive and I just can't wait until my Baby (8 years old, lol) comes home on Sunday so that I can hug him and love him and spend some real quality time with him...sober.
((((I love you ALL!!))))
I'm crying, tears of joy because for the first time in 14 years I feel like I have seen some sort of light at the end of this tunnel. Every time I had an abusive or failed relationship or was with someone who drank it was "all their fault" and now I realize that I too am playing a part in this game that we call life...I own what is mine to take responsibility for and I am going to do my very best to make this thing work so that someday, someway maybe I can help somebody just like me. No, I haven't lost it all yet but now I have every opportunity to never experience just what rock bottom feels like. Just because I haven't hit bottom does not mean that I am/was not still falling...it's a slippery slope.
Today is a good day to be alive and I just can't wait until my Baby (8 years old, lol) comes home on Sunday so that I can hug him and love him and spend some real quality time with him...sober.
((((I love you ALL!!))))
Striving to be a better Man!
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 266
That is soo awesome! You float on that "silver cloud" as I have heard refered to by old timers, for as long as you can. Maybe start a journal with these feelings in it so you can remember how it feels on those days that are harder than others.
I hope you enjoy your womens meetings just as much or more!
I hope you enjoy your womens meetings just as much or more!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I'm just smiling reading your post! I know what you mean about feeling welcome at AA. I've been to a lot of meetings in my life and never felt as comfortable in a group of people as I did in those meetings. So glad you went, and I'm glad that man was sitting there, too! Enjoy your good feelings!!:day6
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: TX
Posts: 41
How long did it take you since you sobered up? I am on day 6 and have been making excuses after telling myself and my wife I was gonna give AA a try. I've gone through all the motions except getting in the truck and going. 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
Originally Posted by Hip2beSquare 
How long did it take you since you sobered up? I am on day 6 and have been making excuses after telling myself and my wife I was gonna give AA a try. I've gone through all the motions except getting in the truck and going.
I encourage you to go and see what it is all about and I am positive that you will see that there is more good in that room, if even for just ninety minutes, than you have heard or seen in your personal life in your six days. It is too hard to relate your "issues" to a normal drinker because having never had to feel what you feel or see what you've seen they may try to support and undersand, they will never relate.
Donna
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,413
This is great news to wake up to on a early Saturday morning mama! I am just so happy that you enjoyed the meeting and you are feeling great about your recovery.
Keep us posted... and have a great sober day!!!!
Keep us posted... and have a great sober day!!!!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Donna,
I'm so happy you had a good first meeting experience. Please note that if you had sneaked in right at the beginning and slunk out the second it was over without speaking or raising your hand, you wouldn't have connected so well. (This is mainly for others thinking about their first meeting). Maybe when that other Big Book you already ordered arrives, YOU can give that to another newcomer someday, and do the same as the fella at the meeting did for you.
Anyone wondering what goes on at an AA meeting (or thinking about it but scared to go) should check out this helpful page, which is "stickied" at the top of the 12-Step forum: Your First AA Meeting. It explains some of the common practices and questions a lot of people have if they've never been exposed to AA.
Remember, meetings are important, and great, but the REAL recovery work in AA is working the 12 Steps. I got a very late start on the Steps, but I missed out on a lot by procrastinating.
I also second everyone's recommendation to find a female sponsor. I've made many good male friends in AA, but when you are very new, it's best to save the really personal stuff for people of the same sex. It just eliminates one kind of potential complication that can derail recovery.
Do try to attend lots of different meetings. You will want to pick one group as your "home group" (which you can change any time you want), but each meeting is a little different and will have a different "feel".
So glad you are off to a great start--you have given yourself a great gift!
I'm so happy you had a good first meeting experience. Please note that if you had sneaked in right at the beginning and slunk out the second it was over without speaking or raising your hand, you wouldn't have connected so well. (This is mainly for others thinking about their first meeting). Maybe when that other Big Book you already ordered arrives, YOU can give that to another newcomer someday, and do the same as the fella at the meeting did for you.
Anyone wondering what goes on at an AA meeting (or thinking about it but scared to go) should check out this helpful page, which is "stickied" at the top of the 12-Step forum: Your First AA Meeting. It explains some of the common practices and questions a lot of people have if they've never been exposed to AA.
