FreeingMyself

I was sitting here thinking this evening that right at this moment....life is pretty good, or at least I am content w/ where things are for a minute. AH and I have not lived together since...wow, I'm not really sure now - maybe June?? Regardless, we still see each other often and talk, however there is one thing mostly lately I have noticed. Now don't get me wrong I still let him get to me sometimes, but for the most part his anger and words have little affect on me. I can simply move past them and continue on. I am beginning to realize what I believe I already knew. He and I were friends for a long time before we married, however I was very aware of his moods. When we did not live together I could "get away" and that was much easier. Living together/married there was no escape for his tyrades - leaving me feeling trapped and helpless. So right at THIS moment, I am fine w/ things - he and I getting along (of course we do not talk about any issues), and me living the life I want to and probablly much healthier for everyone w/out his ranting and raging. I noticed his patience w/ the kids isn't really any better, but possibly this is a better arrangement for him too. In fact, if it weren't for him living w/ a friend, I think he would really prefer this because he has his space. And lastly, I have been working with someone very closely who is bipolar. I have had to "learn" how to handle those situations etc. I have had behaviorists tell me that even w/ this disability, they must still be held to the same standards of behavior we expect from everyone else etc. And since I believe that AH is probablly also bipolar - wow has this changed my perspectived. They say the God does things for a reason- and I believe I'm working w/ this person to help me. This has helped me release my anger toward him, and just let him be who he is. He chooses not to control himself, and I choose not to put up w/ it. So.....this leaves me feeling like I gave my marriage everything I could, I tried harder than I have tried at anything, and he can't be who I need him to be......so here I am happy w/ me, w/ my kids realizing that life can still be good and happy and peaceful! Just needed to let out all the positive I feel right now! And I'm sure there will be those days....but I think I'm over the hump...more good than bad!