nancylee

Hey all,
I am on Day 27, I finally threw in the towel and went to rehab for 10 days on August 12th, admitted that even though I hadn't lost anything YET, my life was unmanageable and I was on my way downhill.

I have felt pretty good, but come afternoons/evenings, I just want to go into my room and hide! I am a teacher, and I had my first day of school today, and came home, threw in a chicken and made mashed potatoes for my family, and ran in my room. I also do dog rescue, so my poor husband has been stuck feeding and caring for the 16 dogs in my rescue. Guilt!! Guilt!! But nights are tough for me, that is when I drank, and I stop functioning around 4PM. Don't want to drink, but don't want to deal with all my responsibilities either.

Some nights I go to AA, even though I went for a year and didn't like a lot of it, I am taking what I can, and leaving the rest. But nights like this, I am too overwhelmed to even leave the house and make the 45 minute drive.

Will this go away??? Help!!

Anna

Hi Nancy,

I'm sorry you're having a tough day.

It's good that you went to rehab and are working on recovery. For me, the first few weeks were very hard. I felt like I needed to find new ways to get through the day. I have found that balance is all-important to my recovery and it sounds like you're doing a lot. So, maybe it's okay to ask your family to help out a bit and you don't need to feel guilty.

mama36

Nancy,

I have also gotten to the point of guilt when it comes to the things that I "should" be doing. I spent the last 4 days pretty much being alone when I had down time and either reading a book or sleeping. I am only on day 4 and I know that I have to do what it takes to get through the days. Evenings, pretty much when hubby gets home, are the hardest for me too. I feel that this is pretty much normal because lets face it, when we are at work we don't normally drink so the urge is not going to hit full-on until there is down time when we would normally be drinking. I would normally have had 1 or 2 shots and at least 3 or 4 beers by this time of night. Tonight I am chewing gum, reading posts, watching Ellen (which I love because she is so positive and happy) and just trying to get through the day until bed time. I know at that time I will sleep a few hours and relax a little bit.

Anyway, the point is don't feel guilty for not doing what you "should" be doing according to what you would normally be doing as far as the dogs and such - feel good about what you "should" be doing to get yourself through this...that is what matters right now. When you feel better and stronger, shoulda woulda coulda will pass and you will have a better existance.

least

Give yourself a bit more time to iron out the 'wrinkles' in your life. It's still early and your body and brain are still adapting to functioning without alcohol. And do allow yourself some down time, some 'me time' to indulge yourself in some pleasant activity or event. Eat well and get enough rest. And give it time. It will get better.

julez

Nancy, welcome. I agree with mama. You have to focus on what you need to do to get through the day right now. I'm sure your hubby forgives you for having to deal with the dogs. I am a dog lover, and can say that I'm sure that you being so kind to animals is something your hubby loves about you. Listen Nancy, this problem belongs to you. Take the guilt and anything that goes with it and throw it out. Take this time and be selfish for your recovery. You are doing everyone who cares for you a favor. We are a very supportive unch, and we are always around to talk to. So hang tough and keep posting.

nancylee

Thanks, all. I appreciate the reassurance that I won't be an incompetent drone forever!

artsoul

I like that; "an incompetent drone!" That's how I felt initially at first, and I still have my drone days! I had to be careful the first month not to overwhelm myself, because all I would want to do is shut down. I allowed myself to rest alot,and like least said, to give myself treats, eat better, etc. I know it's hard when the world around you continues to need your help, but just keep it as simple as possible. Things DO get better (a little better each day, I find).

Hang in there!!

Dee74

Hi Nancy - welcome back
Some great advice here.

I remember feeling much the same but I trusted the folks here who said it got better and it did.

If you continue to feel this way tho, don't hesitate to think of asking for some help from a counsellor or something - sobriety can be difficult sometimes, but IMO it's not meant to be something to endure

D

Ghostly

Congrats on the 27 days nancy! I totally agree with Dee...seems like you are getting really overwhelmed and some f2f help may be a good idea. Things get better for most relatively quickly. Hang in there.

Good luck!

poncho

Consider yourself a student in recovery, as we all are. We come into recovery and think it should be a snap, (WRONG) this is not a willpower thing. This is a disease, the only tried and true way is to LEARN a new way of living. and the education has been paid for, so now we do our classes/meetings and learn a new way to go through life.
Use your hiding time to read or work on your recovery, when you do decide to come out of your room you may have something to share with the rest of us.
Don't worry your gonna be OK. It does take a little time to realize that our HP is doing for us what we can not do for ourselves.

klar

Hang in there Nancy. Congrats on 27 days!!!

Fandy

Hi Nancy;

add me to the list of congratulations on almost a month sober. we all have different trigger times...evenings are hard for me too some days.

try to think of your desire for "quiet time or alone " as part of your healing process. I do the same, although my daughter is grown and I live alone (due to the ending of a relationship)...i try to use this time to actually enjoy my sober self..in a sense I know I'm reconnecting and do not get all worked up about small oddities.

I adopted a little rescue dog 3 months into sobriety....you are doing good works with your fostering...maybe this can be a focal point for you?