Remember, meetings are important, and great, but the REAL recovery work in AA is working the 12 Steps. I got a very late start on the Steps, but I missed out on a lot by procrastinating.
I also second everyone's recommendation to find a female sponsor. I've made many good male friends in AA, but when you are very new, it's best to save the really personal stuff for people of the same sex. It just eliminates one kind of potential complication that can derail recovery.
Do try to attend lots of different meetings. You will want to pick one group as your "home group" (which you can change any time you want), but each meeting is a little different and will have a different "feel".
So glad you are off to a great start--you have given yourself a great gift!
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 318
Lexie, first of all my favorite book of ALL TIME is "The Art of Happiness", The Dalai Lama...Buddhism, though it is not something I completely live by, is a wonderful and peaceful way to live. I have some very wonderful Buddha figures in my home and from time to time I rub their tummies...lol.
Thanks for all of the encouragement. I DO realize that I have to connect with a female and do realize the problems that can arise from confiding too much in a male at this point. I have been in that position in the past, not at AA but in other areas of my life. I do have a lady that emails back and forth with me that I met through the AA Intergroup and for now she is where I try to connect and share more than I would with a man.
I am starting my Big Book today and I feel good about that. I am excited but scared at the same time.
One question, since I don't know the ins and outs just yet, can I start working the 12 steps on my own? I have been working a bit on steps 1 - 3 so far but not sure if this is something I am supposed to do on my own.
((((All))))
Thanks for all of the encouragement. I DO realize that I have to connect with a female and do realize the problems that can arise from confiding too much in a male at this point. I have been in that position in the past, not at AA but in other areas of my life. I do have a lady that emails back and forth with me that I met through the AA Intergroup and for now she is where I try to connect and share more than I would with a man.
I am starting my Big Book today and I feel good about that. I am excited but scared at the same time.
One question, since I don't know the ins and outs just yet, can I start working the 12 steps on my own? I have been working a bit on steps 1 - 3 so far but not sure if this is something I am supposed to do on my own.
((((All))))
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
What people have told me is that the sooner you start, the better. You don't really need anyone to help you with Steps 1-3 unless you run into difficulty with any of them. There is a Step 3 prayer it is suggested you do with another person--it's really a symbolic act representing your commitment to that Step.
All you are doing in Step 3 is making a decision. You will probably find yourself repeatedly turning over your will and your life and then taking it back.
Once you've made the decision and the commitment to do that, though, the idea is that you recognize what needs to be done and to work toward the ideal.
The Serenity Prayer comes in handy, too. It's gotten me through some tough spots.
In fact, you can start Step 4 if you follow the instructions in the Big Book. There are some worksheets/instruction books you can find with formats for a Fourth Step, but they seem to be overly complicated, and the people I know with good recovery recommend you just follow the format described in the BB. A sponsor is helpful in working Step 4 (if she knows how to do it "by the book"), but not essential. I had a long chat with my sponsor who demonstrated an example of how she worked Step 4, so that was helpful to me.
All you are doing in Step 3 is making a decision. You will probably find yourself repeatedly turning over your will and your life and then taking it back.
Once you've made the decision and the commitment to do that, though, the idea is that you recognize what needs to be done and to work toward the ideal.The Serenity Prayer comes in handy, too. It's gotten me through some tough spots.
In fact, you can start Step 4 if you follow the instructions in the Big Book. There are some worksheets/instruction books you can find with formats for a Fourth Step, but they seem to be overly complicated, and the people I know with good recovery recommend you just follow the format described in the BB. A sponsor is helpful in working Step 4 (if she knows how to do it "by the book"), but not essential. I had a long chat with my sponsor who demonstrated an example of how she worked Step 4, so that was helpful to me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Well now Mama! You are really and truly on the road back! And, from the looks of it, although there may be a few bumps and potholes along the way, there is likely to be a rainbow at the end of it for you. It will take some time...one day at a time. You'll meet, you already have met, some great friends and you'll have a few laughs too. It won't necessarily be easy, but they'll all make it so much easier for you! Keep in touch. You're doing great!
W.
W.
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