Mel8899

The detox center called my sister this morning because they are not finding the drugs in mom's system. Yet we know she takes them and has for years. They will call her back later to discuss the situation.
My mom is sounding relaxed and content though so my sister and I want her to stay for at least the 10 days insurance will pay for so we can regroup and figure out what to do. At the very least we need to line up a pschiatrist and a neurologist.
How does her daily cocktail of Darvocet, Ambien, Vicoden and Klonopin not show up?? I counted the pills so if she is not taking them, she is hiding them. Going to go through the house before she comes home. She exhibits every behavior of an addict, absolutely lies and panics at the thought of someone taking the pills away, how can they not show up in her system. The first place we were at Wednesday made a remark that Klonopin does not always show up in the urine?? Anyone with similar experience?

keepinon

don't have any answers for you, but how weird!

Mel8899

Ok they called my sister back and the drug test was wrong and mom is testing positive. We can visit on Sun and right now my sister and I will deal with this on our own. My brother needs to deal with funeral arrangements and they have not really been around mom's behavior so they are not convinced that inpatient treatment is necessary. So tired of te drama, just want my life back!

outtolunch

Not too long ago you wrote:

"I am a strong person and can handle this, but only if things are going to change. "

Sounds like you have an expectation of an outcome and have tied your own ability to handle "this" to that outcome. That's a prescription for falling off your own horse if there ever was one.

The more time/energy we focus on fixing someone else, the more we avoid working on ourselves.

You mom will get and stay off the pills when and if she desires to do so and not a moment sooner. She may change and then again, maybe not. You have no control over the outcome just as she has no control over your own.

Only thing any of us control is ourselves and that's more than a full time job for most of us.

keepinon

Glad they caught the screwup..did you start thinking you were crazy?

Mel8899

Thanks Keepinon, yes we were feeling a little bit crazy. As for controlling the outcome, I am not really sure how much we are supposed to be able to stand. I am doing my best to accept things, but I am tired, scared and very stressed because I do not want to see my mom hurt or god forbid hurt someone else.

sofacat

Outtolunch makes a very good point...as she most often does.

The First Step applies to F&F as well. It just takes awhile to get there.

In your own time.
We're here.

Mel8899

Tomorrow is the funeral services for my brother's father in law. Not looking forward to it, it will be a long day and I hurt for my 10 yo nephew. Outtolunch, I completely understand what you are saying, but it hit hard. I am feeling a little sensitive right now. Being a child of an alcoholic father and my mother's constant neediness and dependence on me and addiction to RX meds, I have a hyper sense of responsibility. I am not sure how to detach and not feel responsible for her getting hurt or hurting someone else, which is why I drink. I do what I have to do and then drink to unwind and cope with the amount of responsibility my parents have always put on my sister and I. My 2 brothers are not treated as caretakers so they have escaped a lot of this and do not understand the gravity of the situation.
So tired, but I do plan to look for outside help. On a good note, mom seems content so we can worry about her another day.
I thank everyone for their input and support, still trying to hold on and cope. On the bright side, I love the new puppy, he is a joy!!

Mel8899

The funeral services were very nice, but what a long day. I held back with my 10 yo nephew. There were a couple of his great aunts that kept insisting he go up to the open casket and he did not want to so I stood my ground with them. My brother and sister in law felt the same way as I did. There were a couple of times that I took him out because it got very sad. There were over 150 people there and this was a sudden very unexpected death.
I love my nieces and nephews like they were my own so I settled very comfortably into that role today for Hunter.
What a rough week for our family. We still have not told my mom. We can go visit her in detox Sunday so we will talk to them and find out what they recommend. Really tired tonight, up since 5 am so hopefully will get a good nights sleep. The puppy has caught on that if he cries, I will put him in the bed LOL. Guess there are worse things to give in to!